Chapter 52

Jas' point of view
I dialed El's number cuz I wanted to see her, and I'm delighted she's available. I'm missing her and want to make sure she's okay. I didn't care whether she was alone in her apartment because seeing her was the most important thing to me. When I first heard from her that she was with someone, I couldn't help but feel heavy, but that feeling quickly dissipated when she told me that just Aly was with her.
She has already mentioned that she has a female friend whom she wishes to introduce to me. I had no concerns to what she wanted, and I bought a food for them before going to her apartment. I don't have to look further because Jollibee is the closest store. I ordered a burger and a mc float, and I was pleased that they like the basic food I had given.
I was initially uncomfortable with Aly since she, like me, is introverted. I'm not sure why she's frightened by me, but I'm thinking it's because we're both new to interacting and dealing with strangers. Nonetheless, I forced myself to overlook my discomfort because I knew nothing would happen if we both embrace our socializing difficulties.
I'm delighted she was able to calm down around me as well. I can see why she made friends with El; they have a lot in common, and even though I've only met her, I'm instantly at ease with her, unlike most people I meet. I'm sure that El felt the same way that she instantly grew at ease with Aly because of its softhearted personality, face, and voice,
We ate and talked at the same time. The uneasy ambiance gave way to mirth, and there was no stopping the conversation until I remembered what Aly had said.
"Did she say she liked me?" I asked, a smile on my face.
I mentioned it as a joke, but I'm still waiting for a response. I was curious as to what El was saying to Aly about me, and while I knew what I asked was impossible, a part of me wished she had said it.
If I don't sense or see any motive from her, I don't think this question will arise. I've mentioned before that I've noticed something about her, but I don't have any verifiable evidence because she didn't reveal me anything; she didn't clarify anything, so I convinced myself that her acts and treatment of me were just an illusion.
Instead of responding to my question, Aly smiled and looked at El. I also looked at El, and I could tell she was surprised by her expression.
Have I gotten a sense of what she feels of me? Is Aly's answer yes to my question?
"Can you tell me why you asked? Do you have a mental issue?" With a chuckle, she questioned.
When I heard her response, I felt a jolt in my chest. I was offended by her responses, and she even implied that I was insane for asking that question. Maybe I was insane for feeling this way about her; maybe I was insane for thinking we might feel the same way about each other.
I was only trying to have a better understanding of how she was making me feel, and now that I've heard and seen from her that she doesn't give a damn about me, I can't help but be hurt by her clarity. I'm not sure why I would like her to like me despite the fact that I know I can't provide her with what she needs. I'm not sure why I want to hear from her that she likes me, despite the fact that I can't prove myself to her despite my deep feelings for her.
I'm not going to be able to vanquish Ivan. I can't match or even come close to what he can do, and he's already proven himself to El, however I'm not sure why I still want to hear from her that she likes me.
As we discussed our points of view, I asked myself a question. What would I do if she said she liked me? Will I hug her or run away because I can't believe what I'm hearing? Will I also admit that I admire her? Will I give myself the chance to prove myself to her? Would she shun me if I told her how I really felt now, or would she prefer me over Ivan?
I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep lightly later with so many questions on my thoughts. I wish I hadn't asked her that question since it would have caused my issues to worsen. I merely tried to talk openly in the hopes of getting answers to my questions, but it only became worse, so I'm regretful.
I'm grateful to Aly for bringing up an issue that makes me uncomfortable. I have the impression that El is upset with me, and I'm not sure if anything will alter in her behavior or treatment of me as a result of this. I wish I could go back in time and rectify my stupidity in asking her that question. I can't afford El to enrage with me, and I can't afford to have her treat me differently as a result of what I did before. I would choose to have her as a lifelong friend if she treated me kindly and normally in return. I can't accept that she feels sorry for me, and I hope that our good relationship isn't harmed by what happened before.
When the three of us entered the living room, I was greeted by mess on the floor, which was caused by what they were doing. They take their seats in their designated areas, and I simply observe what they are doing while remaining standing.
"What are you doing? Banner for the soccer tournament tomorrow?" I asked when I saw what Aly was doing. She was about to finish, so I questioned as to what she was doing. El, on the other hand, appears to be just getting started to the banner she is currently completing.
Aly asked, "Are you going to watch the competition tomorrow, Jas?" I turned to face her.
In answer, I shook my head and said I couldn't go. I expected her to ask as to why I couldn't attend, but she didn't because El was in the middle of a conversation.
She asked as to whether I could design, but I was unable to respond. She did that, I believe, to divert my attention away from my talk with Aly, as she didn't want me to be saddened that I wouldn't be able to watch the tournament tomorrow due to my illness. I believe she did because though she believes I am afraid to address my allergies.
'I hope it also occurs to you that I was hurt earlier as a matter of fact of your response to my question to Aly,' I thought to myself.
I can always sense her love, care, gratitude, trust, and concern for me, and those are precisely the false hopes I have for her. I fell in love with her with each adjustment and concern she showed me, and I felt a flutter in my stomach. I know we're only friends, and she only thinks of me as a friend, but I can't help how I feel about what she does and how she makes me feel. It's difficult for me to just set it away and forget because I didn't force it and I just felt it on my own.
"Are you making a banner for Ivan?" I asked her. I am sure he does banner for Ivan and I don"t know why I even asked. I would only give myself pain because of that question that I could no longer to recover or prevent her from answering.
She nodded in response and I could do nothing but nod and catch the needle that went into my heart. I"m not in a position to stop her and tell her not to do that thing because I"m jealous. I don't have to do anything because she wants it, if that's her pleasure, why would I block if I can't promise that I can give what the person who is currently proving that what he feels is true.
I could not help her; I couldn"t afford to have a contribution to the banner she was making for Ivan. So what I did, I looked for a blank cartolina paper so I could do something. I don't want to go home because they are still awake; I'll just go home when they go to sleep because if I go home now, I know I won't be able to sleep.
I also wanted to do something because I wanted to see what her expression was. I know I will look stupid in what I do, but I will still try. There"s nothing wrong with me trying something I like so I just kept looking at the blank cartolina paper until El noticed me and she asked me what I was looking for. I said what I needed and she gave it to me.
I started making a banner and as I was doing that, I could feel El staring at me. I"m not sure if she was looking at my face or at what I was doing, but I"m sure her attention was focused on me. Even so, I forced myself not to look at her and just continued what I was doing.
While I am doing lettering on the cartolina paper, some questions have formed in my mind. Like, why is she staring at me? Is she jealous because I"m making a banner for Baki? Does she also feel what I feel when I see her doing banner for Ivan?
I can"t help not to smile while thinking those thing. I was just thinking about that thing, but I was so happy that I couldn"t quite imagine how it would be when they came true.
I couldn't stop myself from looking at her so I stopped what I was doing. I looked at her without expression and when our eyes met, I can"t describe the feeling she felt. She immediately looked down to continue her work and while Aly and I were talking about my connection with Baki, I was always looking forward to El"s expression, but she wasn"t even able to look at us and she just kept on making the banner.
El and I finished at the same time and when she looked at me, she immediately looked at the banner I had made. I adjusted my grip on the banner and asked herbwhile smiling. "Is my work good? Do you think she will like it?" I asked her.
She has no expression in her face and she averted her eyes before I even heard her response to my question. She stood up and approached Aly who was waiting for us to finish the banner.
I bit my lower to help myself not to smile because of El"s action and reaction. Why would she turn her back on me? That's not how I knew her. That was the first time she did that thing to me and I think she was jealous based on the demeanor and expression she showed. There was no certainty in my mind, but I couldn"t help but feel joy in my heart.
"Aly, do you think Ivan will like what I did?" She asked Aly who was sitting in the sofa.
Aly shrugged before she looked at me and said, "It would be better iy you ask Jas, El. My brain is no longer functioning properly because I am really sleepy."
El kept her back to me when she responded to Aly's suggestion. "I think he will like it. I have a lot effort I put in to make it so if he doesn't like it, I'll cut off his head."
As Aly heard El's remark, she chuckled, and I couldn't help but smile when she looked at me. I'm not sure, but I think Aly thinks I like El. It's fortunate that Aly, whom I just saw, understands my feelings, but El, whom I've known for a long time, is unable to do so. I'm not sure if she's just numb because I haven't told her I like her. Even yet, if I had the chance, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell her the truth - she doesn't deserve someone like me.