Pain filled Agony

Lilian's POV

The flames from the pyres were barely a whisper now, a smoldering reminder of what had been.


I watched as Kaiden stood stoically, his profile sharp against the dying light.


Even from a distance, I could see the tension in his shoulders, the weight of grief and duty pressing down on him.


He held it all in, his face a mask of strength, but I knew the turmoil that lay beneath.


My heart ached for him. Losing one's parents was such an unimaginable pain, and Kaiden bore it so well that I admired him for it.


Being an orphan myself, I knew what he was going through, having lost my own parents myself. But he was doing so well.


I wasn't even as strong as he was when it was me.


I guess it was now growing on him, the ability to maintain self control even in the face of chaos.


Because having always been the one everyone looked to for guidance and strength, and now, as he conducted the cremation ceremony, he was the epitome of the alpha he was expected to be.


But behind those hardened eyes, I could see the young man hiding underneath lost in sorrow, who tried desperately to hold himself together.



As the pack members began to disperse, I felt some sort of helplessness for him as I watched him.


I wanted to go to him, to offer solace, to soothe him but I knew way too well the kind of person Kaiden was and I understood that my pity would only irritate him further.



He didn't want sympathy; he wanted to be strong, to fulfill his role and I was going to let him do that.


And so, I held it all back,and I respected the boundaries he had put up.


Instead of going to him, I quietly instructed the maids to ensure everything was taken care of. And that he was comfortable.



"Make sure Prince Kaiden has everything he needs tonight," I said to them. "Ensure that fresh linens are brought to his chambers, a warm meal, a hot bath, and some space.


He's been through enough already." I said and the maids nodded their heads with understanding.


They knew too well to be discreet and efficient, and they knew how to cater to the alpha's needs without being intrusive.


As they moved to carry out their duties, I let out a breath of relief of some sort.


At least I could do this much for him. And I didn't want him to notice it yet.


I stayed around for a moment longer, and I watched Kaiden from afar. His eyes, the way in which he looked around him, it felt like he was only a zombie of his former self.


I watched as his eyes were fixed on the fading embers, wondering what he was thinking.


It was a private moment of mourning, and I felt like an intruder, even from my distance.


With a heavy sigh, I turned on my heels and made my way back to my chambers, my heart was still so damned heavy with so many emotions all at once.


As I walked through the quiet hallways of the packhouse, the same that led to my bed chambers, I couldn't shake the image of Kaiden's face, the way he had stood so resolutely and quietly while he watched the flames as they consumed the last of his parents' remains.



It was just so pitiful. It indeed was a moment that would be etched in my mind forever—a moment where Kaiden was at his most vulnerable state.


I desperately wondered if he would ever recover.


Reaching my chambers, I gently shut the door behind me and leaned against it as I slouched to the floor and took a deep breath.


The room was quiet and quite dark as if it was way past evening.

I made my way to the window, and I looked out at the evening landscape which was only illuminated by the moonlight from the moon above and I just stared at the moon wondering why the moon goddess would want something like this to happen to such harmless souls like the alpha Authur and Luna Caroline.



The night remained calm and serene, as if the world itself was offering a moment of peace amidst the chaos.


It all made me think of my own family, they were long gone but never have been forgotten.


The pain of losing them was something I had already learned to live with now.


It was and had been my only companion throughout my life. But I never let the pain go, hell, it never truly went away on its own and I wondered if it ever would.


I knew that Kaiden would face the same journey, a lifelong path of having to endure the loss and finding ways to honor the memories of his parents because that would be his only solace.



As I stood there, lost in thought, I suddenly heard a knock on the door and it immediately pulled me back to the present. I unlocked the door to see that it was one of the maids, her expression seemed cautious as she entered the room.



"My lady," she said softly, using the title that still felt foreign to me. "The alpha has retired to his chambers.


He didn't ask for anything, but we left some food and drink in case he needed it.


She informed me and I smiled at her as I nodded my head.


"Thank you," I replied to her as she stood there. "You've done well." I commended her.


The maid hesitated for a moment, before she continued,
"He... he seemed very quiet." She observed and my heart lurched in my chest. "I think he might appreciate someone checking in on him, if you're willing." She told me and I wished that was possible.




If only he would let me.
I nodded my head as I understood the unspoken request.


"I'll see to it," I assured her. "But for now, let him have some space. It's been a long day." I told her.


She nodded her head and left, closing the door softly behind her. I walked back to the place where I was standing and remained by the window, contemplating on whether to go to Kaiden or respect his need for solitude.


I knew very well that this was something I would not need to be told to do but even though I was his mate, our relationship was simply still finding its footing, especially in moments like these.


And I knew that he would not appreciate my help whatsoever no matter how I tried.

So I was just going to let him be and allow my heart bleed from far away.