Uncalled feelings

KAIDEN'S POV

Returning back to the pack house, I felt a somewhat mix of anxiousness and something I could identify as relief.

The familiar surroundings of the pack made me feel sort of comfortable but the heaviness of my thoughts and emotions pressed so weightedly on me.

As I made my way to my study I was melted by the sight of Isabel lounging on one of the sofas in the common room. Her face lit up with a mischievous grin when she saw me.

I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous glint in her eyes.

"Kaiden!" She exclaimed my name as if she was waiting for me all the while. "Just the person I wanted to see," she called out and jumped to her feet.

I sighed inwardly.

"Hey, Isabel," I greeted her, trying to muster some enthusiasm. "What's up?" I asked her.

"I have some good news to share with you," she said, practically bouncing with excitement.

I raised an eyebrow. I was curious but I simply couldn't help being wary.

"Oh? And what might that be?" I asked her.

She pouted her mouth at my lack of enthusiasm but went on to speak.

"I'm going back!" She announced and I looked at her with a raised brow.

"Good for you," I replied in a flat tone. "I wish you a safe journey." I said and I meant those words even though they didn't seem like I did.

Isabel let out a dramatic eye roll at me.

"Is that all you have to say?" She asked me in a voice that was fastly getting annoyed. No “I'll miss you”, no “come back soon”?

You're so cold, Kaiden." She remarked.

"I'm sorry, Isabel," I said and forced out a smile. "Goodbye and safe travels." I told her.

My face was probably the face of a joker because my lips were looped up in a semi grin while my eyes were far from smiling.

I saw her cross her arms over her chest as she huffed.

"At least give me a hug and a kiss." She demanded and I looked at her. "You've been really selfish with your affection lately.

And yet, you'll go through whatever lengths to kiss that ugly and weak mate of yours without a second thought." She said and I knew she was still angry about last night.


But whatever for? Why was she upset?

And why did she keep calling Lilian bad names? Only I was capable of doing that?

Not her, not anyone we. Mother was right.
Her words lit up an anger inside me.

"Don't call Lilian names again, Isabel," I said, warning her in a voice that was low.

"She doesn't deserve to be constantly disrespected. " I told her and she scoffed and rolled her eyes again.


"Whatever." She said and then she looked at me closely as she squinted her eyes.

"Are you starting to like her or something?" She asked out of the blue.

I almost laughed at her indeed absurd question.

"No, Isabel," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "I'm not." I said in a clipped tone.

A satisfied smile spread across her face.

"Good. I was beginning to worry you might be losing your good taste in women." She said and I watched her for a beat.

This was just Isabel. Smart mouthed and sassy. She simply couldn't help it.

Despite the irritation that I felt, I managed to step forward and gave her a quick hug.


"Take care, Isabel," I said and stepped back and gave her a stern look. "And remember to take things easy over there." I told her.

She waved a hand dismissively at me.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't bother about that." She told me and with that, she turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I made my way to my study and shut the door behind me. The quiet of the room allowed me to think properly.

I sank into my chair and rubbed at my temples.

Somehow I had enjoyed standing up for Lilian even though no one else was there to see it. It felt good.


Then again, why did it bother me so much when Isabel insulted Lilian? And why did the thought of Lilian watching me earlier make my heart race?

I leaned back into my chair and stared at the ceiling as if it would provide some sort of answers to the questions in my heart.

The memory of our kiss came back to my mind again. Her lips on mine, the warmth of her body, the way she had looked at me afterward—heck, it all felt too real, to think that it was just for a show and I knew that she knew this.


I needed to get a grip. This was all just a game, and I knew this. I simply couldn't afford to let my feelings get in the way.

I had never done that before and I won't do it anytime soon. But even as I told myself that, I knew it wasn't that simple.

There was something about Lilian that drew me in, something I couldn't easily dismiss.

The door to my study creaked open slightly, and I tensed on my seat and looked at it, expecting another interruption...or maybe to see Lilian. But it was just a draft from the window. I sighed as I closed my eyes and tried to center myself.

It wouldn't have been Lilian anyway. She was always to herself and would never venture to come to my study room.

And I was to be blamed for that. I created that boundary and now we would both have nothing else to do than to abide by the rules I created.

I had so many responsibilities and duties which I owe the pack, and so I had to focus on them rather than have those thoughts about Lilian.

But the more I tried to push Lilian out of my mind, the more she seemed to invade my thoughts. And, fuck, that kiss, I instinctively touched my lips with my hand... It had felt so right, it had felt so perfect, even if I didn't want to admit it.

The hours passed in a blurry vision while I sat there, lost in my thoughts. Eventually, I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer.