Shitty bastard!

Kaiden’s pov cont'd.

There was a brief and short moment of silence as we stood there, not saying anything to each other for a while. The room seemed to shrink around us, the space between us was charged with so much electric tension.


I wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap that had formed between us, but I held myself back, I was uncertain of how she would respond to me.


Lilian broke the silence.
"It's just...sometimes, I feel so lost. Like I don't belong here." She said and I watched her. " And then you...you confuse me, Kaiden.


I don't know what to think or feel when I'm around you." She said and her words broke my heart.


Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, the raw honesty of them cutting through my defenses.

I took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words.


"I confuse myself too," I admitted to her.

She looked up at me, her eyes wide and filled with a mix of emotions—hope, fear, longing and then I saw hints of tears, unshed ones in those eyes.


"Then why do you push me away?, Why do you make me feel like I'm nothing?" She asked me in a cracked voice.

The pain in her voice was like a knife to my heart. I stepped closer and reached out to gently take her hands in mine.


"Because I'm afraid," I confessed, my voice barely steady. "Afraid of what it means, of what I feel.

You're not just anything to me, Lilian. You're...you're everything I can't have. And it terrifies me." I said to her and that was the truth.


Her eyes searched mine, her grip tightening on my hands.


"But why can't you have me?" she asked as her voice broke. "Why does it have to be this way?" She asked me.


I felt a lump rise in my throat, the words I'd been avoiding for so long finally coming to the surface.


The tears continued to well up in her eyes, and she pulled her hands free, wrapping her arms around herself.


"So, it's just because of who I am? Because I'm not...worthy?" She asked.


"No, Lilian," I said quickly, stepping forward and cupping her face in my hands.

Fuck. I was saying it all wrong. "It's not about worth.

You're more than worthy. You're strong, kind, beautiful...everything I could ever want.

But the pack, the traditions...they won't understand. They won't accept it." I said to her, Though my parents approve of you.

She closed her eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

"I don't care about traditions. I just want to be with you."

Her words broke to pieces, the last of my resolve.

I couldn't hold back any longer and so I grabbed her in my arms and tilted her face up and leaned in, capturing her lips with mine in a tender, desperate kiss.


She moaned into the kiss and I held her tightly. This was a kiss filled with all the unspoken words, the forbidden desires, the longing that had built up between us.


It was soft at first, tentative, as if we were both afraid to explore each other's body.

But then it deepened, and the emotions we'd kept at bay flooded through us.


Lilian responded so well, her arms were wrapped around my neck and she pulled me closer.

Her lips were soft and warm, tasting of salt from her tears and something sweet that was uniquely her.

My hands slid from her face to her waist, pulling her flush against me.

The world outside disappeared, leaving only the two of us in this moment, wrapped in each other's arms.


The kiss felt like it lasted an eternity and yet ended too soon.

We pulled apart, breathless, our foreheads resting against each other. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, and I could feel the rapid beat of her heart against my chest.


And then I did something that I was too good at doing.

As soon as I took my lips away from her, I turned my back from her and looked away.

The emotions were just too much to handle and I wasn't about to be the person to let out my feelings first.

I wasn't even that kind of person to begin with and I wasn't about to do that now.


"You may leave now." I told her. Still turned away from her.


"But..." She trailed. She was probably confused.
"Leave now." I said. "you've gotten what it is that you want so now leave." I commanded her and walked towards my bed.

I wasn't looking but I heard the moment she shut the door behind her.

.....................

Lilian's POV

Leaving Kaiden's chambers, my heart was heavy with a storm of too many emotions to handle.

Moments before, we had shared a kiss that felt really electric, and I had thought that things were beginning to turn up fine.

But just as quickly as the moment had been enjoyable and I had allowed it to envelope me, it had been shattered by his cold, dismissive words.


I heard him. His tone had been curt, almost angry, as he had told me to leave.


I wanted to look him in the face but he turned away.

I wanted to see if truly there was conflict in his eyes when he had told me those words, the battle between what he felt and what he thought was right.

But I had seen nothing and his words had stung more than a bee sting.

Even more than that of a scorpion.

I walked through the pack house, and I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier.

The corridors felt oppressive, they felt like they were slimming in around me.

I tried to focus on the chill of the stone floor beneath my feet, on the sounds of the pack house settling into the quiet of night, anything at the very least to keep my mind off the sharp ache in my chest and from replaying those words of his in my head over and over again.


Kaiden's rejection was a huge blow, even if it was one I should have seen coming.

Because of course, this was Kaiden. What was I freaking expecting?

Our lives were worlds apart, bound by rules and expectations I couldn't begin to understand.

But still, a part of me had hoped...
"How foolish," I muttered to myself and I brushed away a stray tear. "How foolish to think anything could come out of this." I said to myself as I walked away.


Lost in my thoughts, I almost didn't notice the person that stood in the shadowed corner of the hallway.

It was only when I passed by that a voice called out to me I knew I had heard that voice before from somewhere.


"Lilian?" I heard.
I stopped on my tracks and turned to face the speaker. My heart skipped a beat as recognition set in.

It was Eric. Eric was a spy and a good warrior from the Blood Moon pack. He stood there, his dark eyes fixed on me with an unreadable expression.

My heart quickened with so many uncountable beats per second, a mix of surprise and unease washing over me.

What the hell was he doing here?