Growing Rage

Lilian's POV

I had barely slept. My mind was still a whole cannon of thoughts, emotions, and regrets, all colliding and spiraling out of control.


Scratch what I said, it was a wreaking ball of all these emotions. The events of the previous night played on repeat in my head, each memory more vivid and confusing than the last.


I was angry and upset at the same time, unable to make sense of how everything had escalated so quickly.



It felt like one moment I was in Kaiden's arms, and the next...... The next, I was being unceremoniously dismissed from his chambers as if I meant nothing.


The sting of his cold words still burned me in my chest. I had thought we had moved past this— I thought we were long passed the cruel indifference he so often displayed, but clearly, I was wrong. Sad to say so.



Now, in the safety of my own chambers, I found myself staring blankly at the ceiling, the room was silent save for the sighs I was making.


I wrapped the blankets tighter around my body in an attempt to shield myself from the bitter cold that seemed to have settled deep within me.



My thoughts were a tangled mess, and I felt in that moment both anger and sorrow at the same time.



How had it all gone so wrong?


A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts, and my heart leaped in my chest. Who was it? I wondered. Could it be......? Was it....? For a brief, foolish moment, I thought it might be Kaiden.



Perhaps he had come to his senses, maybe he had realized how he’d hurt me, how callous his words had been. Maybe he wanted to apologize, to talk, to explain.



I wasn't sure of how I was going to respond to that if that was what he was going to say to me. I got up and approached the door with apprehension.



But as I walked to the door, my hope began to fade. When I opened it, it wasn’t Kaiden. Instead, it was one of the pack maids. Much to my dismay.



The pack maid stood there, her expression was neutral as she regarded me for a brief moment before speaking.



"Breakfast is served in the main hall, my lady." She informed me.


Disappointment crashed over me, sharp and painful. He wasn't here and neither was there an apology. I didn’t want to see anyone, least of all Kaiden.


The thought of sitting at that long table, with him so close yet so distant, was unbearable. I couldn’t face him—not after what happened, not after the way he had treated me. The mere thought of it made my stomach turn.



“No,” I said flatly, my voice came out harder than I intended but I didn't care.


The maid blinked at me, taken aback by my tone. I softened slightly, realizing she wasn’t the one I was angry at. “Bring it here,” I added, more gently this time. “I’ll have my breakfast in my chambers.” I said to her.



The maid nodded her head and left without a word, and I shut the door behind her with a force that shook the wood. I leaned against it and closed my eyes as I fought to regain my composure.



I felt like a fool. A desperate one—angry, hurt, and utterly lost. My heart wanted to believe that last night had meant something, that it wasn’t just a mistake fueled by alcohol and pent-up desires.

But Kaiden’s behavior this morning shattered that hope.

I paced the room, I could feel the frustration as it bubbled inside me, desperate to escape. How could he be so cold? How could he treat me like this after what we shared? The bond which I thought was growing between us now seemed more fragile than ever, as if it could shatter with a single word, a single gesture.


When the food finally arrived, I couldn’t bring myself to eat much. The maid had laid out a spread of fruits, bread, and a warm broth, but the sight of it only made me nauseous.


I picked at it half-heartedly before pushing it away realizing that I had lost my appetite.


All I wanted at that time was to be left alone, to hide away from the world and the chaos that swam in my heart.


I spent the rest of the day in my chambers, refusing to leave the place. I didn’t want to risk running into Kaiden, I did not even want to see the look in his eyes that would remind me of how stupid I had been.


Time passed slowly, the hours dragged by as I tried to distract myself with anything I could find—reading, tidying up, even staring out the window at the distant woods.


But nothing could keep my thoughts at bay for so long that time.


By midday, the self isolation was beginning to weigh on me. The silence that once felt like a refuge now felt suffocating, and my mind was filled with unanswered questions.


Why had Kaiden acted the way he did? Did he regret what happened between us? Or was it something more, something I couldn’t understand?


As the sun began to set, I was beginning to wonder what Kaiden was doing at the moment, wherever he was. Was he thinking about me at all? Or was he as indifferent as he seemed? The uncertainty gnawed at me and left me restless and anxious.



Another knock on the door broke the stillness, and I froze. My heart raced as I imagined Kaiden standing on the other side, finally ready to speak to me. But when I opened the door, it was only the maid, again, this time with a tray of dinner.
I let out a sigh.


“Thank you,” I said quietly and took the tray from her hands. She hesitated, as if she wanted to say something, but then thought better of it and left without a word.


I watched her go, feeling really disappointed and ashamed of myself.


What the hell was wrong with me? Was I thinking Kaiden would come back to explain himself?


I was indeed getting ahead of myself. For me to think that he would see me as someone other than a play thing to go to when he was drunk.

Just like Henrik.......
After the maid left, I returned to my bed and placed the untouched dinner on the side table.


I curled up under the covers as I tried to find some comfort in the familiar warmth.


But it was no use—my mind was too full of thoughts of Kaiden, of what we had done, of the way he had looked at me before sending me away.


I wished I could hate him, I honestly did. I wished that I could just let the anger take over and burn away the hurt. But it wasn’t that simple.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop caring. I couldn’t stop wanting to understand, to find some explanation for his actions that would make this all easier to bear.