Chapter 33

Even though we haven't seen one other in a few days, I find I am missing him as I stare into his eyes. He isn't shedding tears, but I can see the unhappiness in his eyes. I preserve my smile for him, but I don't feel it is genuine when he smiles back.
"Good morning, Jas," I said with a smile. "Get inside," I said, motioning him inside. He handed me something before he entered, and when I looked at it, it was a milk tea from Nanay Lao's café. "Wow, thank you for this, Jas," I said, looking at him. "You already know how to calm my mind." At the same moment, he gulped and smiled.
I went to my living room first, and he followed. He sat near me on the sofa when I sat there. I took the drinks out of the paper bag and handed it to him. I instantly sipped my drinks in anticipation of tasting them, and when I did, I couldn't help but tell Jas how much I missed drinks and thanked him once more.
"By the way, why are you here? Do you face issues?" I asked.
I'm astonished he showed up here. He didn't send me a message saying he'd make me a visit as he always does. I'm aware that he has a problem, and I'd like to know what it is, but instead of responding, he asked why I'm still awake and if I'm waiting for someone to arrive. I replied by shaking my head and pointing to my notes on the table, indicating that I was reviewing. He didn't respond to my question, so I asked it again. I questioned as to what his problem was and why he appeared to be sluggish.
He placed his drinks on the table and forced himself to smile at me. He said that he always look lethargic, but I didn't believe him, so I forced him to tell what was bothering him. I'm sure he can tell me because why would he come here if he doesn't need someone to talk to about his problem? He will not come here to show his grief if he can handle it on his own.
I expected him to divulge his problem, but instead he asked if I had checked my Facebook account. At the same time, I gulped and nodded at him. Even though I'm apprehensive, I keep my smile on and wonder if he's aware of the issue between me and Ivan. Did he already saw the viral photo? Is it the reason why he came here? Did he come here to ask me if what he saw was true?
I'd like him to ask me about whether or not what he observed was true. I want him to ask me if the netizen's claims that Ivan and I are dating are real, and I want to tell him that they are, so he can stop showing motive to me and I can stop feeling for him. I know he doesn't like me and only sees me as a friend, but everything he does while we're together gives the impression that he does, and the truth is, that's how he treats people who are important to him. I thought he was jealous tonight, but the truth is that he was only concerned about me because I was his friend. I believe he is upset because he discovered I am interested in someone else, but the truth is that he is unhappy because my time will be divided when it comes to him.
"Why did you ask, Jas?" I asked, hoping he would ask me the questions I wanted to hear.
I thought he was going to ask what I was waiting for when he gasped, but he didn't. He just stated, "I already confirm you."
My heart was heavy, yet I continued to smile at him. I'm sure he's aware of the issue, but why didn't he question me about it? Is he unconcerned with whether it's true or not? I wanted to ask him whether he had seen it, but I decided to tell him something else instead, so he wouldn't think I was thinking about it.
According to the author of "Kill Me, Attorney," we cannot stay friends with the person we love indefinitely, so I will forget about my feelings for him and chose our relationship so that no one is hurt or lost in the end. I made the right decision; it's only appropriate that I use my intellect instead of my heart as I'm sure someone will get hurt if I use my emotions. I need to be grateful for everything; I need to be grateful for Jas because he is a genuine ally; I need to be grateful for Ivan because he likes me despite my flaws.
When I looked at the wall clock and saw that it was already 1:30 a.m., I knew he was about to depart, and I was correct because he informed me he needed to go home. I haven't yet felt sleepy, and I can't help but be melancholy. I'm very sure this is the last time I'll see him in a normal setting. I want to change the way I treat him seeing as it's part of what makes me forget how much I like him. I know it's difficult, but it's for the best although it allows me to handle even the most difficult situations.
When he got up, I stood up as well. He notices my expression and pinches my cheeks to bring a smile to my face. "When you smile, you look way better," he added, and that made my heart melt. My entire life revolves around him with the simple words he speaks for me.
He had already begun going towards the door, and my wistfulness grew as he went away from my position, because I knew that as soon as he left, I should begin to forget how I felt about him.
He was about to hold the door knob when I speak, he turned to me and I said, "Sleep here, Jas. Sleep with me, please."
I do not know where I got the confidence to tell him that. I was just thinking those words and didn't even aware they were coming out of my mouth. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't as I seen his eyes light up as he heard what I said. His expression has clearly shifted, and I get the impression he wants to be with me as well.
"I don't have any clothes, El," he said, laughing slightly. "I don't want to sleep in my uniform."
I couldn't help but smile when I heard his chuckle. I wanted to laugh and run up to him and give him a hearty embrace. I genuinely like him, and I'm hope that one day I'll be able to feel the same way about Ivan. I know how it feels to be disliked, so I'll try not to make him feel that way.
"That's not a problem, Jas," I said, "I have a unisex jacket and shorts that you can use."
This is our last night together, and I want to make it special for both of us. It's enough for me to remember just being with him. Something will change after tonight, so I'll take advantage of the time before I begin the change.
He nods, and my lips widen. I rush up to him and hug him around the waist. I pressed my face on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. His heartbeat is pretty rapid at first, but it slows down after a few seconds.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed me closer to him. I was taken aback, but I prefer that position. I relish his scents, body, and warmth. I know this is one of the things I should avoid doing to him, and I want us to stay in this situation as long as possible. I couldn't feel the numbness even if we stood for 10 minutes because I could sense the relief from the exhausting world.
He asked, "Can we stay like this for a minute?"
I wasn't expecting him to say those words because I assumed I was the only one who wanted us to remain in this situation. I expected him to push me because I was clingy, so I nodded in agreement when I heard what he said. This is the longest hug I've ever had, and I'm grateful it came from the first person I liked. We were engulfed by silence, yet it didn't make the environment uncomfortable. We both want silence because it makes us feel warmer.
We were about five minutes apart when we ended things, and when I looked at him, I immediately smiled, as did he.
"Those are the longest hugs I've ever received, El," he said and I chuckled. "Why?" he said, puzzled, but the smile on his lips remained.
"We're the same, Jas," I said, "that was the longest hug I've ever had."
"Oh, really?" He asked and I responded with a nod. "But, guess what? You're also the person that hugged me for the smallest amount of time."
I was taken aback and am at a loss for words. I was trying to think of something, but nothing came to mind, so I asked him.
I laughed and said, "I can't remember when, Jas. When did that happen?" I inquired. He gave me a brief stare before speaking.
I gulped as he asked, "Don't you still remember our past?" My lips were replaced by a phony smile, and I diverted my gaze from his.
"I'm sorry, Jas," I simply say. "I'm sorry because I don't remember, but is the past still important?" I asked, my gaze drop on my feet.
It doesn't matter to me if I don't recall anything from the past; what matters is that we meet again. Isn't it enough for him to have our newfound memories?
He took a deep breath and placed his arm on my cheeks. I notice how much he regrets what he said to me earlier when I look at him. "I'm sorry for bothering you with that question, El. I won't ask it again, and don't put too much pressure on yourself to remember everything," he said, smiling. "I know you'll remember everything one day after it became a part of your life," he said as he took his hand from my cheeks.
I didn't even respond to what he had said. I simply smiled and nodded once more. I said, "It's late, let's go to bed."
"It's fine with me if I'm staying here in the living room," he added with a nod.
I took a big gulp. I've already purchased an extra pillow and blanket for him, but I'm keeping it a secret because I want us to be able to sleep together once more.
"I don't have an additional pillow and blanket, Jas, so just come into my room and sleep next to each other like we did before," I replied smiling, and he gulped but later nodded. "Let's sleep," I replied as I walked to the bed room doorway, but I came to a halt when he called my name. "Why?" I said as I turned to face him.
"Won't you lend me a cloth?" he asks, and I laugh.
"I'm sorry, I forgot," i said, laughing.
He smiled and ask, "Are you excited to sleep with me, El?"
I eventually stopped laughing as I heard to what he said. I'm not sure if I have a hearing problem, but I heard his unusual voice as he stated those words. When he said those things, his voice was so manly that shame really crept all over my body. My face reddens so flushed that I turned my gaze away from him. My face and ears appear to be reddened.
I spluttered, "W-wait me here, Jas. I'll just get the clothing I'll lend you," and didn't wait for his response.
I went straight into my bedroom and checked myself out in the mirror. I could see my face turning heated, and I took a deep breath and calmed down before looking for the clothing to lend him. I poured a small quantity of my perfume on it when I had got it so he could always smell my scent.
I returned to the living room and didn't see him, so I called him. I was uneasy, and it seemed to me that he had abruptly departed, so I walked to the kitchen to see whether he was still there. When I got to the kitchen, I immediately looked for him, but there was no sign of him, so I called him again.
"J-jas?" I asked, stuttering.
Did he leave me? Why?
"El!" I heard him call my name, so I went looking for him right away, but I couldn't find him.
"El, I'm here in the comfort room! I will take my hand out and give me the dress you will lend me!"
I took a deep breath and moved closer to the bathroom. I placed the clothes I had taken into his damp hand. "Are you taking a bath, Jas?" I asked, but he remained silent and shut the door.