Chapter 81

At the moment, Aly and I are in the back of the SHS building. We have one more subject before we go home, but all of the teachers are in a meeting, so we have some free time. The area has been well and surrounded by trees and grass. It was quite calming to be under the acacia.
I need this kind of serenity and I am glad that Aly is here by my side. In the midst of what was happening, I was grateful and she was there beside me and I didn"t feel like I was alone. I had already told her all that had happened thus the weight I felt was reduced.
I wanted to go home because I knew someone was waiting for my arrival but still couldn"t get out of the gate before 5:00 p.m. I knew the tiredness I got here on campus would go away when I saw the smile on his lips. I know I can forget whatever is going on today when I am with him.
He is the reason for my sacrifices and I can overcome any obstacle because I am doing something I love and I am sure of. I don"t need the opinion of others and even if they don"t like what I do, they can do nothing to lead me. It will all end too, they will also forget the thing about Ivan and me and I wish they would accept the new girl that Ivan liked just as much as they accepted me.
I can no longer change Ivan"s decision about how he feels about me. I can't do anything if he's mad at me and I will never wait for us to be friends again. I've only recently seen him furious, and I hope he can only sense it in me. I know it's strange, but I'd like to see what type of personality he had back then. I want to see him smile and be positive in whatever he does. I don't want to be the catalyst for him to change.
"El," Aly called me. I looked at her and then smiled at her. "What are you thinking? Why don't you seem happy? Isn"t this really what you want to do?" I was swallowed up by her three consecutive questions and the smile immediately disappeared from my lips.
I bowed my head before I responded to her. "I don't know either, Aly. Maybe it's because someone is mad at me." I looked up then looked at her and smiled. "Don"t worry, I"ll be okay too. I didn't do it to be sad, I did it because I chose where I would be happy."
She also smiled and then she took my hand. "I know you can, El. I'm always here when you need help," she stated and I nodded in response.
Soon Aly and I left. We headed to the gate and as usual, her service was already waiting so I was left alone in the waiting shed area. A bus passed by quickly so I got on and went home.
I slowly opened the door as I mentioned Jas's name. "I'm home, Jas," I said and headed to the living area. I leaned my head on the sofa as I closed my eyes and waited for him to respond, but I heard nothing after about a minute so I opened my eyes again.
I was stunned to see him sitting next to me, holding a white towel and drying his hair. I'm not sure if it's just my imagination, but he wipes his hair slowly and even blinks and draws a smile on his lips appear to be slowing down in my eyesight.
He has a frigid personality and actions, but he manages to make me feel warm when I look at him now. He is my pillar of strength, and he makes my heart beat rapidly in a good way. I'm not afraid to take a chance for him because he's the only one who can do this to me.
I gulped and moved towards him. He stopped what he was doing and did nothing when I hugged him. He was leaning on the side of the sofa as I hugged his body and I rested my chin on his shoulder. I could smell my shampoo and soap on him, but it didn"t reduce his manly scent.
"El, w-what are you doing?" he asked, stuttering. I could also feel his shock because of the stiffness of his body.
It took me a few seconds before he spoke and instead of answering him, I asked for a request from him. "Jas, can you hug me back?"
He was speechless, but the tension he was feeling gradually subsided until I could feel his arms wrapped around my waist.
I was thrilled when he gave it to me. I don't mind if he's curious about what I'm doing because I'm no longer terrified of him discovering the truth. I can't hide how I feel for the rest of my life, and two individuals can't be friends for their entire lives if one or both of them has feelings for the other.
We remained in that position, and the two of us simply remained silent. I'd like him to hear and feel my heartbeat so he can get a sense of how I'm feeling. I can't keep it a secret any longer, and I won't be able to until tomorrow. I enjoy expressing my feelings. I'm desperate to get out of my jitters in this situation
I will accept everything and I will do everything to make him like me too. I am certain that I have hope, my heart feels and my mind strongly believes that my sacrifice will not be in vain. No sacrifice will be wasted because it just proves that I have become a strong person and I have been able to face what I fear.
"El, are you okay?" he asked between our embrace.
"I'm not okay, Jas," I replied.
"You don't have to deal with your problem alone. I am here, ready to help you." He intended to let go of our hug, but I did not let him so he did nothing but return his embrace.
"Jas, I have something to say." I closed my eyes and then took a deep breath.
"What's that? I'm ready to listen, El."
I couldn"t help but be nervous, however, the courage to admit to him prevailed over me. I hugged him tighter before ai told him what I had been hiding from him for a long time.
"Jas, I love you. I love you so much!"
When I say that word, I didn"t know why I heard his voice in my mind. I could see myself lying in the room as he sat on the side of the bed and his face was so close to mine. He kissed my forehead and I could hear him calling my name and he said... he loved me since day one.
I shook my head to erase the weird scenario in my thoughts. I don"t know, but it"s familiar to me and even though I shook my head a few times, I still couldn"t erase my image from my mind. I can see how I raised an eyebrow and then drew a weird smile on my lips. I"m not the one he"s referring to, but I"ll make sure he likes me more than the love he felt on day one," I said to myself in my brain.
I feel like someone is controlling me. I can"t understand why I see Jas and myself in my mind. What's going on?
"Don"t love me, El. You'll only get hurt."
When I heard that term from Jas, I had just stepped away from my thoughts. It's only now that I know we won't hug anymore and I was extremely anxious as I looked at him and saw the look on his face.
"J-jas," I stuttered.