271
Matt
Fuck. I'd fucked up. Just thinking about the way Peter looked at me made me want to hide somewhere and die from the shame. The fucker had the nerve to actually look concerned after halfway interrogating me.
Even without that, he had definitely seen the blood running from my nose.
To make matters worse, Nurse Greenleaf was looking at me as if she was seconds away from hauling me into a bed and strapping me down.
Under another circumstance, I probably would have been game, but not like this.
She gave me a wad of gauze. "Your eye."
I blinked and winced as I felt something thick and wet in my eye. I pressed it to my eye and pulled it away. Everything in me seized, panicked, and went completely still. I couldn't breathe.
Blood. A lot of it, like something out of a human horror movie--me crying tears of blood.
I hadn't felt it.
Had Peter seen it?
Would he get in contact with Tony? With Oren? What the hell was I going to do?
Suddenly, something warm was cupping my face, and her eyes were as bright and blue as the sky looked up at me. The glow of it started to shift, turning to the same beautiful indigo as her hair.
Do you think I could become a healer?
I saw my mother's face, a sweet smile on her face. Her tone was too sweet, too fake--nervous. Fearful. Then, it smoothed out into a completely serene smile.
I love you more than anything...
"Deep breaths," Nurse Greenleaf whispered.
I blinked, I felt the tension draining out of me. I heard a song that was so old that it seemed to hum in my veins. I couldn't understand it. It definitely wasn't something related to werewolves or the White Moon Pack. It felt just foreign enough to know that, but not so foreign that I felt like I should fight it.
"There," she whispered warmly. "Now, I'm going to get you to a room and get you cleaned up before Dr. Mountainheart comes, alright?"
I nodded slowly, almost numb. She released me slowly and tugged me gently down the hallway toward a room at the end of a corridor. It looked just like the other room I had been seen in. She made me sit on the examination table before bustling around. She washed her hands, opened drawers, and then she was back to me, taking the gauze from my hand and wiping my face with a soft, warm, damp cloth.
"You look terrible."
"... your name."
She blinked. "What?"
"I never got your name. I don't think."
"Meet many half-elven nurses that I'm so forgettable?" She smiled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "You should tell your girlfriends to take better care of you."
I caught her wrist gently in my hand, meeting her gaze.
"Your name?"
She blinked at me before tilting her head. "Arwen Greenleaf... mostly."
"Mostly?"
"That's all you're getting," she said, tugging her hand away. "Lay back."
I reclined, listening to her move around. I don't know what she did, but I felt utterly relaxed, practically boneless.
"You've been stressing out even more and eating even less, it seems." She frowned down at the tablet in her hand. "You've lost more weight. More muscle."
"I ran into Peter," I said, my voice sounding so far away. "He saw me... He saw..."
"Focus on something that doesn't stress you out."
"Sex."
She snorted. "Protected sex, I hope."
"I lied," I whispered, blinking up at the ceiling. "I... I've never realized how much I've lied to Tony over the years, and it..."
She placed a hand on my shoulder and pressed a wad of gauze to my nose.
"You're spiraling. It's a symptom. Deep breaths."
I tried fighting for it, but it didn't work. Soon, the door opened.
"I thought you were still on restrictions?"
Arwen laughed. "I used a conduit, I promise. Preliminary scans are done."
I heard her talking to him and heard him entering the room, but I couldn't pay attention to what they were saying.
Peter's face flashed through my mind. A woman with dark hair seemed to be standing at my bedside, leaning over me with a covetous look in her eyes. I could feel her hand drifting over my forehead.
"Soon..." She smiled. "Soon enough. Then, everything will be perfect."
Her eyes glinted with moonlight, sharp and malicious. My stomach lurched, my heart raced. I was frozen under her gaze. She narrowed her eyes as she leaned over me, and then her eyes widened as our gazes met. I saw the recognition in her eyes.
"You can see me."
I held my breath, staring up at her, into her eyes. I didn't know what to say or what to think. Then her eyes narrowed, and I felt the pain start to increase. I heard a howl of pain from somewhere inside.
Then, I saw a vast darkness. The air was cold and screeching around me. The wind blew so hard that it swept me away.
"...att! Matt!"
I opened my eyes and looked up at Arwen. Her eyes were glowing again and filled with concern. "Focus on me, you understand?"
I nodded shakily. I could hear that woman's voice again, screaming at me from so far away. I heard Dr. Mountainheart's voice nearby.
"Mr. Ashgrave," he said slowly. "The scans show a very... aggressive progression of your state. Have you been following the plan I gave you?"
My heart pounded as I bit my lip. "I've been eating more."
"But not enough." Dr. Mountainheart sighed. "I can understand if you can't financially take that on. Black Moon—"
"I'm not a member of Black Moon."
He paused, frowning and looking at me. He looked at Arwen for a moment, and she set her job.
"He's from Blue Moon."
Dr. Mountainheart grimaced. "I can see… how that would make things more difficult."
I looked between them as they seemed to have a silent conversation. He nodded finally.
"Very well. The easiest option would be to keep you in the hospital."
I shook my head. "I can't."
He nodded. "Very well. Give me some time to talk with a social worker, and I'll be back. I'm sure there's something that can be done to help you."
I nodded, my throat tight. "Thank you."
The shame ate me alive as he left the room, leaving Arwen and me alone in the room.
Arwen eyed me like she was sympathetic but also frustrated. It did absolutely nothing to make her less attractive. As soon as the door closed behind Dr. Mountainheart, she slid on her rolling stool closer to the table.
Her voice, soft and understanding, filled the room. "I can glean a bit of the issue, but you have to know that a hospital stay is your best shot. So what is it that makes you say you can't?"
I looked up at the ceiling, pressing the gauze back to my nose. "It's complicated."
"Death isn't."
I winced. "Are you always like this?"
"My sweet bedside manner doesn't seem to be doing you any favors."
I sighed again. "Tony and I are twins… on paper."
She cocked an eyebrow.
"He doesn't know... about any of it."
"Yeah, I figured, but you can't tell me that he cares about you and hasn't noticed what's happening to you."
"He thinks I've… become an addict or something."
She snorted. "You'd rather be an addict than a—"
"I can't," I said stiffly. "Everything with the pack, Oren, and Quillan is… a lot, and I know that one more thing on his plate isn't what he needs."
He'd lose his shit trying to figure it all out and blunder his way through too much. For all of his smarts, he had so little common sense.
"I'm the… rational, emotionally level one. He's the doer if that makes sense."
She nodded, her expression a mix of compassion and understanding. "I get it. Family can be a tricky thing. But you shouldn't have to face this alone. We can make things more comfortable for you here, and you won't be a burden. We could tell him you're in for addiction treatment."
I snorted. "He'd be up here all the time, and we don't have time for that… Besides, with us trying to get out of the Blue Moon pack…"
"They could use it as grounds to give your old alpha conservatorship of you."
I nodded. "We have enough struggles on that front. Tony's trying to juggle work, parenting, and hoping that Ginevra makes it… I want to give him… at least this little bit of normalcy."
"You being an addict is normal?"
I smiled. "More in character with my usual recklessness."
She sighed. Her empathy and frustration were evident. After a moment of silence, she spoke softly.
"Look. I don't know much about werewolves and your pack dynamics, but I know family. You shouldn't shoulder all of this alone, Matt. And honestly, at this rate, Tony's going to end up shouldering everything, including your funeral."
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