Chapter 84

I'm currently sitting next to Jas's bed, staring into his face. He was still not awake, but his rash had vanished and his skin was still red. I was the only one keeping an eye on him. I'm not sure where Baki went when she left me on the rooftop, and I'm not sure if Doctor Bry will return.
Jas's allergies are having a bad effect now so the doctor told me to expect that I will have to wait a little longer for Jas to wake up again. I didn"t know what to do at these times and all I could think of was to see his eyes open and smiling.
It was clear to me why it happened to him. I became selfish and I deeply regretted not thinking about the things that could have affected him. I didn't believe my impression that he liked me as well, so I didn't assume it was, and that may be why I didn't consider what would happen to him.
I desperately wanted him to wake up, but I was frightened to speak about his feelings for me. As his life is on the line, I'm hesitant to take a chance. I need to know how he feels about me and I want to hear it from him. I want clarification, I want to be sure but I don't know how because I don't want this to happen again.
I have hurt him more than three times. There is nothing that compares to the hardship he is experiencing, and if there was a way for me to alleviate the pain he is experiencing, I would gladly assist him. I try to forget what Baki said before, but it keeps resurfacing in my thoughts; I'm constantly reminded of something I don't want to do.
Why did she even say that Jas likes me too? I'm already having a hard time with my situation because of what she said earlier. I cut everything about Ivan and me to gain happiness, but great sadness and trouble greeted me.
Everything Baki said had a point. If I did what she said, the situation would not get worse. I am happy to know that the person I want also likes as well, but destiny does not favor us. It hurts so much on my part to know that Jas likes me, but I have to stay away for his sake.
My eyes are swollen and I feel like my body is getting heavier due to fatigue. I"m tired physically and mentally, but I don"t know how I"m going to take a rest if Jas"s situation is like this. I hope he wakes up now and tells me not to worry about him. He is my strength; I get my vitality from him, and I am feeling the same way now that he is suffering.
There was a knock, and I locked my gaze on the door. I didn't bother to speak or open the door anymore; instead, I sat and waited for the knocker to come in. The door slowly opened and Doctor Bry entered while he was carrying a paper bag. He immediately headed in my direction and handed me what he was carrying.
"Eat first before you go home," he said, looking at me with a smile.
I didn"t take the paper bag he handed and then I gave a response. "I will not go home. I want to wait for Jas to wake up," I responded and I shifted my gaze to Jas. "I want him to see me first when he wakes up and my apology is the first thing he hears," I continued accompanied by tears that I thought were gone. I immediately wipe it with the back of my palm.
He put the paper bag on the table and he sat on the side of the bed. He was facing me and I immediately looked at him when he mentioned my name. "El, don't worry about Jas. He is stronger than you think," he stated, smiling. "He won't be happy if this is happening to you. You don"t have to sacrifice yourself for him. He just needs enough rest," he continued. I couldn"t respond to him and the tears couldn"t stop as well from coming out of my eyes.
"It"s already 1:22 a.m., El. You have not eaten, you are still wearing your uniform, and your condition now is no longer good for you. Jas is just resting so you don"t have to watch him all night. You need to take a rest, so I will take you to your apartment."
"I already told you that I will not go home without seeing him wake up! Don't you understand that?" I couldn"t help but raise my voice when I said that word to him. "You can't force me. This is my life so let me decide what I should do."
The smile on his lips disappeared that I knew he had just forced earlier. "Will you wait here for a week? Do you think your body can handle it? El, Jas is fighting because he has a reason to live. Did you know that he may be dead now because of the effects of his allergies? But look at him, he still breathing because he knows someone is waiting for him. How do you think he would feel if something bad happened to you because of him?"
What he stated elicited no response from me. I cried even more until I felt him stand up and he hugged me. "I know it's difficult. You are still young, you should not have to go through this, but I feel you can because it will strengthen you as a person. If the Lord knows you can't handle this difficulty, it will not come. El, you must be tough because you are Jas' ally. I've known him for a few years and I've only seen him smile without concern when you stepped into his life."
He let go of the hug and went back to his seat. The smile returned to his lips as he looked at Jas. "You're to blame for why you're lying there now," he told Jas. "Even though you know it is risky, you allow yourself to love. I have not failed to remind you that love will kill you, and how many times have you also stated that such a thing is unlikely to occur; that you are unlikely to love the person more than your friend. You ate what you said, so don't blame me if I'm laughing now even though you're in that state." Doctor Bry chuckled and then turned his gaze back to me.
"Stop being stubborn. I will take you to your house whether you like it or not," he stated.
I gulp and ask him, "Who will take care of Jas?"
"I'm here." Doctor Bry and I turned to look at the door when we heard that words.
"Baki, you"re here," Doctor Bry said, smiling.
"Yes, brother I'm here," she replied while looking at me.