Chapter 75

I don't want to leave here without having completed all of my things. I want to put an end to what needs to be put an end to, and make my own decisions. I am perfectly prepared for whatever consequence may occur; I will stand by everything because everything will be wiped at some point. My issue now is figuring out where to begin with him because I want to tell him everything carefully and not hurriedly.
After he fixed his coat at my back, I also stood up and faced him. He was also looking at me while there was a little smile on his lips. He took a step once and we became closer to each other. I didn"t move away and I let him hug me along with a series of sounds in the sky. I can feel his warmth as well as his arm wrapped around my body. I also felt his forehead resting on my shoulder as I looked up and looked at the different colors of fireworks.
Our position is romantic, but not how I feel. I could not speak and I could not hold back my warning tears. I know Ivan planned the fireworks, but I"m not sure what the purpose was.
He departed from the hug and then he looked at the fireworks. He smiled, but I could see his tears. He took a deep breath before he looked at me and it was also accompanied by my tears.
"Fuck, El. Why are you crying?" he asked, chuckling despite his shoulder shaking from crying. I couldn't answer him, but I kept looking into his eyes, even though my vision was blurry from tears, and he placed his hand on my jaw, wiping my tears with his thumb. "Did I cause you any discomfort?" he inquired softly.
I shook my head in response, and he smiled as well; I wasn't sure why he was sobbing, and I wanted to know, but I couldn't find the words to ask him.
"I'm sorry, El," he said softly as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. I managed to keep back tears, but they still welled up as I heard him say those words for reasons I don't fathom.
It is my responsibility to apologize to him. I hadn't said anything yet, but he was crying, and I couldn't bring myself to tell him what I should say. I'm not sure what's going on with him right now, and I'd like an answer to the question that's been running through my head.
"El, can you stop crying?" he pleaded. He said, "I can't look at you in such a condition." His tears had dried up, but his smile had faded as well. I understand him and even if he doesn"t tell me his problem, I know he felt blue and he doesn"t have to smile anymore. He didn"t have to smile in front of me because I knew he was feeling heavy on something he couldn"t tell me.
I nodded in response to him and gulped before I wrapped my arms around his waist and he also wrapped his arm on my shoulder. The fireworks were over and the atmosphere returned to calm. We stayed in that position for about two minutes and no one spoke to us. I also wanted to apologize to him as he said, but I didn"t know where I could find the courage to speak up.
We departed from the hug and our expression remained bleak. I stared straight into his eyes and he did the same until he broke the silence that enveloped us.
"Can you please open your messenger?" he asked out of the blue. I don"t know why he made me do that, but I never asked. I took my phone out of the bag I was carrying and I obeyed what he said. I looked at him when I"m done opening it and he took his phone out of his pocket.
I was surprised, but my mouth remained shut and I just waited for him to clarify what he asked me to do until I saw that there was a new message to me and it was from him. I looked at him before I opened his message and it was a link. I didn't bother to ask him what the link was about and I just clicked on it and it went straight to the Facebook app.
A few seconds passed before I finally saw the content of the link and I couldn't believe what I saw. I stiffened in my stance, but I couldn"t explain how I felt. I just stared at the photo after reading the caption and I didn"t know what to do. Should I be mad? I don"t think I have the right to be mad and I don"t feel that either now.
"El, I"m sorry," he apologized. I didn"t look at him and I also had no response. "I will not beg you to forgive me because I did not deserve it," he stated. I don't understand and but I'm confused. Why does the world seem to turn upside down? The words he said now must come from me.
I gasped and then lowered my hand holding the phone. I didn't look at him and just focused my attention on the city of lights that was witnessing what was currently happening to us.
The world is so weird. I have endured for a long time to follow what I think is right even when I put aside to be happy and indulge myself. I tried for a long time to love the man next to me who was just playing with me.
I feel nothing and I just want to disappear to give myself a break. I don"t know when he even lied to me and hopefully, he just told the truth so we don"t have to suffer anymore. I am aware that I have no right to be mad with him because I am not hurt or jealous at all. We are just the same; we both just struggled with the situation.
I shifted my gaze to him and I could see the sadness on his face. He felt sorry for what he did because he thought I would be hurt and mad. "Do you feel guilty for what you did?" I asked, he gulped and nod as a response. "You don"t have to feel guilty at all, Ivan. We tried to work, didn't we? We are not the only ones destined," I stated.
He averted his eyes as he took a deep breath. "Still, I"m sorry," he simply said and I can see the building of tears in his eyes. I don"t know how I can make it clear to him that he doesn"t have to be guilty of what he did because we both just try to love each other even though we like someone else. I"m not sure, but I think he met the woman in the picture during the times we got to know each other because he wouldn"t like me if he liked someone before he met me.
Their picture is a hot topic and it"s spreading on social media. He was with a girl I did not know. She"s not familiar with me and I"m curious where they met, but right now I don"t have to worry about that. People think Ivan was a two-timer and I will make it clear to everyone that he is not like that. I fully assumed that I would be the one to receive the judgments, but the world seemed to be turned upside down. I didn"t want people to hate him, he didn"t deserve to be judged because he was a good person. He did nothing wrong; he just loved and so did I. No one is to blame for what happens.
"Let's end up everything we"ve s-started," I stated, stuttering. He slowly nodded in response and at the same time, his tears were falling. He bends down his head as he sobs and I can"t do anything to comfort him because I think he"s very affected by what"s happening, but it just doesn"t seem to matter to me.
"I"ll go first, El. Don't go with me anymore and just go back to your table with Aly," he stated before looking at me. He smiles, but I can see that he do that forcefully. "Do you know what my wish is?" he asked and I shook my head. "My wish is for you, El. I hope you will always be happy," he stated and I don't know why my tears gathered so fast in my eyes when I heard what he said. It immediately flowed down my cheek as I looked at him straight and he again placed his palms on my jaw so that his thumb could wipe away the grain of my tears. "This is a tear of joy, isn"t it?" he stated, smiling. He released me and turned away without hearing a response from me until he disappeared from my sight. I turned to the bench we had been sitting on earlier and there I saw the gift I had given.