Chapter 82

While waiting for the doctor assigned to Jas to arrive, I'm feeling anxious outside his hospital room. His image kept resurfacing in my memory, and I couldn't help but recall what he looked like in my apartment earlier.
His allergies are worse now and because of my anxiety, I have no one to call but Doctor Bry. He immediately sent an ambulance and Jas had lost consciousness on my shoulder.
His body had a lot of rashes and everything was red. I wanted to cry and blame myself for what had happened to him, but nothing came out of my eyes that made my feelings worse. I want to talk to someone so that I can release the pain I am feeling, but I feel like I am alone again. I knew Aly was asleep so I didn't want to call her and I might disturb her.
"Everything will be fine too," I convinced myself. I know how strong he is and I am confident that he will overcome it. My only fear is that his recovery will take a long time because he has a severe allergy attack now.
I don"t know what to do. I can't forgive myself when something bad happens to him. This is the third time I have put his life in danger. I'm not sure why this happened to him, but I'm sure it has something to do with me.
Shouldn't I have just confessed it? If I had known this was going to happen, I would have chosen to keep my feelings hidden. It's pointless for me to confess to him if his life is in jeopardy. This is something I never expected to happen. I thought everything seemed to be to me. I expected to feel free and happy, yet the reverse has occurred.
My attention shifted to the hospital hallway when I heard someone running. She is still far away, but I already know who she is. I was devastated when she met my gaze and she stopped in front of me. She catches her breath, but she doesn"t take his sharp gaze away from me.
"What did you do again?" she asked. The tone of her questioning was a mad and somewhat vigorous reason for some people to look in our direction.
I step backward as I gulped. I averted my eyes from her because I could not meet the anger of her eyes. I lost the courage to face her because I was really to blame for why Jas was in this situation. She has a right to be mad with me so I seem to have lost the courage to face her as I used to.
I was unconscious when she grabbed my wrist and then she started walking so I could do nothing but follow her. "Where will we go?" I asked her. Her grip wasn"t tight so I could just withdraw my hand but I didn"t.
I did not receive a response from her, but I just let her take me to the place she wanted to go. We entered the elevator and we were the only two people inside. She still wouldn't let go of me and when I hesitated to withdraw my hand, the elevator opened so she started to step with me again.
I had no idea why she had to hold me. I also didn"t think she would be able to calm down at these times because I still remember then what she did to me before. I almost lost my breath when she strangled me because of the extreme anger she was feeling.
There was no one in the hallway we were walking in and only the sound of our steps served as noise. We entered through a doorway and I immediately inhaled the fresh air that I also needed to feel.
She let go of my hand and continued walking. I followed her and we came to a halt when we reached the rooftop's cemented handrails, which were high enough to reach my neck. I looked at her and didn't think she was looking at me, so I asked her.
"Why did you bring me here, Baki?" I asked. I was still worried and I wanted us to go back out of Jas"s room right away so I could find out what his condition was when the doctor came out.
"What have you done?" she directly asked. I swallowed and averted my gaze.
I don't know how to explain what happened because I'm not comfortable with her saying the confession I made of how I feel for Jas.
"What the fuck, you asshole!" I was startled when she shouted cause for me to step back. "Why don't you answer my question?" Suddenly her voice calmed as she mentioned that question and she stepped closer to me. He grabbed my shoulder and then pressed me against the concrete railings. "You confess your feelings for him?" she asked again and that question caused me to meet her gaze on me.
"How did you know?" I question and she just smirked.
"Because I was thinking. I am not like you who thinks nothing but your own will." She looked at me from head to toe and then she put his lip to my ear. She was still holding my shoulder and even though she was a woman, I could feel the force of her pressure on me on the cement.
What she said echoed in my ears, leading me to gulp once more. I didn't answer right away as what she stated was real. I know I am to blame, yet it appears like someone is whispering in my ear that I have done nothing wrong and am simply being truthful. My brain tells me that I merely expressed my feelings and that I have done nothing wrong to stand in this situation.
"I don"t understand anything. I don't know if I'm really to blame for what happened to Jas," I stated reason for her to smirk again. I didn't think about what she did next and I just tilted my head when I received her strong blow to my jaw.
I felt the warm liquid flow down my nose and when I wiped it with the back of my palm, I saw blood. I did nothing and turned my gaze back to Baki while my face had no expression.
Her punch did not hurt me, but it awoke my sleepy brain. I'm not sure why I told her I wasn't responsible for Jas. Even if I wasn't sure what the rationale was, I shouldn't have said it. I was with him at the time, therefore I'm to blame if anything went wrong.
Baki averted her eyes from me, but he could not hide her tears which she immediately wiped away with her palm. I also want to cry like her, I also want to release the pain I feel, but I don"t know where to find my tears.
I can see the brave and always calm woman I always envied crying now. I want to laugh, I want to rejoice because I see her struggling now, but how can I do that if the reason for her tears is the serious condition of the man I like?
She looked at me again but my expression did not change.
"Can't you imagine why that happened to him?" Se gently asked me but I didn"t respond to him. "What the fuck! You confessed and what do you think he will do?" She asked aloud and she touched the collar of my uniform.
"You're woefully ignorant!" Didn't you see this was his situation because he went through the anguish and suffering for you? For you, who have only harmed him! " Her tears dripped again, and she let grip of my collar and used the back of her palm to wipe her cheek.
"I thought you were smart? Why can't you use it now? Is he really important to you or do you just want to prove something?"
I smirked and asked her, "Why are you asking me that? Do you know me?" With three questions she asked, the fact that she was different from those I met came to my mind.
"Yes, I know you very well so you can't fool me! I know you better than you know yourself."