Chapter 37

El"s point of view
Everything went fine, but I was not quite happy. Perhaps this is when we do what is best for us while ignoring our hearts wants. It's difficult to force ourselves to do things that go against our feelings; you never know when you'll learn or educate yourself. Because of the "what ifs" we have in mind, deciding which path to take in life might be difficult. The most important thing is to take risks, but I'm frightened that someone may be hurt, so as long as I can, I'll continue and believe that I'll learn something that I can't do now.
It's been a month since Ivan and I decided to start dating. Nothing has changed in the month that has gone. It becomes more difficult to act normal in front of others as time passes. I'm happy with Ivan, but I'm not sure why I don't like him as much as he likes me. I am happy when I am with him and his friends, but despite the efforts he has made and the feelings he has made me feel, I still consider him a friend.
I don't want to hurt him in any way. I want to end what I started; I want to tell him to stop because my feelings haven't changed. I'm not sure when or how I'll be able to tell him without causing him too much pain. He genuinely wanted to take me to their house as his parents wanted to meet me and I was unable to do so. I didn't want his parents to know who I am and; I didn't want to visit them as their son is simply a friend of mine. I didn't want to see them because I was afraid they'd like me for Ivan, and I'd end up hurting him.
I believed everything was easy; I thought I could accomplish my aims, but I was mistaken. I understood that while the intellect is difficult to control, the heart is the most difficult to disobey since we cannot compel ourselves to love something or someone that our hearts have not chosen. When you do what you want, there is no guarantee that you will go where you want to go, but if you think about it, you can get on the right track. In my current situation, I'm already unsure about what I should do; what path to take.
More people are becoming nearer to my heart as time passes. I've also become accustomed to the attention that others lavish on me, and it's one of my problems. I don't want to hear anything that would weaken my self-esteem; I don't want anyone to be upset with me, so I'm not sure how to explain to them why I couldn't like the person they believed I liked. As more than one person will be hurt, I'm not sure I'll even choose what my heart desires. For the time being, I must focus on where I am, and I am certain that everything will work out.
As Aly pinched my cheeks, I shook my head. I gazed at her and then realized the van we were in had come to a halt.
"El, you're thinking too deeply, you could drown," she joked. "We're here, so you can finish what you're thinking later," she said, as the van's driver emerged to open the door next to me.
Aly and I exited the van, and the first time I walked outside, I was astounded by the elegance of their home. I was blown away by Aly's home, which was both lovely and big. This sort of house appears in a movie; I'm not sure if it's still a house because it resembles a royal mansion. We have yet to be able to pass through their gate, but their home is noticeable. Aly also wanted us to come down here so I could have a good look at their yard.
Aly approached me and clasped our hands together. The guard opened the gate and bowed slightly. I took a deep breath as I gazed at the yard's fountain and garden. It's extremely pleasant to look at as there are many orchids and a variety of flowers. There were also several types of trees planted on both sides of the house, allowing me to hear the chirping of passing birds. The surroundings was so clean and fresh that I couldn't comprehend how they managed to keep it that way.
Aly remained silent, allowing me to take in the grandeur of the surroundings. We proceeded carefully as well, and when we arrived at their house's main entrance, I had a glance at her. She smiled, and the door suddenly opened, allowing me to peer into their massive home. I instantly peered around every corner and saw that it had 3 dimensions. Almost everything I see is gold, and theirs a walls are covered in large family photo. The two couples exchanged smiles, but Aly remained expressionless in the center. I could see her natural elegance because she wasn't wearing glasses. Her parents appear to be strict, and she resembles her mother.
I was going to compliment her on her appearance when she interrupted me. "Let's go to my room, El," She said as I nodded and led the way up the stairwell.
When I reached the second floor of their house, I could see numerous rooms plainly. I can't quite figure out why their house is so big because there are only three of them living here. Maybe if I lived here and was constantly alone, I'd go insane in quiet and get lost every day due to the room's sheer immensity. We're still on the second floor, and I haven't seen the third, but I'm dizzy all over the place. I used to think their house was a mansion, but now I'm wondering whether it's a hotel because all I see are rooms.
El and I came to a halt in front of a door, which she opened. We were greeted by a large and bright room. Green and white were the only colors I noticed. Her room is far too large, comparable to my apartment's living room and bedroom. My bed was half the size of hers, and it was incredibly soft and luxurious when we sat at the end.
"Your house, Aly, is both large and elegant. This room of yours is magnificent; it appears to be the same size as my apartment," I marveled. She smiled, but I could see the pain and sorrow in her eyes. Even though she doesn't say it, I know her parents are the source of her misery.
"I'm not sure what the point of my huge and luxurious house is, El. When it comes to family, I've never been happy in my life. I only see them once, and even if I do, it's no longer important for me as they treat me the same."
I didn't know what to say to Aly, so I simply smiled at her to let her know I was here so she could depend on me. We are in a comparable situation, thus we must assist one another.
"Aly, do your folks know I'm here?" I asked. I want to be certain that she will not be subjected to any problems as a result of my presence. As I didn't want her parents to chastise her because of me, I asked her.
"They don't know," she answered, shaking her head. "But don't worry. They are not returning home at this time. They only come home on weekends, and if they find out, I can take care of it myself. Let me defend you. You are the only person who cares about me so I will not allow them to take you away from me."
I was perplexed by what he stated, so I inquired. "What do you mean?"
"They keep me away from things that won't help my academics," she sighed and diverted her gaze from me. "They simply want me to concentrate on my academics and not be distracted. Friendship was one of the things they barred me from because they said that a friend could do me no good."
We were engulfed in silence because I couldn't talk. Her life is so complicated, and I have no idea where she rests and has fun for the years we haven't met. I didn't understand why her parents were like way; I don't comprehend how parents can neglect their children like dad does. I do not know how they can afford to eat every day without knowing whether or not their children are in good situation.
Aly rose to her feet and turned to face me. "Do you want to only share here in my room or do you want to stay in the guess room?" she asked with a genuine smile.
I smiled and responded, "Let's just share here in your room, Aly."
Her smile expanded even more as she nodded. "I'll just go to the guest room and fetch something, so I'll leave you here. I'll also have a snack ready."
"Where can I take a bath?" I ask, nodding as well.
When I glanced in the direction she pointed, I noticed a door. "You are free to use my bathroom. I also have other clothing that I haven't worn yet; you may choose from them; they're just in the closet."
In response, I shook my head. "I've got some clothing, Aly," I said, pointing to the backpack I was carrying.
She walked out of the room with a nod. I quickly gathered my things and proceeded to her bathroom. My uniform is also in my backpack because we have class tomorrow and I'm staying here overnight.
The days have passed by, and we are halfway through the school year. We are currently in the second semester, and our Practical Research 1 class requires us to conduct and accomplish research in groups. Aly is one of my group members, and I'm here to discuss with her our research topic. I'm the group leader, and she's my secretary, and I'm grateful that she's one of my group members as she's also one of our class's brightest, so I won't have any trouble writing our research paper.
When groupings are the class activity, I don't trust my group members' work, so I take full responsibility or, if it not, I double-check what they do, resulting in double work, which wastes my time. Our study will be easier now that one of my group members is Aly, because I am confident in the quality of her work. In fact, in the first semester, I was first in our class and she was second. Although there is no competition, I am trying my best to keep my position.
Her bathroom was extremely enormous, almost as big as my apartment's dining room, which was just what I expected. I quickly had a 15-minute shower before getting dressed and heading out. I walked to her bed, but she wasn't there yet, so I brushed my hair while looking around.
I look at my phone on the bed when I heard the vibrated. Someone texted me, and when I looked at it, I saw it was from Jas. I opened the message he sent and was ready to respond when my phone rang, and it was him calling. I swipe the answer button and I put my phone near to my ear.
"Hello, El? Where are you? " he asked.
"Why, Jas? Is there anything wrong? I am here at my friend's house," I stated.
I never heard his voice again so I checked to see if the call had ended. "Jas, are you okay?" I asked as I saw the call was not end.
He sputteringly questioned, "W-f-friend?" who's I'm not sure if his voice faltered or if it was due of my mobile coverage.
"I'm at Aly's place, my friend's house. Why? Is there anything going on with you? Do you want me to come to you? "
"No, you haven't. I'm OK; I'm simply curious as to where you are. I'm from your apartment, El." He chuckled as he continued, "I need to go to the campus, I am late. Bye, be careful."
When he hung up, I realized how much I missed him. I haven't seen him in a month and haven't been able to communicate with him. I'm not sure why he no longer visits my apartment, and he can't even text me. It was as if he knew I was planning to forget about my feelings for him, so he gave me more than enough time to do it, but it hadn't happened yet.