Chapter 74

He likes me and dancing with me is one of the things he wants to experience. It wouldn"t make me satisfied, but I wanted to give in to him before I cut into whatever we tried. I could bet my first dance even though it was important to me because I also wanted him to experience dancing with the first girl he liked.
I don"t know what the purpose was to stumble him in his first love; I don't know why it's destined to happen to us. We reach so far and I am thankful for the care and love he showed to me. I am not expecting that everything will be fine, but I will never forget him. He has a huge part in my life that I will carry in my whole life. I won"t ask for his forgiveness because I didn"t deserve it, but if he accepts my decision and he doesn"t plant hatred on me, I will avoid him until I have forgiven myself.
He came to a halt in front of me, his smile intact. I stared down at his hand as he handed it to me, then looked up to see his reaction. I didn't take his hand in mine; instead, I just stared at him for a moment, and it never occurred to me that he would hold my wrist although I had made no response.
He just hold my wrist, but he did not pull me to stand up. I could feel the coldness of his hand sticking to my skin and as I looked straight into his eyes, I just realized that there is something wrong with him that I can"t explain. He was smiling, but I could see something different in his eyes as if he wanted to shed tears.
"Ivan," I stated. I can see how he gulped twice as he averted his glance at me. He kept holding me, but he couldn"t look at me when he spoke.
"I won"t ask you to dance with me, El," he said, chuckling and I know that he just force himself. He turned his gaze to me and then he asked me while smiling. "Can you come with me?" he asked, still holding my wrist.
I gulped and I nodded slowly in response to him. "S-sure," I responded. I stood up and then gave him a miserly smile. "Where will we go?" I asked. Aly and Raf haven't come back yet and Aly might look for me if she can't find me when they come here.
Ivan looked behind me for a moment and then spoke as he looked back at me. "Are they the ones you care about?" he asked, pointing to the persons who just came. It was Aly and Raf and they immediately looked at Ivan's hand holding my wrist. I didn"t know why I felt something weird so I withdrew my hand and I slightly scratched the nape of my neck so Ivan wouldn"t notice what I did.
"Are you going to dance?" Aly asked. I was about to respond to her, but she continued what she was saying caused me not to continue giving my response. "Go ahead. Don't worry about me here, El. I will wait for you here," she added while the smile on her lips never faded.
"Are you sure?" I inquired, and she replied with a nod. "Aly, I'll be right back. We're just quick," I explained. "Also, we're not going to dance. We're just going somewhere," I clarified, pausing to look at Ivan, who smiled and nodded in accord with my statement.
"Sure," Aly responded. I bowed slightly to her before I turned to Ivan and then we started walking. He never touched my wrist again and we passed the part where very few people could see us until we reached the back of their house.
I have no idea what we are doing here and where we are going so I approach his position and I hold his wrist. He stopped walking and he looked at me without expression. He looked at my hand holding his wrist and when he returned his gaze to my face, a smile immediately flashed on his lips.
I did not remove my hand and then I asked him. The moon was the only light, but it was enough for us to see each other. "Ivan, where are we going?" I asked.
The music that was playing in their front yard where the party was held is no longer audible to me. Now there is a deafening silence all around us. I rolled my eyes, and it was only then that I noticed the beauty of the lights in the area. The metropolis of light could be seen from our vantage point, which instantly calmed me down.
"Can I take you there now that you've seen it?" he asked, gesturing to the bench. I nodded after shifting my sight to him. We began walking to the bench, and once we were seated, I simply let go of him.
We don"t talk and we just look at the lights coming from the buildings and houses in the lower town. I never thought there was something like this in the back of their house and I"m sure it was his favorite spot. In the few months I spent with Ivan, I learned things that would calm him down and that was the peaceful thing.
"I have only a few minutes and my birthday will be over El," he stated. I looked at him while he remained to stare at the view, so I withdrew my gaze.
"I haven't given my gift yet," I responded. I had earlier carried the paper bag that contained my gift and placed it on my thigh as we sat down.
Ivan looked at the paper bag and then asked. "What gift did you prepare for me?" I looked at him and gave him a wry smile before I took the paper bag and then handed it to him.
"Just open it later," I stated. I'm not sure if he'll like it because my gift to him is so simple.
He picked up the paper bag and shook it slightly as it came close to his ear. "What's in it?" he asked.
"Don't ask. You will also find out later," I stated.
"Why am I not allowed to open it now? Curiosity killing me, El," he said, looking at the gift I gave.
"I don"t know if you"ll like that. I don't want to see how you react when you see it," I said and looked at the city of light.
He passed a few seconds before he responded to what I said. "I will love it, El. I will appreciate all the gifts of the important people in my life," he responded and I could feel his stare at my side profile.
"My gift is not expensive. I also had a hard time with what I was going to give because you have everything." After I said those words, I looked at him and he was the one not looking at me.
"You can't buy what I want and I know you can't give it to me," he whispered.
"Are you saying something, Ivan?" I asked and he immediately look at me. He avoided looking at me with a shake of his head. I no longer compelled him to speak what he was whispering in the air, so I switched the topic while admiring the lovely scenery. The breeze is brisk, and it smacks my back with almost no cover. I couldn't help but tremble in the cold because my dress was extremely short. I'm not used to wearing this style of apparel, and it's also the first time I've worn it.
I gulped before I ask him. "Why did you invite me to come here?"
I could see in my perspective sight that he looked at me, but he also immediately withdrew it just like I did. "It's because I know you'll like it," he responded. He stood up so I look at him. He removed the coat he was wearing and placed it behind me.
"El, you're getting cold." As he slid his coat over my back, he remarked, "You might have a cold or cough, so use it." I swallowed and diverted my gaze from him. I'm not sure if now is the right time to call it quits on everything we've carried so far.