Chapter 90 EPILOGUE
I have no idea what El will do now that I have told her about Ivan. I am glad I told her that thing, but there is also a thorn in my heart. I am now thinking about what my next step is. I wonder what will happen because I can't do anything.
I am still in the hospital to this day. I woke up, but that didn't mean I was well. The redness returned to my body after El and I talked. I just convinced her that what was happening to me was normal and I was fine but the truth is, I was not sure when I would be able to leave this hospital.
My situation is getting worse. My illness had a different effect on me. It was worse than I expected because of the mixed emotions I felt. El is innocent and I don"t want her to know the truth because I"m sure she will blame herself.
I stared at the door when I felt the doorknob move. The door opened and Baki entered with one palm in the pocket of her jacket. I can see her expression change, she is serious as if we have something important to talk about.
"What are you doing here?" I asked her. She didn"t answer until she stopped at the side of the bed I was sitting on.
"I want to talk to you," she responded, her expression remaining serious.
"Why is your face like that? Is there a problem?" I asked again. She sighed and took the chair.
"What's your plan?" Instead of answering me, she asked before sitting down in the chair.
I swallowed and shifted my vision in another direction. "I also do not know. I don"t want to hurt her. I don't want to leave her either," I replied. Even though I didn"t mention the name I was talking about, I knew she understood who I was referring to.
"You know you can't avoid those two things, Jas," she replied calmly.
"Yes, I know. I knew I would hurt her if I chose to stay here. I knew I had to leave her because she didn't deserve someone like me." It hurts on my part to say that word, but that"s the truth.
"What's your plan? Will you say goodbye or will you just leave her without an explanation?"
I could not immediately answer her question and I sighed first to have the courage. "I don't want her to wait for me, so she shouldn't see me when she comes here again. I knew she would get hurt this way, but it was the only way I could get away. If I say goodbye and see how sad she is at my decision, I may not be able to leave her." I looked in her direction and I could see her swallowing. "I still want to live and be with her. I want a normal life, I want freedom so I will do it. I just wish I could come back."
I wanted to be healed and in return, I moved away from her. She"s the definition of my life, she"s my world, she"s my everything. She"s the reason why I feel so different emotions. She"s the reason why I wish I could be healed and live longer. But, she"s the reason why my life is now in danger so if I continue to see, touch, and hear her, I will not recover and my life will only be put at risk. She is not at fault. I just have to stay away. After all, I still want to be with her, because I still want to love her.
I will recover. I will also have the freedom to love the woman who gave color to my dark world. She is my world, she is my light. There was nothing more fun than the night I saw her again, my childhood friend and at that moment, my vibrant night began.
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