Chapter 38

I'm not sure why Jas hasn't shown up in over a month. I waited for him, anxious, but I refrained from contacting him since I had told myself that I would forget how I felt for him. I believe that fate has chosen not to allow me to see him, but it has caused me to think about him every day because I don't know if he is in good health. I don't see him even in my night classes; I tried to walk by their building but couldn't see even his shadow.
For the past month, what has he been up to? Isn't he supposed to come on campus whenever I have a night class so he won't see me? Why isn't he keen in seeing me? Our most recent meeting went well, and I don't remember him being irritated with me. I haven't been able to return his umbrella that I lent him because we last met when he stayed the night at my place. I'm not sure why, but his umbrella was constantly in my purse, and I couldn't bear leaving it at home.
There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't cross my mind. When I do things that remind me of him, such as eating ice cream at the mall, when it rains, or even when I see the sunlight first thing in the morning, he is the first person who comes to mind. It's exhausting to forget about the thing or person that my heart refuses to let go of, and I'm not sure how many months or years I'll have to wait. That's the truth; it's difficult to remember what we want to remember, and we forget what we shouldn't. Life is unfair, and we must accept everything in order to reach our aims.
I can't help but feel bad now that I know he went to the apartment while I was away. I'd like to see him, even if it's just for a second, and I'd like to know what he did a month later. I'm sure he has no doubts that the internet rumor about Ivan and I was real because it was verified that we actually dated. The students had been monitoring us from the day I agreed with Ivan, and there were several images of us on the internet.
Ivan also posted all of our places on his Facebook story, and he explained to his supporters that they should also give us privacy, so they have been silently supporting us since he said that. They are aware that we are not yet officially together, but I am sure that they believe the time will come. I'm sure they're thinking I have no reason to release and hurt Ivan because he's the perfect boyfriend in their views, and no woman would refuse him. Ivan is intelligent, extrovert, gentlemanly, and compassionate, but I'm not sure why I don't like him as much as I like Jas.
When I heard the door open, I looked in that way. I approached Aly right away as I noticed she was carrying a tray and had a helper with her who was also carrying a tray also. They placed the tray on the table, and her helper left the room.
"Come on, El, let's have a snack. I eat dinner around 9 p.m., so if we don't eat a snack now, we'll be hungry later," she explained.
I nodded and walked up to her in her small living room. I sat next to her and we shared brownies.
I asked, referring to the brownies, "Did you do it?" The brownies were great; they weren't overly sweet or bitter. It's also very soft to eat and combines well with orange juice.
"Does it taste good?" she asked, smiling. "What did you think of it? "
"So far, this is the finest brownies I've ever tasted," I responded with a nod. I could see the delight in her eyes as she heard what I said, so I decided to ask her. "How long have you been learning to cook? And why do you make homemade so much? "
I observed how engaged she was in answering my question as she adjusted her eyeglasses slightly.
"When I was in junior high school, I became interested in cooking and baking. Because I couldn't think of anything else to do at home, after seeing a video on YouTube, I considered copying it. "Practice makes perfect," she remarked, "and through time, I've discovered what the right flavor is for me." She continues to drink her orange juice. "In fact, I didn't anticipate you to appreciate it because I came up with the recipe myself; I didn't copy anything, and I also included some secret ingredients."
"Aly, your recipe is terrific. You're still a teenager, but you've progressed to the next level. You can still learn a lot and you should open your own shop because I'm confident they'll like your product," I said.
We were engulfed in silence as she didn't respond to what I said. I can sense her enthusiasm for it, but I can also see the grief in her eyes.
"What made you choose the STEM strand? In your hobby, FBS is more accurate," I said, breaking the quiet between us. I am delighted for her that she has a hobby. And, at the very least, she'll be occupied by the time she's free.
I'd want to have a hobby as well, but I'm not sure what would be appropriate for me. Other than studying, I'm not sure what I'm excellent at. I've tried a lot of different things in art, but I'm not sure where I can really shine. I can sing, play instruments such as the guitar, ukulele, violin, and piano, and paint, although I was first only intrigued. I lose interest in continuing once I've learnt what I want to acquire. I just felt enthusiasm and joy at first because I was faced with a challenge.
Aly took a deep breath and responded to my question.
"I like FBS, but I don't want to let my parents down."
"What exactly do you mean? " I asked, perplexed.
"They want me to study medicine. I'm not sure whether they know I love baking; either they don't as they haven't told me to stop, or they may know but have chosen to ignore me because I can't do anything to defy them," she stated.
I asked her, "Didn't you attempt to inform your parents?"
There's nothing wrong with taking a chance because everything has the potential to go correctly. It's far more regrettable when we don't try, so if I were in her shoes, I'd still say so I have no regrets.
"Why would I try if I know they won't let me?" she asked, tilting her head. " They'll only be mad at me if I don't do what they want, thus I'd better just do what they want."
"How did you figure it out? You know what, Aly, if you don't want to do it, you won't be happy with it," I stated.
"All I want is for my parents to be pleased of me, so I'll do what they want because there's nothing like the happiness that comes from them being proud of me."
I just give her a nod and don't say anything. I can't blame her if that's what she's after; I'm in the same boat. Aly and I both want for parental attention, which we hope to get one day. Hopefully, they will learn to appreciate us as well; hopefully, they will realize that we love them despite the fact that they are not perfect parents to us.
"You know what, El, let's not speak about this any longer," she replied, breaking the silence with a smile. I give her a nod while laughing at the same time. We proceeded to enjoy our snack, and when we were done, she walked away and returned with the tray to the kitchen.
When she returned, we immediately began looking for and discussing the research topic for our group. We gave it a lot of thinking and found a good topic on the internet, but the unique concept won out. We decided the topic "Squash Flavor Milk Tea: A Study," and we are the first researchers to show that squash may be a milk tea flavor that is known as a dish but is seldom consumed by people despite its vitamins.
We've already chosen our topic, but we've made backup plans in case the one we want isn't approved. It's now 9 p.m., and as she mentioned earlier, that's when she eats dinner. We walked down to the dining room and sat across from one other. Because of the abundance of food served, I had no idea what I was going to eat. When I looked at Aly, she had a big smile on her face and seemed to be planning a lot for me.
"Come on, El, let's eat. We have to eat everything," she chuckled.
"We're not dragons, so we can't eat it all," I said, "and you've cooked enough for 10 people."
"Because you've only just came, you should be given a lot of food, and you should prepare a lot of food for me when I come to your place."
"As I'm not as wealthy as you, don't anticipate delicious cuisine in my apartment. I can only prepare spam and eggs, so if you want something good, you'll have to bring your own meal because I can't afford it," I said as I pointed to the dishes on the table.
"Hey, El, don't take it too seriously. I'm joking," she said, laughing as well.
We began eating as their dining room was filled with laughter and stories. The dish was very delicious, and I made sure I had a taste of everything, so Aly and I headed to her room's veranda after we were done. I felt full since I couldn't say I didn't eat a lot because everything on the table was delicious.
Their house is high enough to overlook the city lights as well as their light-filled garden. We can breathe fresh air and feel the cold as it's already the coldest month of the year. The moon is half-full, yet the sky is clear, allowing the stars to shine brightly, and only one person came to mind at this time: Jas.
"You know what, El, I saw you were thinking too deeply," Aly said as we held the railings together. "You are free to tell me anything is on your mind. Don't fear to share your concern with me because I am open-minded about anything," she said.
I gaze at her, and she looks in my direction as well. Before I moved my gaze to the metropolis of light, I smiled at her. "Will you understand me if I don't tell you?" I asked.
Aly and I have been friends for a long time, but she is still unaware of the full extent of my Ivan and Jas story. She had no idea who Jas was in my life, and I'm not sure when I'd be brave enough to tell her everything.
"Of course, I understand, but I can't stop myself from overthinking. I understand if you don't want to tell me, but I'm think if I can be trusted."
I turned my gaze back to her and smiled at her. "I trust you, Aly. I just don"t know where to start. I also don"t have enough courage to tell you but don"t worry, I"ll tell when I"m ready."
She nodded and approached me. She hugged me and I hug her too. "I"m so thankful to have you, El," she said and I felt the succession shrugged by her shoulder.
"Are you crying, Aly?" I asked, worried.
We departed from the hug and she immediately wiped her tears with the back of our palms. She looked at me and smiled but I still couldn"t get over the feeling of concern.
"D-don"t worry. I-I"m okay, it"s a tears of joy," she said, chuckling while stuttering. "I'm crying because the research topic we chose is good and unique," she joked and I laughed as well.
We stay at her room veranda until midnight while we talk. We also watched shooting stars and laughter enveloped our surroundings because we were playing truth or dare. She was so happy to dare me to dance and when I danced in front of her, she almost lost oxygen in her body because of her laughter.