Chapter 46

While I waited for her to come, I went to the dining room table and prepared our breakfast. I'm not sure when it'll happen again; I'm not sure when we'll be able to be together again, and I want to make the most of it. Nobody knows when she will fall in love with Ivan, and I'm hoping that when that occurs, I'll be able to forget about my feelings for her.
While I was waiting for her, I decided to check out my social media accounts, and a photo of them appeared right away. People know Ivan, thus El's status is no longer ordinary when she comes out. Many people now recognize her, and I'm delighted that she's gotten used to the attention she receives from them. We both didn"t want people attention but she was able to face her fears for Ivan. Ivan was so lucky with El that he didn't have any motive to hurt her, and I didn't know what to do when he did.
They have a lot of fans, and I'm glad that El doesn't have to deal with any negative comment from them. Hopefully the point doesn"t come that the people around them will affect her because I know she can"t handle that. Everyone does not want to be judged, and no one, even if they are bad, deserves to be ridiculed as everything that happens and every decision that a person makes is for a purpose.
Every decision we make in life has a cause behind it; whether it's good or bad, we're doing it for a reason. It's natural for us to commit mistake; no one is flawless, and we shouldn't be scared to make them. The fact that we make mistakes or fail is one of the reasons why we learn, grow, and mature.
El came after 30 minutes of waiting and was clothed in her uniform. She approached the dining table and we faced each other as we sat down. She was staring at the meal I'd served and didn't say anything until she look at me. I smiled at her, but she didn"t reciprocated.
"Did you prepred this?" she asked, and I nodded, my smile never fading. "You don't have to cook this much breakfast, Jas," she said, trying not to laugh. I had no clue why she was looking at me in that way, so I asked.
"What's the matter with you holding back your laughter?" I asked, and she smiled at me. I'm not sure what occurred between us; if I was smiling before, she was smiling now, and I'm puzzled.
"Did you actually make this for me?" she questioned, pointing to the meal on the table with her index finger. She chuckled as I responded with a nod. "Jas, don't think I'm laughing about your effort. I'm simply bewildered, but I'm also delighted. After you took my uniform, did you go to Jollibee? "I gave a second nod. In a split second, she bit her lower lip and stared at me before chuckling again. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you for the effort. I must be the one making the effort to make up for you going to the apartment last night. You just wasted your time coming to me and I wasn't there."
Even though I didn"t see her that night, I can"t say I wasted my time. I want know to explain that to her but I don't know how.
"El, it's no longer a problem. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude for appreciating my effort to prepare this for you," I said. I hope I made it clear to her that I'm fine with it and that she doesn't have to do anything. When she just came here to my apartment, it was too much effort.
"Why? Did it ever cross to you that I was unable to appreciate what you did?" s he asked and I nodded as response. "What made you believe that?" she asked once again.
Before I respond, I take a long breath. "I can"t cook for you, El. I can't make Ivan's effort to cook you something to eat, so I thought you wouldn't notice what I ordered as I didn't put in the effort to serve it to you." Her smile faded from her lips as I said those words. I waited to hear what she had to say as I didn't know why she had changed her expression.
"Jas, you don't have to compare yourself to Ivan," she said after staring at me for about 30 seconds. "You are different and both of you are my friend."
Even if she said that, it still didn"t bother me that I didn"t compare myself. She just says that because she's not in my shoes, and I'm sure if she gets a chance to be me, she'll realize that I can't avoid being compared to Ivan.
I'm aware that every one of us has abilities that others lack, but I'm not sure what I'm capable of that others aren't. My life was so limited, and what was going on in my life was always the same.
I pleaded, "Can we please stop talking about that?" I don't want to be surrounded by a hostile atmosphere between us, and as I already stated, I want to make the most of this time. With a smile on my face, I said, "Let's just eat." Before she put the utensils on the plate, she also smiled and nodded.
As she twisted the spaghetti on the fork she was holding, she questioned, "You haven't slept?"
"Don't worry, I'm used to not sleeping at night," I responded, nodding in agreement. " My body is habituated to sleeping in the mornings, and I do wake up in the night."
Before she swallowed out the spaghetti, she said, "You look like a vampire."
As we ate, I joked, "While you look like a zombie," and delight flooded the entire dining table. For the time being, my apartment became deafening, and I could hear the echo from every corner. I've been muffled by the stillness for the past month, and it's only now that I'm thrilled again.
We didn't miss anything, and if she wasn't speaking, I was, so we didn't run out of things to talk about. When she's the one in front of me and talking to me, I'm not sure why I shed my introvert nature. I regarded her in a totally different way than I would any other person I know.
I'm not sure how much personality I have; I treat El differently, and Baki and Bry differently as well, but everything I do and how I treat them is genuine. I'm not a fake, but when it comes to El, I'm not sure why I'm different. Perhaps this is why I like her; when it comes to her, I am an extrovert who constantly laughs. I found the relaxation I needed, the serenity I desired, and the appreciation I sought in her.
It's already 6:00 a.m., and we've eaten our meal. I couldn't walk with her all the way to the high road since the sun had risen. I wanted to see her go on the bus and wave to her before she vanished from my sight, but I couldn't because of my horrible allergies.
I forced myself to smile at her and added, "Text me when you're already on campus." We are now facing each other in front of the door because she is leaving and her bag pack is behind her.
"When will we meet again?" she asked. "I'm hoping it doesn't take another month." She tapped me on the shoulder before laughing a little more. "Send me a text when you're coming to my place. By the way, when do you think we'll be able to go to Nanay Lao? Nanay Lao only went to the café in the morning, according to her employees, and she would go home to her house in the evening."
"Don't worry, I'll be in contact with her," I responded with a nod. "I'll simply send you a text when we're going to see her," I said, and she hold the doorknob.
She smiled and added, "I'll go now and text you when I get to campus."
"Take care, and thank you for coming to see me," I added with a smile.
I was a little surprised when she released the door know and she opened her arms while looking directly at my face. I'm not sure if I'm grasping what she's trying to say to me; I'm not sure if I was thinking correctly when she asked for a hug from me.
I gulped and was going to ask her a question, but she spoke.
While her arms are still outstretched, she said, "I want a hug, Jas." She said, "Come on."
I stepped gently towards her, trying to keep my composure. We were only a short distance apart, and I couldn't figure out why I could only see her as I neared her. I could see slow motion even with the blink of her eye and everything around her was blurred.
She instantly wrapped her arms around my waist when I finally reached her position. As her face was on my chest, I froze and hoped she didn't hear my abnormal heart rhythm. I seemed to be running out of breath, I felt as if I had ran a few kilometers to hug her; yet the fact is, we are simply too near.
This is the time I'm avoiding; this is the emotion I'm trying to dodge; and this is the reason I just want to not see her because my heart does not allow her to leave that I do not feel strange joy. I don"t know when I will learn to teach my heart to calm down; I didn"t know how I could reciprocate her hug without fear.
I bit my lower lip and then I hugged her back. I counted ten seconds before I took her away from me and I couldn't look at her when she said something to me.
"Thank you, I'm OK with 10 seconds," she stated. "I'm leaving now," she remarked as she walked out the door.
I ran to my room and went to the restroom to calm down as soon as she came out. The only thing that keeps me going is to take a shower to calm my blood flow and soothe my heart, which is yearning for joy yet quickly tired.
I don't know why I'm one of the ones that suffers from this allergies. I'm not an evil person. Why am I here if I am not a sinner? In the event that water isn't available, what should you do? When will I die? How can I keep fighting and believing in myself if I can't do what makes me happy? Will I be able to live with this situation the rest of my life? Will I be able to recover? When will I recover? If the people who are important to me are gone?
I take a peek at the droplets of water on the floor. My hand was red, and I knew my entire body was now red. I hadn't taken off my jacket yet, but I smiled when I remembered I was wearing El's jacket. I had a reason to accept my situation and not be concerned about the change in my skin.
I removed off all of my clothing and found that all of my body parts were red. Only redness appeared in my body, which I had to be grateful for, since if I had a rash and had difficulties breathing, I would have to wait a long time to see her again.
When I remembered what had happened earlier, I comprehended what she had stated. I'm not sure why she had to keep track of how many times we embraced each other. I thought I was the only one who was keeping count, but she was as well. Although ten minutes was not enough for me to be able to prolong our hug, I couldn't do anything to make it last longer as I couldn't take it any longer. I don't want her to see how hard I fight; I don't want her to blame herself as she doesn't do anything wrong. We can't teach our feelings, thus no one is to blame.
I don't know why I don't grow weary of seeing and talking to her even though she brought me this way. She is not only the source of my happiness, but she is also the potential threat in my life. I can't afford to let her go, and I'd rather die happy than disheartening because I don't see her anymore.