Chapter 53

I'm getting the impression that El is trying to avoid me. She isn't like that, and she has never treated me low. Despite this, I didn't feel hurt; in fact, I'm relieved as I think she's envious of Baki. There's no way of knowing for sure, but I can't control how I feel, so if I stay here any longer and watch her behaviors and interactions with me, I might lose control of my emotions.
"It"s late, Aly. We need to get some sleep," El said as she stood in front of Aly.
"I'm going home, too," I remarked as I stood up after a gulp and a clearing of my throat.
El maintained her back to me while Aly gazed in my direction. I approached them and took a position on El's side, oblivious to the fact that he couldn't even look at me. Aly smiled as she looked at El and me alternately. Even though we were already engulfed in silence, it's inconceivable that El was unaware that I was standing next to her. El moved a little away from me after a few seconds. As Alt saw it, she smiled even bigger.
I'm not going to ask her what happened; I'm not going to ask her if she's mad at me and why she's mad at me; and I'm not going to let her lose any feelings she has for me. I want to give her enough time to make things obvious to her, and I'm willing to wait until she can obtain clarity on how she feels.
What I see and feel about how she actually feels about me isn't certain. For the time being, my expectations are soaring, and I can't help but believe that our feelings are mutual. I don't care if my expectations were off; what matters is that I was happy, even if it was only in my head. I can't make myself forget how I feel for her, so I'll just focus on the motivation she shows. If everything is a hoax, if she offers me adequate explanations, and if she is formally loving Ivan, I will succumb because that is sufficient reason for me to forget about my feelings for her. Maybe it's because I haven't seen her happy with someone else that I can't forget how I feel.
"El, I'm leaving," I stated, but she didn't look at me.
"Okay," she simply replied.
Aly nodded as I returned my sight to her. I began walking to the entrance with the banner I had made for Baki, and as I reach the doorway, I returned my gaze to El's location.
I noticed that she was gazing at me as well as I shifted my glance to her, but she quickly diverted her stare. She sat down on the sofa and turned away from me, never looking back.
I exited her apartment and began heading back to my place. The atmosphere was serene, and I could see the glorious moon and stars above me as I looked up at the sky. If this is the environment I'm in, I won't get tired even if I walk a few kilometers. I would not be able to see the beauty and tranquility of the night if I didn't have my illness because I cherished the dawn more at the time. Every night, I was delighted to see how lovely everything looked, particularly the sky.
I couldn't see anyone walking because it was already 3 a.m. A few automobiles passed by, and I could feel the cool breeze of the wind as I walked along the side of the road. I hope the weather stays this way so I can always feel calm; I hope it stays chilly so I don't have to worry if I get too agitated or heavy.
There are many things I can avoid, but I only have difficulty handling emotions. I could promise not to leave the house every morning, not to drink or eat hot foods or beverages, and to avoid and not do things that involve heat, but I couldn't promise that I could always control my emotions, therefore I knew my emotions would kill me if I was doomed to die young.
I arrived at my home street after an hour of walking. The rosters are crowing as it's now morning, and I'm passing houses with lights on, indicating that someone is likely preparing breakfast for the entire family. I switched my focus to Baki's house as soon as I arrived at my unit. I noticed their light was turned on from their window, so I proceeded to their balcony and knocked on their main door.
Baki came up to me with a spoon as soon as the door opened. I could also smell what she was cooking in the kitchen, so I made a joke to her right away. "What are you cooking? Stop gazing at me and get back to cooking; you might blame me if your house burns down."
She frowned and smacked me across the head with the spoon in her hand. "Your face is so thick; thicker than the Earth's mantle," she said, turning away from me.
She walked right into the kitchen, and I followed suit. I sat in their dining chair while she was cooking.
"Is Bry on duty?" I asked, referring to her younger brother.
"Do you see him?" she questioned, perplexing me, but I managed to respond.
"No," I simply said, turning to glance around the corner to see whether Bry was here.
"Even though you haven't seen him, you're still inquiring? Perhaps you just want to hear my voice," she said, turning to face me.
I smirked and frowned at her. "Your face is so hard; it must be even tougher on the sea floor," I said, and she laughed.
She turned away from me and muttered, "You motherfucker."
We didn't speak again until she was done cooking. I took the water from the refrigerator as she set two plates and utensils on the dining table. I sat down with a glass in my hand as she put the fried rice and side dish in the refrigerator for me.
Baki and I are extremely close friends. Baki is my best friend, while El is my childhood friend. I'm always at ease with her, and there's never any discomfort between us while we're together. I treat her as if she were a member of my family, and I consider her a sister. Whatever curse term she throws at me, I don't mind because I'm used to it and accept anything she says. We're friends who aren't particularly nice to each other because we're often squabbling. We judge each other, and if others see us, they'll assume we're fighting because we yell, but the truth is, that's how we treat each other.
I appreciate everything she's done for me. She never forgets the things I avoid, and she always remembers the things that aren't appropriate for me whenever we're together. She is the best friend that everyone desires, and I am grateful to have someone like her in my life. She isn't aware that I like El yet, but I know she senses it. She doesn"t just tell me because she wants me to open up a conversation about how I really feel. I'm not sure when I'll be able to inform her because I'm sure she'll be concerned about me.
When I hadn't seen El in a long time, she was the one person who gave me reason to live. I'm not sure whether I'm her best friend, but I don't care cuz I know how significant I am in her life. I had no idea what she had seen in me beforehand, and she pushed herself into me despite my refusal to interact with her. She made numerous sacrifices for me, as well as providing me with a great deal of help, which I will gratefully accept for the rest of my life. We shall be apart one day because she, also, has a dream, but I will not hesitate to help her if she requires it.
She's a frigid person who makes it difficult to guess what's on her mind, and even if she's a lady, I'd be terrified of her if I didn't know her. When it comes to me, she is very outspoken, but when it comes to other people, she is very modest. She was happy when she came to me, but when other people were in front of her, even smile was hard for to see in her.
"You appear to be deep in thought, Jas." Do you have a problem? "She asked, breaking the pause between us.
"There's a problem, but don't worry. I can handle it," I replied with a shake of my head. She is there for me when I can no longer carry the weight of my emotions, especially when I am dealing with a family and health situation.
"When you can't take it," she continued seriously, "I'm just here. Always free to listen."
She only rolled her eyes at me as I chuckled at what she said. I knew she was worried about me, but I couldn't help but chuckle at what she said because she appeared to be such a nice person. She isn't sweet, and saying such a thing isn't in her vocabulary. We usually just ask each other questions, and if we aren't told what the problem is, we accept it since it means we can fight and solve it. When we were no longer able to remain alone and felt overwhelmed, we shared our problem.
"Did you eat anything, and do you talk like that? Did you forget that we're a cool set of people?" I joked as I questioned her.
"I'm the only one cool between us," she smirked. "You're a shy teenage boy."
"You're a complete egotist. It's like you didn't beg on me to be friends with you. Is that how you describe someone who is cool?" I asked, recalling our past.
She smirked once again and looked me in the eyes. She placed her elbow on the table while she inter-wined her own fingers. "You"re such an egoism too. It's like you didn't cry in front of me because you breakdown on your problem," she said, smiling.
What she said made me chuckle, and it made me laugh as well. I picked up the food she had put in the refrigerator after a few minutes of conversation and we ate the breakfast she had prepared together. She cooked fried rice and our dish was omelet. She also sips hot chocolate with oats, and we continue to speak about unimportant topics as we eat. She ate very little because she had a tournament later, and I knew she had to go early now, so I hurried my meal when I saw she was through.
I offered to wash our dirty dishes after we finished dining. She accepted and went to her room to prepare her things for her departure. I waited for her in the living area when I finished washing and soon, she came out carrying the shoes and bag containing her uniform and other necessities that she would use later.
"What? Am I handsome?" she asked as she notice I am memorizing her figure.
"What do you mean handsome? Are you a lesbian?" I asked. I have been asking her that question for a long time but she refuses. I don"t know if she"s telling the truth because her demeanor and style say otherwise. She looks like a guy so I'm also one of those who are confused about what she really is.
As I expected, she shook her head in response before she sat beside me. She placed the bag she was carrying on the table while she placed her shoes on the floor. As she sat next to me, she put her socks on her feet and when she was finally able to put on her shoes, she stood up and looked at me as I sat on the sofa.
"Good luck," I told her sparingly.
"You will treat me when we win," she stated, smiling.
I nodded and said, "Sure, but in one condition."
"Okay, I want to know what the condition is," she said and the smile on her lips never faded.
I clear my throat before responding to her. "I will treat you if you become the MVP."
She laughs and asks, "Is that final?" I nodded in response. "Deal, your condition is easy, Jas. That's just easy for me. I will not tire to get of that," she added.
I smirk and said, "Don"t be an arrogant. When you lose the tournament, I will laugh at you all night."
"Go, laugh at me all night. Let's see if we can catch up with you tomorrow. I will not help you, I will also laugh at you until you lose your breath."
I tsk and I have nothing more to say because she already defeated me. I took behind me the banner I was made and then handed it to her.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Don't open it now," I stated.
"Why? What's this?"
"It's a certificate,"
"Certification for what?" she asked again and I could see in her eyes that she was curious and she seemed to really want to see what I gave.
"Looks like you can't wait to see what that is so I'm leaving," I stated and then I got up and went to the door.
"Wait, Jas," she stopped me. I didn't look at her, but I waited for what she would say.
"Thank you," she said and I can"t explain why I can hear from her voice the mixture of melancholy and enthusiastic she felt.
When I look at her, I see she has already opened the banner I gave and I can clearly see in her face how much she is affected and how much she liked the simple banner I made. I am glad that she like it. I can't watch her play, but I want her to feel that I am her number one fan.
"Good luck, Baki. I believe in you," I stated before turning my back at her and then I went out the door.