Chapter 58

We're all clueless as to where the alleged missing team captain is. I couldn't care less if they were all wondering what had happened and where he was. He's the team leader of the other group, so I'm sure his teammates are frustrated he's not here right now. He would have enjoyed the game now if he hadn't tampered with me, and he wouldn't have felt my heavy kick to him.
I laugh as I thought of something. I"m not a soccer player, but I did kick a ball earlier. I"m not a soccer player, but he felt how strong my kick was. He should thank me because that's all I did to him. He should be thankful and I didn't break his face because I'm sure he would go crazy if I bruised his face as well.
"Hey, El, why are you smiling?" Aly asked me. I"m not looking at her so when I heard her mention my name, I immediately looked at her. Her expression was surprised and it was not clear to my hearing what she said so I asked.
"What are you saying, Aly? I'm sorry I was really thinking earlier," I stated, smiling.
"What are you thinking and are you smiling?" she asked, wondering.
I gulped and I didn"t know what to say so I just smiled. "Nothing, Aly," I replied.
She didn't force me to tell her what was on my mind and she just smiled at me. That"s one of her attitudes that I like in her; when I don't tell her something, she will respect it. She"s not like other people who will get upset or angry with you if you don"t say what she wants to know.
The break time is now over so the players have returned to their respective positions. I can see they are all serious, and I can feel the tension between them. The opponent doesn't have a score yet, but it's easy to reach or surpass Ivan's team score because they only have one point left over the opponent.
The ball started with Baki and just like she did before, she passed the ball to Ivan. Ivan dribbled the ball as someone followed him. Someone tried to take the ball from him, but he managed to get through. The CU students shouted and Aly joined in. I can"t shout like they do because I"m more focused on the ball now that I see Ivan pass to his team mate.
The ball was under control on the CU soccer team until it passed again to Baki. They were close to the goal and there were three waiting for her so she passed it to Ivan again. She strike it hard and it hit Ivan's chest, but he was able to control it and he dribble closer to the goal. The opponent could not catch up with him so he strike it towards the goal. The goalie was on the left side of the goal so even though he jumped to catch the ball he was not able to touch it.
We supporters shouted and I waved the banner I was holding while smiling. "GO, IVAN! GO IVAN! GO, IVAN! " we cheered. The supporters of the other team are quiet and I know they are nervous because half time is near, but their team is still not getting a score. I don"t know if it"s because of the loss of their team captain so this is how they play but I still don"t feel guilt. It"s okay not to be kind in every situation. In what has happened to me before, no one will be kind and willing to forgive.
They scored 2-0 and only had to wait 7 minutes before half time. If the CU soccer team can still score before half time, it will be difficult for the opponent to recover. I'm happy; we are happy supporters of them; and I"m sure they"re happy too because the practice they do becomes effective.
The game continued and Teren is currently in control of the ball. I lowered the banner I was holding and took the mineral water I had bought earlier. I heard the loud cheered of the supporters of the other group, but I let it go because I drank water and when I looked again at who was already holding the ball, it was already controlled by the other group.
I don't know how that happened, but I don't feel nervous because there is only a minute left before half time. I"m sure they won"t be able to score because they don"t have enough time to get close to the goal. Some CU soccer teams are also good on defense so they struggle with every intrusion.
Just like I expected, they didn"t get a point because their half time was over. They had 10 minutes to break and as they went to their respective areas, I could clearly see the tiredness and sadness in the eyes of the opponents. They finished half time without even getting a point so I can"t blame how they feel now.
As I look at the CU soccer team, I immediately see Ivan and Baki. They both smiled as they looked in my direction. Ivan"s arms were wrapped on Baki"s shoulder, but I didn"t even feel the slightest bit of jealousy. Maybe if Jas was in Ivan's position, I'm sure I'd feel jealous because even if they're just together I'm already feel it.
Maybe I"m selfish. I"m not sure if I"m really like that, but if someone were to tell me that I"m a selfish person, I wouldn"t be offended by that because that"s exactly how I know myself. I am aware that my feelings are not valid because they are friends, but I can do nothing to put it aside because that is really how my heart really feels. We cannot force something that is held in our heart no matter how much we avoid it and try not to feel it in someone.
They walk towards the rest of their group and what their expression was before, that is still their expression now. They were both smiling at me and I wondered why even Baki was smiling at me. She"s so weird and I haven"t had a chance to guess what"s on her mind.
I shifted my gaze to Aly as she spoke. She was also smiling as she looked at Ivan and Baki"s position and when she felt my gaze on her, she shifted her gaze to me. "It looks like Ivan and Baki liked the banner you made," she stated before looking again at Ivan and Baki's position. "Look at them, they were smiling at you," she added.
They reach the area of their group and it looks like Baki told her co-members to look in my direction. I was late when I realized what Baki said so they were smiling at me because of the banner I made.
I immediately put down the banner I am holding and I averted my gaze at them. I look at Aly and I feel, my face is so red. I felt embarrassed because the whole team actually saw what I did and that was because of Baki. If she hadn't said that, their team wouldn't have noticed that so I feel like she has an intension to do it.
She meant to show the whole team my banner because she knew my work would be laughed at. She meant that because she was glad that the time I should have given to Jas had been transferred to Ivan. She"s so mysterious, I can"t read her mind, but I feel she"s talking to me because she"s happy with my decision. She treat me differently from before; if I look at her then, I feel like she is always mad and she wants to strangle me because of her jealousy and fear that I will get Jas from her. So now that she knows the fact that Ivan and I are dating, her treatment of me has changed because she is the only one who dreams of liking Jas.
"Why do you look like that?" Aly asked me and I shook my head in response to her.
She knows the truth so I'm sure she understands how I feel. Right now, I just can"t really avoid not being jealous of Baki. I was always jealous of her, as if I am comparing everything about me to everything she did. She was always good in my eyes and I didn"t know when the end I couldn"t compare myself to her; I don"t know when I will appreciate my abilities and achievements.
I know I"m good too but all the things I can do, she can do as well so I feel my weak as a person. We went through different things, but I was quick to think that I was nothing compared to her. I shouldn"t have sought to like Jas because that was just a problem; I want everything to be erased and I am now under pressure because I can't really do what I want.
It's good that Baki has no problem. I know she like Jas and if she confesses, she won't hurt anyone. But when I did, not just one person would be hurt but a thousand people. I regret that I entered where I am now because what I thought would exacerbate the situation, but it was also the problem I was carrying and I no longer knew how to get through or if I would never be able to resolve it.
"You know what, El, I didn't really expect Jas and Baki arer friend so when Jas told me last night that they were friends, I was literally surprised," Aly stated. I couldn"t look at her as she said that term, but I listened. "You didn't tell me that thing so you can't blame me for why I'm shocked," she added. I look at her and she smiled. "I know your situation is difficult, El. Why don't you cut everything? You are always thinking of other people. Give yourself peace," she stated that make me gulped.
I thought I was a selfish person because that"s how I feel, but when I heard what Aly said I was devastated. That's why I haven't let go of my problem yet because I'm thinking about other people's opinions. For me, it is very difficult to handle a problem if you are against society or the people around you. I can"t afford to hear or receive their comments that will hurt my heart because that"s the thing that"s hard to erase from my mind. I can"t afford to ruin the image I have; I don't want to be recognized because I'm bad in people's eyes so I'm afraid to solve the problem I'm facing.
If I seek peace and give myself joy, I will not be able to do or feel that when anger and various criticisms are thrown at me and made to be heard by people. Let's say that Ivan understands me because he said that we will only try if we both work but those people who support him, don"t understand that so it is unlikely that I will get the pleasure and I want peace.
I asked a lot before smiling at Aly. I know she is saying this because she was worried with me. I know she also wants me to be happy because it feels hard to see your friend sad and struggling. If I was in her situation and she was in my situation, I would do what she did.
"It's too complicated if I do it now, Aly. Don"t worry, I can handle this, it will end too. Trust me," I stated.
"Of course I trust you. You"re my best friend and so I said that because I"m concerned. And don"t forget that I am here to support whatever you decide and I am ready to help. You"re smart and I know that you can overcome it," she response and we exchange our smiles.
We stared at the field as the host spoke that the last quarter of the game was about to begin. The players are positioned again and the opponent is the one controlling the ball. When the referee whistled, the player with control of the ball started to dribble and I can"t deny that they were now playing better. The CU soccer team was good on the defense of the ball, but they didn"t get it from the opponent. It looks like the other group already had the courage to fight because I can clearly see the change in how they play now.
Their supporters shouted loudly and it got even louder when the ball entered the goal. The team green stood in their respective seats as I could clearly see the anger on Baki's face. The game continued and perhaps to the annoyance that Baki felt that the opponent had scored, she immediately get the ball from the opponent.
The incident was reversed because team green was now silenced and supporters of the CU soccer team shouted because of the tricks done by Baki. I can"t explain how Baki was able to get past all the opponents because she wasn"t even able to pass the ball to her team mates and he alone controlled it until he let it into the goal.
All the supporters jumped and shouted at what Baki did and even the supporters of the other team were amazed. So I can't help but think of Jas as I see Baki playing well.
Maybe if he was all right he wouldn't let it go. Maybe he was here to support and cheer Baki loudly. Maybe he was so proud because Baki was so good at playing. Maybe when Baki's group wins, he will immediately run to hug Baki.