After the Game

Kaiden's POV

The hunt had gone successfully. Thankfully, we were able to gather up the stag to take back to the pack.


I nodded at my beta, the practicalities of the moment had pulled me back to the present and away from my thoughts.


I made sure that we hoisted the stag between us, the weight was somewhat of a welcome distraction to me.

We all began to trek back to the pack house. But even as we moved through the forest, my mind was already wandering back to, ...Lilian. I kept thinking about the impossible situation I found myself in.



The hunt had given me a sort of temporary reprieve, but it still hadn’t changed anything. The conflict within me was still there, even now it was as strong as ever, and I knew that sooner or later, I would have to face it head-on.


Oh well, but not today.
Today, I was gonna focus on leading my pack, on fulfilling my duties as the Alpha of the Blue Moon pack. And the rest?… the rest would have to wait. I didn't know when that would end but they had no choice.



As we approached the clearing and we were almost at the pack where the pack house stood, the sounds of the pack members dutifully going about their day reached my ears.


The sight of the familiar buildings welcomed us first, my men and me, the bustling of pack members who were going on and preparing for the evening’s feast. It made me inhale deeply as I tried to wipe away what was left of the thoughts in my head.


But try as much as I could, even that could not completely silence the thoughts that haunted me in my head.


Jack’s words echoed in my mind as we entered the pack house. I could see my men struggling with the heavy stag. It was indeed a big one. It was no surprise that it seemed heavy for them. They were what? About seven of them were carrying the heavy game.


Well that was their own burdens, I had mine. I think mine was even more than theirs. I couldn’t keep avoiding this, I simply could no longer continue to run away from the truth. Lilian was more than just a means to an end, more than just a tool to strengthen our pack, she was more than just a weak, powerless werewolf. She was no longer seeming annoying to me.


She was becoming something much more dangerous to me, something I couldn’t afford to ignore, not anymore anyway. It made me wonder.


Should I give up? Do I leave her hanging while in my bid to figure my shit out?


I knew how much I had hurt her that night.
First off, that night was never supposed to happen in the first place. It wasn't supposed to have happened and I had been drunk.


Pft!
Who was I kidding? I knew very well everything that I was doing that night.

From fighting those fucking assholes back at the tavern to coming back drunk and more or less, taking advantage of my mate.


I clenched my fists at the thought.
Who would want to forgive me? I was a monster to her. Discarding her the next morning after what happened the previous night. As if she was some sort of concubine....or whatever language you may call it.


I shook my head as I tried to wipe the thoughts away from my head.


I was done for. And so it was high time I faced the realities of my actions.


But for now, I would push those thoughts aside, for now I said, I would focus on the tasks at hand. There was a feast to prepare, a pack to lead, and I would not allow myself to be distracted.



At the very least not today.
I was going to assist the members of my pack in ensuring that the festival being prepared for was going to be the best. At least to all of us.


After I ensured that my men had handed the stag over to the cooks. In a bid to avoid running into Lilian, I stayed back and watched them begin the preparations. This at least gave me some sort of a brief moment of calm.



The Blue Moon pack was strong, peaceful, united and I was their leader and so I was supposed to embody those qualities without questioning. That was all that mattered right now.



Deep down inside me, I knew that the calm wouldn’t last. The conflict within me was far from over, and sooner or later, I would have to face it.



But not today.
It seemed like my plan was working, because I had not seen Lilian and even though that was supposed to be a relief to me, it made me feel....uneasy. I kept wondering why she was nowhere in sight.


I would not exactly say I missed seeing her face. Shit, I did. But I wasn't going to admit that. Not to anyone.


Jack walked up to me.
I let out a sigh as he stood beside me.
"Is there a good reason why you haven't retired to your chambers yet?" He asked me and I turned to look at him.



"I think you're taking your privilege too far." I muttered.


"What privilege?" He asked nonchalantly and I knew that he knew exactly what I was talking about. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.


"I'm not asking for your help or anything so stay away from my life." I told him in a mock icy tone. He chuckled.


"I see." He said. "Is that your own way of telling me that you've been caught and would be too ashamed to say it with your own mouth?" He asked and I heard hints of a snicker in his tone.


"Go get something to do Jack." I said. This time, I was getting irritated for good.