Chapter 39

It's 12:30 a.m. already when Aly and I made the decision to go into her room. She is already drowsy, and we have class tomorrow. She was a night owl who used to go to bed early, and this is claimed to be the first night she stayed up till midnight. We were lying next to her bed, and she was sound sleeping, but I was still looking at her room's ceiling. I couldn't sleep, but I didn't think about anything; I don't get drowsy even when I close my eyes. I've been lying down for nearly an hour, but I'm still not sleepy, and closing my eyes hurts, so I just opened them and stared at the ceiling.
This isn't the first time I haven't been visited by tiredness, and I'm used to going to bed late. When I'm at home and suffer insomnia, I drink milk to help me fall asleep. I wanted to go back to the veranda and get some fresh air, but I was reluctant as Aly would feel I wasn't there with her. This is my first time sleeping somewhere other than my place, so it's possible that I'm having trouble sleeping as I'm not acclimated to the surroundings.
When my phone vibrated in the lamp table, I quickly looked at it. When I picked it up, I noticed that there was a new message in my inbox. I sat up in bed as soon as I opened my phone and checked for the message, which I found was from Jas. I swallowed hard as I read the full message; I'm not sure what's making me so nervous and thrilled.
From: Jas
Do you have a night class scheduled for tomorrow? If you have time after class, please ask Ivan if you may accompany me. Let's head to the café to see Nanay Lao.
When I read his message, I didn't know what to say. Perhaps he didn't want us to be disturbed, so he didn't show up or message me for a month. Maybe he thought he'd be a nuisance if he came to my place. He was under the impression that I was dating Ivan because I enjoyed it, and that he had no clue that I was doing it in order to forget about my feelings for him.
I was going to reply to his message, when his name appeared on the screen of my phone again. H e has another message, which I read right away.
From: Jas
Stay safe. We'll talk more tomorrow. I'm missing you. Just delete our conversation so Ivan can't see it.
As I read his message saying he misses me, my heart warmed. He misses me, yet he never comes to see me. I want to believe he wants to see me as well, but he simply refuses. It's difficult to know how he feels, and I'm not sure why it came to me that he could like me as well, but he's frightened to acknowledge it. I don't want to believe in uncertainty, so I shouldn't think about it since in the end, I'll be the only one who suffers.
I type a message, then read and double-check it before sending it to him.
To: Jas
SureJ. I miss you too. Good night.
I sent the message and waited for a response, but after 10 minutes, I had received nothing. I returned my phone to its original place and glanced at the ceiling once more. I didn't see anything wrong with our conversation, so I didn't delete our message. We're friends, so such conversations are natural, and Ivan and I both have privacy, so he doesn't know everything there is to know about me. We aren't officially in a relationship, and so he has no right to prevent me from doing the things I want to do. I don't have to explain or get his permission if Jas and I meet, and I'm not worried if he finds out. I know he can understand me and I know he's aware of his limits.
Also, when I'm in a relationship, I don't want a partner that is overly controlling. I'm not going to stop him from doing what he wants, and I expect him to do the same for me. I want us to support and accept each other's decisions; we know what is right and what is wrong, and if two lovers genuinely love each other, there will be no cheating.
I felt relieved as the minutes passed. I could already feel the weight of my eye lid, so I closed my eyes. The next morning, I awoke to Aly shaking my shoulder. I woke up and went directly to the restroom since she was already wearing a bathrobe and smiled at my face. I examined my looks in the mirror, and it was clear that I had not had enough sleep.
Before leaving the comfort area, I promptly cleansed my face and mouth. She was combing her hair on the bed when she saw me approaching her bedroom.
"Are you used to bathing before breakfast?" she said, and I responded with a nod. "You should bathe and dress on a uniform. We will eat breakfast when you already fix yourself so we can go straight to campus after we eat."
"Are we running late? Why didn't you call out to me when you awoke? " I asked.
"I tried to wake you up, but you didn't wake up," she said, and I just nodded before reaching her small living room. My bag was there with my uniform inside, and when I picked it up, she noticed it was tangled due to the crease inside my bag. "You're free to take a bath, El. I'll take care of fixing your uniform."
I'll take care of fixing your uniform."
"Do you know how to hold and use a scaffolding?" I ask, laughing. "What if you burn my uniform?"
"I didn't say I would fix your uniform," she remarked hesitantly. " I'll call the helper, and she'll take care of it instead of me."
"I'll take care of it, Aly. This is something I can handle; where can I get scaffolding? " I asked, and she came up to me. She spoke after taking my uniform from my grip.
I shook my head when she asked whether I wanted us to be late. "Then take a bath, and when your uniform is ironed, I'll just put it here on the bed."
"Are you certain?"
I'm ashamed as I don't pay to their helpers' salary, and this might lead to someone complaining to Aly's parents and saying that I'm staying at their house.
"When was the last time I wasn't sure, El?" She replied, "Go ahead, have a bath," and I had no choice but to go to the comfort room because she had left carrying my uniform.
I had a shower, and when I was done, I grabbed the hanging bathrobe and put it on before leaving the bathroom. I quickly went to bed and found my uniform on the bed. I got ready right away because Aly wasn't there, and as I was fixing my neck tie, the door opened, and she entered wearing a uniform.
She smiled and said, "I'm ready, El."
"I'm almost done, too," I responded as I reached into my bag for my own comb.
I quickly fix myself, and we both exit her room. We went straight to the dining room, where, like last night, there was plenty of food. The breakfasts were unfamiliar to me, but they were tasty. I don't know when I'll be able to return, so I ate a lot. I don't mind if my diet isn't normal; it's just now, and I should enjoy it. I'm not sure why Aly is thin because if I lived with them, I'm sure I'd be full every day from the food, but I'm also not sure whether I'd be chubby because my body doesn't change no matter how much I eat. Despite the fact that my physique was like this, I did not turn it into a source of insecurity.
We left their house and hopped into their van after finishing breakfast. T heir house was closer to campus than ours, so we were able to get to campus promptly. We arrived just in time because our first subject was about to arrive, and the rest of the class proceeded well until we were dismissed for a snack break.
Ivan was waiting outside our room, as I had expected. T the students and my classmates are acclimated to it, so they are not as boisterous as they were before. They simply smile, and I sense a smidgeon of uneasiness in their demeanor. Our name is no longer a point of contention; people are accustomed to seeing us together all of the time, and I am well aware that anything may change if I follow my heart's desires. We will be the topic of all student s, and I am certain that the words they will speak to me will suffocate the bravery I have gained.
I don't want people's perceptions of me to change because I can't handle it. My mind can't handle judgment, criticism, or bullying, and I'm not sure how I'll manage it if it occurs to me.
Everything is making my head hurt, and I'm at a loss for what to do next. I'm not sure where I'm heading because all of my options are painful. I simply want to sleep to take a break from everything; to get away from the awful truth. In comparison to the past, my life is now happier, although everything is so complicated.
"What's up with your expression? Do you have trouble sleeping? Is Aly's house infested with mosquitoes, preventing you from getting a good night's sleep?" Ivan asked, smiling, as we ate in the cafeteria together.
In response, I shook my head and replied to him. I told him how magnificent and huge Aly's house was, and he listened to me. Because of my food stories and our chosen research topic, we spent all of our time on snack breaks. I forced myself to have fun in order to get rid of the thoughts that were bothering me, and it worked.
"Our tournament is approaching, so we'll have practice later," he added, his face a mix of melancholy and concern.
"What's up with your expression?" I asked, remembering how he had questioned me previously.
He said, "I'm too lazy to practice."
"I can't do anything if you're too lazy to practice," I replied, taking a long breath. " There is just one solution for a lazy person: don't practice."
"You came up with the wrong idea, El," he explained. "And who said you couldn't do anything?" he enquired, a smile on his face.
I was perplexed, and I suspected he was hatching yet another crazy scheme. I have no idea what's on his mind, but it's not good, and he wants to annoy me again, based on his smile.
"What are you thinking?" I asked, and his smile grew bigger before he spoke.
"It's as easy as that, El. Come see me on the soccer field after your class," he said.
"Why? What will I do on the field?" I asked, despite the fact that I already knew what I would do.
"You'll keep an eye on me as I practice so I don't become lazy. It's fine if you don't cheer for me; just save your most lethal cheer for when we're in the tournament," he replied, winking. I rolled my eyes at him, but I didn't say anything until we were back in our classrooms.
Time flew by till our lunch break was over. Aly and I had lunch in the cafeteria together, and when we returned to the classroom for our afternoon lesson, I couldn't understand why the time had flown by so quickly and all of our subjects had been completed without interruption. Rather than returning home, the majority of the students proceeded to the soccer field to see the practice. Aly was the one who went to the field first in order to get a nice seat for us. Because practice began earlier, I may not be able to catch up with the game because I had to go to the cafeteria to buy mineral water. Before going to the field, I also went to the locker room to get an extra towel.
The practice had ended by the time I got on the field, so the students who had been observing had departed. Because of the students meeting me, I couldn't find Aly until I went into the field. Because she waved her hand, I instantly recognized her. I averted my gaze from her and looked around for Ivan. I'm not sure how he'll react because I didn't watch their practice, but I'm sure he'll understand because I didn't plan to miss it.
I noticed he appeared to be on the lookout for something, so I instantly called him. I smiled at him because I could tell how exhausted he was from practice as he looked in my direction. He, too, smiled and ran towards me. His coach stopped him to give him a towel and water but he said, "No need couch, my boss already has something."
I couldn't help but feel humiliated since the guys were caught aback and screamed by what he said. I was aware of the redness on my face, so I lowered my head slightly so they wouldn't notice. When Ivan arrived, I handed him the mineral water and a towel that I had brought with me.
"So sweet," I thought to myself as I glanced at the person who said it, and I was stiffed to see Baki, who was also staring into my eyes. I could see she was smiling, but I knew it wasn't genuine.
.