185
Matt
My mother?
I sat up then. Before I could speak, the pain surged. It felt like it would crack my head open the second his hand lost contact with my head. I cried out, gripping my head. My vision went black for a moment. A second later, his hand returned to my head. Slowly, the warmth pulled me back from the edge of passing out. I was slumped back over the table, shuddering, twitching. Fear pulsed through me, but it felt distant.
“Here.”
I took the napkin he offered, but I wasn’t sure what for until I felt the warm trickle of something out of my nose. I dabbed at it and smelled the scent of blood. My gut lurched.
“Next time, I’m going to bind you in place… or let you pass out.”
My lips twitched. “Seems… cruel.”
“You attacked my sister and still haven’t apologized.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m… really not a violent person.”
Looking back, I couldn’t even say why I had attacked her. I had just been following Tony’s lead, I guess, swept up in it, but that wasn’t it either. I had felt… threatened, but I couldn’t say why.
Frustration gnawed at me as I tried to piece together the hazy fragments of memory. It was like grasping at the edges of a dream, the details slipping through my fingers no matter how hard I tried to hold on.
“She’s not offended, and she’s not hurt… she doesn’t hate you as much as she hates your brother, at least.”
“That’s… good to know.”
“Can you tell me how you got them to the hospital?”
I winced. The gut-wrenching image of the pack representatives, bleeding and injured, remained hauntingly vivid, yet the events that had led to me getting them to the hospital eluded me like shadows.
“I can’t... I can’t quite remember how I managed to get them to safety,” I said. “We just… We just got there.”
“Deep breath and steady heart.” He whispered. “Close your eyes and relax. I’ll help.”
“Why is this so important?”
“Because you don’t know what help would or should mean.”
I closed my eyes and clenched my fists, frustration gnawing at my gut.
“I should remember, though. I’m usually… so good about remembering things.”
Even when I didn’t want to.
“The mind naturally protects us by compartmentalizing the memories that are too overwhelming. It’s a defense mechanism, a way for us to cope.”
“Then, I shouldn’t remember the day Oren killed all of those people.”
“I said naturally… There are unnatural methods of fiddling with what you remember, what you recall, and what you don’t.”
I took a deep breath, his words resonating within me. I frowned.
“You make it sound like… you think someone has been messing with my head…”
“Close your eyes.”
I closed them. I took a deep breath.
“Think of the moment up until you got them into the car.”
How could I forget? They were bleeding, lying on the steps. Their eyes were wide with shock and horror. They knew they were going to die.
And then…
I could feel my heart racing, pounding in my head. I said something to Tony, something true and biting, and then I was outside with them.
I thought I had gotten the car first. I thought maybe there was a car out there waiting for them, but…
That wasn’t right. The warmth from his hand seemed to pour over my mind as I saw myself crouching beside one of them. I couldn’t remember his name, but I remembered the fear in his eyes. Slowly, I reached toward him. The fog over the memory began to lift. Light, soft, and white filled my hands. There was so much blood. It was thick in the air. The man’s insides twitched and started to fold into his body again.
He choked as the skin started to close. Then, the other two started to twitch. Their insides returned to their bodies. I grabbed their keys and hauled them into the back of the SUV, all stacked up together and speeding off.
I opened my eyes, staring into the distance. I felt the bind on my body keeping me in place.
“You remember.”
“I... I used magic.” I breathed, my voice barely audible as the realization settled in.
The horror, the fear, the shock of it all made my stomach churn.
“How…” I whispered. “H-How?”
“Deep breath—“
“Let me up.”
“You’ll pass out, and it will be excruciating,” he said. “You might end up in the hospital.”
I almost wished that I was as more of the memory started to clear, replaying like a video getting more and more detailed, the little gaps filling in, the easy movements of my hands, charming their insides back inside, healing the little nicks that would have killed them on the way.
“Just enough,” I whispered, starting to feel the memory as if it were actually mine. “I remembered thinking… just enough.”
Tears welled in my eyes as the memory came flooding back, the realization washing over me like a wave of relief and abject fear.
“What… How?” I asked, blinking, trying to clear the sight of that light from my eyes.
“We’ll get back to that after you’ve calmed down and your nose stops bleeding,” Dagon said. “Talk to me about Oren.”
I blinked, trying to push the memory aside, but then, it was like a well of other memories flashing through my mind.
I saw Gabriel, one of the dead pack members. His eyes were so frightened. He was trying to talk to me.
“I… saved his life.”
“What?”
“Gabriel,” I whispered. I felt the coolness of the night around me as I dragged his body out. “My head hurt so much… but I dragged his body out of the area. I…”
I’d healed him and left him out there.
“The grave… His grave is empty.”
I heard the scratch of something on paper.
“You’re saying you’ve used magic before. You’re remembering more.”
Then, I saw my mother’s face. The panic and horror of it.
Go, she’d told me as a peaceful smile took over her face. I love you more than anything.
My eyes filled with tears, burning.
“Easy,” Dagon said. “Retreat from that memory.”
“I can’t.”
A push of coolness wrapped around my mind. I felt a little dizzy. My thoughts were racing as I tried to relax in the cool detachment.
“Fuck, kid,” Dagon said. “You’re a mess.”
“I know.”
“No more coffee. It’ll make the migraine worse.”
“Okay.”
“What’s his plan for the White Moon Pack’s involvement in the Crescent Moon Festival.”
I shuddered. “Erratic.”
He chuckled.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips. “He’s becoming increasingly agitated, like a cornered animal. And now, with the news of the reformed White Moon Pack’s participation, he’s even more determined not to let them gain any sort of foothold.”
Dagon’s fingers started to massage my scalp. A soft rumble of contentment came from my chest. It felt like he was massaging every kink in my mind until my mind was putty.
“And what’s his plan? What does he intend to do about it?”
“He’s gathering his closest allies, I think. They’re going to meet to discuss a plan of action to figure out how to prevent the White Moon Pack from actually becoming established… He’s… got something against the Blood Moon Pack.”
Then, I thought about David.
“David… David’s father, but David knows something.”
Dagon chuckled. “David’s a smart kid, and he had a damn smart man to teach him… Still does.”
He took another deep breath. “What’s your take on all of this, Matt?”
“I’m torn. Part of me wants to understand his reasoning. Part of me knows he doesn’t have any, really. The rest of me just doesn’t want to die.”
“Don’t think of Oren as a madman with no intellect or just a barbarian. He’s neither. He’s ruthless and smarter than anyone thinks… He’s also got one hell of a backer.”
“What does that mean?”
“Not yet,” Dagon said. “I can’t tell you anything until I’m sure you won’t go blabbing.”
“I called you here for help—”
“And nearly killed yourself just telling me the little bit that you have. You’re sick.”
My jaw set. “Sick…”
The words didn’t sit right with me. They felt familiar but not heavy with meaning. Wasn’t there a book when I was a kid that mentioned someone being sick? My mom would read it to me, but I couldn’t exactly remember the words or the meaning.
“Easy. Not too much more thinking for now. Just relax. I’ll try to send you off less fucked up.”
“I thought your sister was the healer.”
He scoffed. “And I thought you were just a werewolf.”
My stomach jolted. “You… You know.”
“I do. Do you want to talk about it?”
I hesitated. “Is it going to get me killed?”
“By the time I’m done with your head? No… but you can’t just go back. You’ll have to make a decision to know or never know. There’s no middle ground.”
I swallowed, thinking of Tony. The thought of him becoming like Oren made me sick, so I closed my eyes.
“I want to know.”
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