Chapter 79

He finally reached my seat and sat on the side of the bed as he placed the juice and pizza he had brought on my study table. He stares at me and I can"t help myself not to smile at him. I gave him an expression indicating that I was asking why he was staring at me because I was wondering. Maybe he was just worried about me until now and I have no idea how to convince him that I am totally fine. It doesn't seem to have any effect on him as he stare at me and that's the opposite of how I feel. He made my heartbeat abnormal, but I need to keep my calm posture so that he can"t notice the effect of his stare at me.
"Hey, why are you keeping staring at me?" I asked him and he immediately averted his sight at me. "Do you want to tell me something?" I feel that something is bothering him and I want to help figure out how to solve his problem if there is any.
He didn"t respond to me. He took the pizza he had placed on my study table and then he placed it across from me. "Have a snack. I'll be home at 6:00 p.m. but I'll just come back. Here I will sleep again, "he said, calmly.
"Are you still worried about me?" I asked and he looked at me. "I already told you that I"m totally fine. I will enter the campus tomorrow so we will be left here," I stated but it seems that he doesn"t have any care from what I said.
"I already made my decision, El. You can't stop me and no one can stop me," he responded and took a slice of pizza in the box.
I don"t know if I"m sure of how I feel that something has changed in him. I couldn"t explain why, but he made my heart warm because of the changes I notice. I haven't opened my cellphone since the party ended. I know nothing of what is currently happening and being talked about on social media and I don"t know when I will deal with it. I have not yet taken steps to clarify what happened to Ivan and me but I have not forgotten the plan I will make so that he does not pile up all the issues. I"m not sure when I"ll do that because I wouldn"t be able to do that if Jas was here in my apartment.
It's Monday tomorrow and even though I'm nervous about what might happen, I'll force myself to go inside. My studies should not be affected by anything because that is the most important thing why I am here in this place.
I also accompanied Jas to eat while we were enveloped in silence. I don"t know what to say because I"m innovating in his actions. We hadn"t seen each other for almost a week and I also wanted to know why he treated me so differently.
"Bry will come back to check your temperature so he will stay with you until I get back. Do you want to eat something? Or do you want me to buy something? Go ahead, tell it and I will buy it for you," he stated with a smile on his lips. I could not speak immediately and then I stared at him intently. "What with that face?" he asked, chuckling.
"Are you sure that you will stay with me tonight?" I asked, wondering. I can't understand him because he's not like that to me. He was hesitating to sleep with me before but now he wants to stay here.
I already told him that I am totally fine, but I think he has another reason to stay with me. I don"t want to assume, but I can"t help to think he likes me more than with friends. I want him to open up, but I don"t know how to start the conversation about those topics. I am scared to face the fact that I am just the only one who feels fluttered whenever we"re together; I am scared that he might leave me if I confessed.
Also, one of the scares to face is the fact that Baki likes him. He may know the issue about Baki yet and I am wondering what his response to that matter is. I knew he wasn't so numb that he didn't feel like he was what Baki was referring to in the interview. What if he was here because he wanted to tell me about them and Baki? Can I accept that? I am too young to feel this way, but I like him. This is not a joke and I am aware that I already know how I feel. I don"t want the sacrifice I made to come to naught so I"m willing to mediate their relationship if there is any because I know I have hope. I will go away and only stop if I have already stopped from him.
I waited for him to respond and my question but I received no response so I repeated my question. Has he changed his mind? Will he never come back here? I may look crazy, but I"m wishing that he will stay with me tonight. I"m just asking him because I just can"t believe it.
"Do I still have to answer that? I already told you. I will stay and my decision will not change. Why? Do not you like?" he asked making me gulp.
I shook my head in response and I smiled at him. "I"m just asking, Jas. Why? Am I not allowed to ask?" I asked, smiling.
He took a deep breath and stood up. "Would you like to watch a movie?" he asked, out of the blue.
"What? Why did you think that? I don't have a DVD and I don't have any downloaded movies," I stated. It seems romantic and I also want to experience it with him but I don't have copies or downloaded movies.
He smiled and took something from his pocket. "This is the answer to your problem," he said as he held the flash drive. "I came home to my apartment this morning and then I saw it on my table so I took it," he added as the smile on his lips was drawn.
I also couldn"t help but smile as I nodded at him. He held out his hand to me and I immediately accepted it. I let him go as I got up from the bed but he grabbed me by the wrist again before he started walking out of my room.
Maybe I should create a list that I can do with him to convey my love for him. I can't tell him so I'll just let him feel it.