Uncontrollable feelings now

Kaiden's POV

“You think I’m trying to keep you on a leash? Lilian, if I wanted that, I wouldn’t be standing here arguing with you. I’d be demanding answers, demanding obedience—but that’s not what I want.” I made it clear to her.



“Then what do you want?” she challenged me, her eyes locked onto mine, she too refused to back down.



For a moment, I couldn’t find the words. The truth was, I didn’t know what I wanted. Or maybe I did, but I was too afraid to admit it, even to myself.



The desire to protect her, to keep her close—it warred with the need to let her be free, to make her own choices. I simply couldn't contain the numerous thoughts that ran in my head.


One time I would want to hold her so close and the next, I would find myself getting distant from her.



But right now, this very moment all I could feel was the pull between us, the magnetic force that had been building for so long, threatening to explode.



That same primal urge dared I say need, from earlier then made me blurt out the words without thinking them through.



“I want you,” I finally said to her, the words fucking slipped out before I could even stop them. “I want you, Lilian, and I don’t know how to stop.” I said, finally voicing it out.



Her eyes widened in evident surprise, and for a moment, she looked as if she might say something, but then she shook her head, her expression hardened once more.



“You want me? Or you want to control me?” She asked all of a sudden and it tugged at my heart.



“Is that what you really think of me?” I asked, hurt was laced in my tone. “That all I care about is controlling you?” I asked her.



“What else am I supposed to think?” she replied, her voice trembled with emotion and then something else. “You say you want me, but all you do is push and pull, never letting me in, never letting me be who I am.” she said.




“Because I’m afraid,” I confessed, the words pouring out of me in a rush. “I’m afraid of losing you, Lilian. I’m afraid of what you mean to me.” I said.



I'm afraid of being betrayed because I really haven't figured you out yet, my subconscious added.


“Then stop being afraid,” she whispered, her voice had softened, the fight in her eyes had given way to something else—something vulnerable. “Stop trying to control everything, and just... let go.” she told me.



The moment hung between us, heavy and charged with unspoken feelings. I could see the conflict in her eyes, the way she wanted to believe me but couldn’t quite bring herself to trust it. And I understood, because I had let her down before.




What did they say about being bitten once...?


The energy between us continued to drag us together. It pulled us together, more and more. And then, as if some invisible force took over, I reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me.



The distance between us disappeared in an instant, and before I could think, before I could stop myself, I crushed my lips against hers. And that gave me the much needed relief that I craved so desperately. I wanted this and more with her.



The kiss was raw, primal, desperate—it was born out of all the frustration, the anger, the longing that had been building between us for so long. It was like a dam that had been broken, and all the emotions we had kept buried came rushing to the surface in a flood of heat and passion. I heard her whimper in my arms.





For a moment, she resisted, her hands pushed against my chest, but then she gave in, her body melted against mine as she kissed me back with equal fervor and moaned out.



It was as if all the walls we had built up between us crumbled in that instant and left nothing but the pure, unfiltered desire that we both had been avoiding for so long.




Her smooth and slender fingers tangled in my hair, she pulled me closer as the kiss deepened, our breaths mingling in the space between us. I could feel the rapid beat of her heart against my chest, mirroring the wild pounding of my own.


There was no room for hesitation, no time for second-guessing—only the very primal need to be closer, to lose ourselves in each other.



I broke the kiss only when the need for air became too great. But that didn't make me take my hands off of her, my forehead still rested against hers as I tried to catch my breath.



“Lilian,” I whispered her name like it was a plea.....or a question, a confession, I simply couldn't tell, I just felt the need to call her name.



She looked up at me, her eyes were wide and filled with the same confusion that I was sure was in mine, the same hunger that I felt.


“Kaiden...” she whispered back.
But before she could say anything more, I kissed her again, this time softer, slower—it was an apology, a promise, a thousand words left unspoken.



I could taste the salt of her tears on my lips, and I didn't even know when she had started crying. I could feel the way she trembled in my arms, and it broke something inside of me.



I wanted to apologize to her with my words, but that was going to have to wait.



She would not want that anyway. I could feel her trembling in my arms. I wanted to hug her closer. The way she whimpered in my arms made me want to protect her the more. Made me want to do more and those had to be less of my selfish and arrogant self attributes.


Holding her in my arms made me want to do things better for her.