Not Anymore

Lilian's POV

I angrily stormed out of Kaiden's chambers. I was boiling inside me as I seethed.

How dare he treat me like that? I walked quickly, my fists clenched so tightly by my sides that I thought that I was going to bleed, But I wanted to bleed so badly.

Matter of fact, I clenched my fists tighter.

I thought back about what Kaiden had told me, that arrogant piece of shit! His words still echoed in my mind. They were so sharp that I swore that I felt my heart bleeding from his words. The cuts were so deep.


What did he mean he didn't trust me?

I hated to feel the way I felt and it got me the more infuriated.

I hated him.

Since he was going to keep hating me, I was going to hate on him as well. He was not being nice to me and that was wrong in all shades.


I got to my chambers and I got into my room as I aggressively and without thinking slammed the door shut behind me.

I paced around my room aimlessly and angrily.

I was an Omega, that was quite a fact. But that didn't make it a compulsion that I would be the weakest of the pack.

I was far from weak. I knew my heart was stronger than most Alpha's and betas.

I just knew this. I was stronger than I appeared and I wondered why no one else saw me that way.

I wanted to scream, to yell at him, but I knew I couldn't. For one, he wouldn't even hear me no matter how I tried anyway and for two, I had no power here, no way to stand up to him without facing consequences.

This was after all his cabal. This was his pack and his territory.


For some reason I wished that the Moon goddess had bestowed upon me a super power to be able to snap anyone dead as I willed.


But I didn't want to harm him. I couldn't even. Not that I wouldn't be able to if given the powers, I just didn't want to see him get hurt no matter how shitty he was treating me.

Instead I would snap the neck of that bitchy friend of his, what was her name again?

Isabel.

My fingers tightened in my palm. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn't just let this go.

I couldn't let him treat me like trash. I couldn't let any of them treat me like I was trash.

"No," I muttered to myself as I continued to pace the small room. "I won't let him get away with this." I said to myself in a determined voice.


I stopped on my tracks and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked shitty but still I looked brave. I knew who I was and where I came from. I may have been a pack servant in the Blood moon pack but I wasn't about to be that person, not anymore.

I would no longer let them trample on me like I was a piece of unclean rag at their mercy and sometimes eventual disposal.


"I'll find a way to get back at him," I said quietly. "I'll make him see that he can't treat me like this." I told myself and nodded my head.


Just as I was about to continue my rant, I heard a knock on the door that made me almost jump out of my skin as it had startled me.

I turned to look at the door and could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I walked to the door and opened it to find a maid standing at the door.

She was one of Luna Caroline's attendants, I could recognize her face.

"The Luna wishes to speak with you," she said to me after she had bowed her head to greet me.


I nodded my head as I collected my thoughts and calmed my racing mind.


"Of course. Where is she?" I asked her.

"In the pack gardens," the maid replied.

"Please follow me." She said and I did.

I followed her through the winding hallways and out into the lush gardens of the pack house.

The pack gardens looked so different and nice.

The atmosphere was serene and calm.

The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers and I inhaled. It was far different from how I felt the way I was.

I continued to follow the maid and we both walked in silence until we reached a secluded area where Luna Caroline was waiting.


"Thank you," I said to the maid as she bowed and left.

"Lilian," Luna Caroline greeted me with a warm smile on her face.

Her eyes were sparkling and she looked at home with the flowers surrounding her.

"Thank you for coming." She said.

"Of course, Luna," I replied, bowing my head respectfully as I smiled politely at her.


"Please, sit," she said to me and gestured to a nearby bench. I sat down quietly as I waited apprehensively for what she was going to talk to me about.


"I wanted to speak with you about the preparations for the second actual mating ceremony," she began. You know what we did earlier was in a rush. She spoke so gently, it warmed my heart and made me feel loved.

"There are many things that need to be done, and I would like you to be actively involved." She said to me and I watched her.

I reluctantly nodded my head even though the thought of the ceremony made me dreadful.

"I understand, Luna. I will do my best." I said to her as I forced out a smile.

Luna Caroline's eyes softened as she looked at me.

"I know this must be difficult for you, Lilian." She said and I looked at her as my fake smile faltered. "Kaiden can be...stubborn.

But he has a good heart. He just needs time to come around." She told me.

I bit my lip, unsure of how to respond to that.

"I understand Luna Caroline." I said to her.

"But Kaiden.....He's been very...harsh," I said finally in a whisper.

Luna Caroline sighed heavily, she reached out to take my hand.


"I know, dear." She told me lovingly. " But you must understand, he's under a lot of pressure.

The responsibilities of being the Alpha are immense, and he's still learning how to handle it all at once.

And then came the idea of a mate. Kaiden never wanted a mate so all these are just too new to him." She explained to me.


"I just don't understand why he has to take it out on me," I admitted. I could feel a lump formed in my throat. I didn't want to cry.

I desperately didn't want to. But the way I was feeling inside. The way it made me feel inside of me. It felt like I was being dragged down by Kaiden's demons.

He was taking it all out on me and it made me sad.


"Because you're an easy target and men can be that way," she said gently to me.

"But also because he doesn't know how to deal with his own feelings. He seems to not want to trust or have anything to do with you but can't simply help himself and it makes him wary.

But that doesn't excuse his behavior." She said and I nodded, feeling a little better hearing her perspective, even though those reasons weren't valid enough for him to be harsh to me.


"What should I do?" I asked her. "I mean, I know he doesn't like me and stuff.

But should I always have to avoid him and pretend like we don't know each other for the rest of our lives?" I asked as I heard my voice break.


"Be patient with him," she advised. "And also you've got to show him that you are more than what he thinks.

You are strong, Lilian, even if he can't see it yet.

Prove to him and to yourself that you belong here." She advised me.

Her words gave me some sort of strength and determination. It was resolved.

"I will, Luna. I'll do my best." I said to her as I smiled at her.

"Promise?" She asked me and I nodded my head as I looked at her. She squeezed my hand in hers as she smiled warmly and motherly at me.

"That's all I ask. And remember, you are not alone." She said satisfied. " If you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me." She offered. I nodded my head, the smile on my lips had spreaded.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "That means a lot." I told her. For an orphan servant omega, getting love all of a sudden meant a whole lot to me.

The Luna stood up on her feet, that was my cue that the conversation had come to an end.

"Now, now," she said in a more cheerful voice. "Let's get started on those preparations. There's much to be done, and I have a feeling you will be a great help." She said to me.

I stood as well, I was feeling energized anew.

"I won't let you down, Luna." I told her in mock vow and she chuckled at that.

"Sure." She said to me.