Chapter 83

"What are you saying? Don't lead me," I replied softly, which made her wince even though tears were still dripping down her cheeks.
"Why? Why don't I take the lead? Are you afraid? What are you afraid of?"
"I don't know where the questions you're asking are coming from." I stepped on my foot to leave in front of her but she grabbed my arm. She pushed me towards the railings, but I didn't feel any pain even though she pushed me with force. "What do you need from me?" I lost my temper and raised my voice when I asked her a question.
"Why do you want to leave? Are you running away? From what?" she asked as if she was challenging for reasons I don't know. "You are not like this. Your personality is not like this, but why do you seem to be different now? Are you brave now? Do you think you're cool?"
I gulped and averted my eyes from her. My jaw tightened because of holding back from shouting at her. When I looked back at her again, one of her eyebrows rose. "Why? Are you the only one who can be cool, Baki? Stop acting like a kid. I want to leave because I can't get anything sensible from you. You don't say anything important so why should I listen to you?" She didn"t respond to what I said so I continued what I was saying. "I need to know how Jas is," I replied gently and then turned my back on her. I face the fresh air and observed the lights coming from the buildings and houses.
I understand how Baki feels now. I know she"s worried as well as I am so I won"t think about anything we don"t understand now. I felt her approach my side and then she also observed what I was looking at.
"Please, stay away from Jas," she suddenly said, causing me to turn from her. She wasn"t looking at me, but when she felt my gaze on her, she looked at me too. Tears dripped down her cheeks again and she immediately wiped them away with her palm. "I wasn't born to cry like this, but here I am in front of you crying because I'm in so much pain."
I gulped but I couldn"t take my eyes off her. "I know everything. Stay away from him and he will not know the truth. Just stay away from him because I can't stand to see him suffering because of you." She did not stop wiping away her tears but neither did they stop falling. "That's enough, stop it. You already won. Don't be with him anymore."
"I don't understand you," I replied while shaking. "I'm leaving." I no longer waited for her response and I started walking. I thought she wouldn't stop me, but when I got to the front of the door, I stopped because of what she said.
She inquired, "Why did he choose you?" I didn't move from my spot, but I did turn to face her. Despite the distance between us, I could hear her voice. "Can you tell me why he chose you?" Why shouldn't it be me? Since then, I've always been by his side. He'd only just seen you lately, but why did he fall in love with you? " When I heard what she said, I was devastated and couldn't believe it was coming from her. She walked up to my position and shoved me in the shoulder, causing my back to hit the steel door.
"You have no idea how excruciating it is to hear every joyful thing he tells me while he's with you." Her sobs became more intense, and I could feel the burning in the corner of my eye, as well as the ache in my throat from the accumulation of my tears.
"Do you know how much pain I'm in? You have no idea because you aren't in my situation. He has a feeling for you. What do I have to cope with in this? I'm just a best friend," she said as my tears streamed down my face.
I'm not sure what made me cry. Probably to bring it all together; perhaps the weight I was carrying was too much for me to handle.
We were enveloped in silence for a few seconds and only our sob served as noise until she spoke again.
"What made him choose you over me? Why does he love you when he can love me just as well? I was one step ahead of you. In all of his troubles, I sympathize with him. I was his light when he was in the dark, but when you arrived, I appeared to be out of battery. All of his focus was on you," I couldn't say, and my tears just kept streaming. I couldn't feel her anguish, but I understood what she was going through.
"I don't hurt him as you do. I can take care of him, I can also do all your abilities, but why can't he look at me? Do you love her? Answer me truthfully!"
I swallowed and then nodded in response. "Yes, I do, Baki."
"I don't know if you're lying, but I only have one request from you. Stay away from him as early as possible if you have a conscience. He can't, his body can't if he continues to fight from the hardship and pain just for you. It hurts for my part, but I'm not blind and numb like you. He likes you too and in exchange for that is the most important thing to him. His life."
I don't comprehend what she's saying. She asked whether I liked Jas and added that the man I like likes me as well, but she is now pushing me away. "It was because of you that I found out he likes me as well. We like each other and will fight his illness together, so I'm going to tell you right now that what you desire is unlikely to happen."
She sighed and slammed the aluminum door. "Do you still not understand? He is forbidden to love! Love will kill him! You will kill him!"
I swallowed and no response came out of my mouth. My brain didn't seem to be able to process what she said because of my stiffness in my position. "I was hurt, but I know that nothing hurts more than two people who love each other but someone has to make sacrifices. Yes, I know how nice it feels to be liked by the person you like but that"s not in your favor. You love each other and if you are sincere in what you say, you will leave him." She came closer to me and looked me straight in my eye. "If you think you're the winner between the two of us, you're wrong."
She grabbed me by the arm causing me to kneel in front of her. "You think you're the only one who knows how to play?" She asked and I could see how she smirked before she left me alone.