Distrust and Down spirits

Lilian's POV

I walked out of Kaiden's room worried about his whereabouts. Where was he? Had I driven him away? I thought as I searched the pack yard for him.


It was all to no avail and I kept thinking that somehow he was nowhere to be found because of me.


Maybe because I had been too uptight and so stubborn.


I continued to walk towards my chambers as I was lost in thought, thinking about where Kaiden was.


I got to my door and a thought came to me. What if? What if he was at the pack gardens? That usually used to be his spot.


I had my doubts that I would find him there but I still wanted to try. I walked to the pack gardens with hopes that I would find him. I needed to find him there.


When I got to the pack gardens, there was no sight of Kaiden anywhere there. I looked around me, hoping to see a silhouette of his shadow at a corner, probably lost in thoughts but still I found no one.


I walked towards the area where people usually sat.


I was just about to head out when I turned and saw him standing there and watching me. I was a little bit startled at that and I watched him wide eyed while he regarded me wordlessly.


I eyed him, wondering how long he had been standing there and watching me. I was about to speak when he stepped towards where I stood.


"Isn't it cold already?" He asked while I watched him. "You should be fast asleep in your chambers." He said to me and I let out a curt nod, forgetting that I was supposed to be mad at him.



"I came here to find you." I told him and his eyes met mine at that. "I came to speak with you. You weren't in your room and I was going to let it go, then I figured that I may find you here.


And so, here I am." I told him and he watched me.


"What is it about?" He asked me and I watched him pretend like he didn't know what I was talking about.


"Are you asking me this?" I asked him, letting out a small smile that didn't reach my eyes. Kaiden let out a sigh at my words.


"Ava..." he said in a resigned voice and I chose that it would be the perfect time to speak.


"Don't Lilian me Kaiden." I said to him, shifting my face into a frown. He looked away. "Tell me what is going on Kaiden." I probed again and he let out a sigh in frustration.


I could tell that I was being burdensome to him.


"Why don't you want to tell me?" I asked him and he was silent. "Is it because I....I am not her?" I asked and Kaiden turned to look at me. He knew who I was talking about.



"Is it because I am not the one you first loved?" I asked further. "I just had to waltz my way into your life and now, now you have to manage me.


I bet you're even tired and fed up with me already." I said to him and I saw the way he grinded his teeth as he flexed his jaw getting angry at me.


"That's not the.... fuck Lilian?" He said getting riled up.


"Then what is it Kaiden?" I asked him matching his energy. "Why can't you tell me what it is?" I asked him.


I knew I was being annoying by probing to know but I simply couldn't help it.


"It's nothing." He said finally and looked away.


"You mean," I said. "You mean to tell me that you went all the way to a far place and came back and have been behaving strangely all these while for nothing? You mean to say that you pulling away while we were having sex, while we were mating after God knows how long we've last been together with each other, you call that nothing?" I asked him and he swallowed.


"You shouldn't be bothered about me. " He said and that seemed to rile me up.


"Don't freaking tell me what I am to be bothered about and what not to." I said as I grinded through my teeth. "I am your mate and it is my responsibility to know about your whereabouts and what you have been to. " I said to him.



He watched me with hooded eyes.

"I deserve to know why my mate all of a sudden pulled away from me while we were in the middle of making love. " I said to him. "I want to know if it was because of me, if it was something I did...." My voice cracked as I spoke.



" It wasn't because of you," he said to me as I watched him take a step closer to me.


"It was me. I was the....I wasn't the....I was..." He trailed and I watched him in confusion. I could tell that he didn't know what to say. I could see that he was short of words.



He was quiet for quite a while. I watched him wordlessly, waiting for him to say what it was he was meaning to say but then it looked like he wasn't ready to speak.



"Well," I said to him as I turned away from him. "I guess you really have made up your mind on what it is that you want to do." I said to him with a smile on my lips.


"Lilian..." he was saying.
"Maybe it's just me..I guess I'm the overbearing and over demanding one. " I said in a resigned tone. "I'm really sorry I bothered to care.


And I promise you that I will not do that again. " I said to him and he watched me with a pained look on his face.


"I really ask for forgiveness if I had trespassed on my duty and the line that was supposed to be drawn between us as Luna and your mate." I said. "I will walk back to that line now. " I said and Kaiden watched me wordlessly.



I could tell that it was killing him to not say anything to me. I guess this was also supposed to be a part of the plan from that witch. I wished I could strangle her.

I didn't know what it was that she did but I knew it wasn't something good. Kaiden was making me think so through his actions.