89
Matt
I sat on the couch in my room, staring blankly at my phone. If I saw another legal document or heard another charge, I was going to scream. My wound had closed, but it still ached. My heart was beating steadily, but my head was a mess. The guilt and desperation I wanted to feel about Lucy wasn’t there. I kept thinking it was because we didn’t have a bond, but it felt like a lie the more I thought about it.
I had to face it. We had to face it. Lucy didn’t leave because she didn’t feel safe. She left because she didn’t want to be here because she wasn’t our mate.
I got to my feet, pacing back and forth. My thoughts were turning and turning. The weight of knowing that, feeling that, and being unable to tell Tony that felt like it was crushing me. We had been looking for Lucy and lying to the pack for too long, but we didn’t have a clue. The lawyers were here every day to talk about the case, but there still wasn’t any sense about where she could be.
How could she be gone and be okay? That had to mean that we were mates, but why had we been so sure?
Tony might not want to admit it, but I couldn’t stand it.
I couldn’t be in this house alone with these thoughts another day. I changed clothes, grabbed my keys and left, going to where I knew I could find some sort of relief and distraction from all of this.
I drove to my favorite club like a habit. The music pulsed loud and in time with the flashing lights as I handed my keys off to valet and walked inside.
I felt the heat and familiar feeling of the club wrap around me and push everything away. The thumping bass and vibrant lights of the club felt like home. I headed onto the dance floor, trying to lose myself in the music. I drank shot after shot, but it did nothing. Even werewolf alcohol tended to burn off quickly for me.
“Long time no see.”
I turned around at the familiar voice. Sarah’s eyes sparkled with mischief, drawing me in the way they always did. Memories flooded back of all the nights we’d spent together. She wasn’t human. I was sure of that, but she’d never told me what she was either. I let my gaze drag over her, feeling the pulsing need and desire return to me like always.
“Yes,” I said, feeling her presence like warm something in me.
“Care to dance?” She asked. “For old time’s sake?”
I smiled and nodded, following her onto the dancefloor. Tony was going to be furious, but I didn’t care. I needed this. As we danced, it felt like stepping into the past before Lucy. My hands slipped around her waist. My body heated and reacted to every roll of her hips and the smell of her perfume. It felt familiar and steady. We’d always had so much chemistry. She pressed closer to me and we rocked into a secluded corner of the club where no one could see us.
There was a moment when I though that I wouldn’t do this, but it was so short-lived as I pulled her close and kissed her.
“You remember…” she whispered against my lips. “That time in the VIP booth?”
I laughed. “How could I forget? Having you up against the glass like that… the way you begged me for more…”
She wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “What do you say to something similar at my new place?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “You moved.”
“Promotion. Penthouse suite… beautiful view over the city.”
It wasn’t a few moments later that I was leading her out and following her to her apartment. I climbed the familiar set of stairs. I kissed her. I touched her, and I enjoyed it. The sounds she made were honest and unrestrained. She clung to me in a way that Lucy never had. I didn’t have to tell her to ask for more, she just did. She wanted me, and when I realized that, all my reservations went away.
Sarah wanted me.
Lucy, our mate, never wanted us because she isn’t our mate.
It was around ten in the morning when I headed home from Sarah’s and I felt nothing. I expected to feel guilt or something, but I felt nothing other than the fading pleasure of the night. I felt more guilty about not feeling anything and knowing how Tony would react than anything else. Tony was going to be furious, and I didn’t care. This had gone on long enough, and it wasn’t helping anyone.
Where are you?
I’m headed home.
I parked and headed inside. If anyone noticed or could figure out where I had been, no one said anything. I headed upstairs to where I could feel Tony. He was in the library, pouring over the journals again. The sight of him made me feel guilty. His nose twitched and I could tell the moment he realized were I had been.
His eyes narrowed. “Who… Who is that?”
I swallowed. “Sarah.”
His eyes bulged. “Shut the door.”
I closed the door behind me. “Tony, I…”
“Don’t,” he hissed. “You have nothing to say. How could you?”
The truth hung in the air between us. I could feel his disbelief, but beneath that there was anger and a bit of betrayal. I straightened my shoulders and met his gaze. I let him feel exactly what I was feeling and he looked absolutely lost.
“What… What…” He swallowed. “Matt, I thought you were going to stop this. That you were finally going to…”
He let out a hard breath.
“I get it. That there’s a lot of stress, but you can’t just go out and do that. Think how she’ll feel when she comes back?”
“That’s the thing, Tony,” I said, slowly. “I don’t think she is coming back.”
“Matt—”
“I don’t think she plans to come back. I don’t think she cares to come back. I don’t even think she was taken. I think she left, and I think it’s time we both get to the point where we can accept that and move towards actually making things work out.”
Tony said nothing for a long moment. I didn’t expect him to, but the fury that washed through our bond was expected too. The tension felt like it would crush us as his expression turned from shock to fury.
“I was going to let it slide,” he said. His voice trembled. “We’re alphas. We have needs. I get it, but you’ve gone too far? How could you sleep with Sarah, of all people? You know how complicated your feelings for her are. It’s a betrayal to our mate.”
“She’s not our mate—"
“Matt, don’t---”
“Come off it, Tony!” I growled. “You have to realize it by now that she didn’t leave because she didn’t feel safe. She left because she wanted to leave.”
He growled and came around the desk. His eyes flashed. “Don’t make this about Lucy. This is about you being too weak to control your instincts after all of this.”
“Weak?” I growled. “You want to talk about weakness? Then, let’s talk about the ticking time bombs we are!”
“Matt—”
“Let's talk about our father, Tony. Remember how he lost his mind after our mother died? How he turned on our pack and killed so many of our own kind? How strong everyone knew him to be and how easily he lost it all when she was gone?” I shoved him back from me. “Our mating marks didn’t even set and you’re losing your shit because she’s been gone for a few weeks! We are the definition of weak.”
He bared his teeth.
“All this extra power is our weakness, Tony, and if we don’t get it under control… we’re going to end up like him or worse.”
“That’s not true.”
“How can we trust that? Look at you! You’ve grown an extra two inches and put on a solid twenty pounds of muscle and you’ve been injured, Tony.” I shook my head. “We’ve been ignoring it for so long. We’ve been playing a dangerous game and we both know it trying to fool everyone into think that we’re different. We both know that what happened with dad wasn’t just grief.”
I scoffed. “I don’t think it was grief at all.”
“What does that mean?”
I glared at him, tucking the surge of fear and horror that usually came when I remembered the night mom died.
“He was always angry, Tony. And the longer we stay angry the closer we get to that breaking point. He had mom by the time he was our age. We have no one. We have to get a handle on this now before it gets any worse and pining after Lucy isn’t going to help us!”
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