Heart breaks

Lilian’s POV

The very moment I left Kaiden’s chambers, I walked straight to my chambers.

I could still feel the warmth of his lips against mine, the way his lips tasted on mine, the way I still felt the sensation on my lips, it was like a ghostly remembrance of what had just happened. And the way his hand had felt on my body.

I bit my lower lip as I felt my breath hitch up in my chest.


My heart was still a storm inside my chest, I could feel my heart beat pounding with a mixture of regret and longing.


Longing for him. I hurried down the lowly lit corridor, I could hear my footsteps as they echoed in the silent night as I tried to calm the storm that's raging within me.



The kiss… Gosh, the kiss. It was everything I had ever wanted and yet it was everything that I feared.


My lips still tingled from the feeling of it, my lips still trembled and my fingers itched from the desperation that had driven me to kiss him.



But as much as I had enjoyed every second of it, the way he had pulled away, the way he had looked at me with that somewhat mixture of confusion and self restraint, it was like a knife straight to my heart.



I was hurt to say the least.
I got to my chambers and I practically had to throw myself inside the room and I slammed the door shut behind me.


After that, I leaned against it, I shut my eyes close as I tried to catch my breath.


The room was so dark and cold that I felt a chill. It wasn't like Kaiden's room. Kaiden's room was warmer than here.


And it made me want to go back to his room.


So we would finish what we started.
“Why did I do that?” I whispered to myself, my voice trembled. “Why did I have to kiss him?” I mentally berated myself.



I just had to be the one to grab him for the kiss. But then, his....his lips were just there, Begging me to grab them. Begging me to suck on them and I just had to act on impulse while I damned the consequences.



I knew very well that I had been so stupid and reckless. I knew that Kaiden wasn’t ready for something like this, not after everything that had happened.



But in that moment, I had just wanted him so badly, I desperately wanted to feel something other than the fear and confusion that had been consuming me for days. I wanted him to feel something as well.



But now… now all I felt was regret. I regretted it all.

I regret initiating the damned kiss.
I pushed myself off of the door and began to pace restlessly around the room, my thoughts raced so fast.


I could still see the look on his face when he had pulled away from me, the way he had wiped his lips as if he was trying to erase the memory of our kiss.

And fuck, that had hurt. It had made my heart ache, and I had felt a lump rise in my throat.


“He didn’t want it,” I said to myself, my voice was barely above a whisper. “He didn’t want me.” I concluded.
Because that was the truth.


I shook my head as I tried to push the thought away, but it clung to me like a shadow. I had thrown myself at him, and he had rejected me.


How could I have been so stupid?
I sank down onto the edge of my bed and buried my face in my hands. I had never felt so embarrassed before, I had never felt so vulnerable.


I had been trying to explain myself to him, I tried to make him understand what I was going through, but instead, I had let my emotions get the better of me.


And now?... now I have probably ruined everything.


A soft knock at the door suddenly startled me, and my head immediately shot up. For a moment, I hoped that it was Kaiden. I desperately thought that he had come after me to say something, anything at all, that would make me feel less like a fool.

But when I opened the door, there was no one there.

Not even one person.

Just the empty corridor and the darkness beyond it.

I let out a sigh, I felt the hot tears as they welled up in my eyes. I honestly don't know what to do, I didn’t know how to fix this.


All I knew was that I had made a terrible mistake, and now I was paying the price.


“I’m sorry, Kaiden,” I whispered into the empty hallway. “I am so sorry.” I said.


But the silence was just what it was and there was no response. It was only the cold, the hard truth that I had crossed a line that could never be uncrossed.


I walked back to my bed and sat down atop it, my mind replayed the events of the evening over and over again.


The kiss, his reaction, my freaking foolishness. I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts, I was unable to find a perfect way out, this is not the first time though.



I just had to leave his chambers before he could say anything more that would make me feel worse than the way I was feeling already.



I couldn’t bear to hear him tell me it was a mistake, that he didn’t feel the same way.

That would be devastating to me. I couldn’t handle that kind of rejection.


I lay down on the bed, and curled up on my side as the tears finally spilled over. I had wanted so badly for him to want me the way I wanted him, to need me in the way that I needed him.

But now, all I felt was emptiness inside of me.