Fear
After blinking my eyes a few times, I wake up.
As I lie still for a few minutes to get my bearings, I feel a beam of light on my face. I turn to the side where it is coming from. Then I see it.
It comes from outside through the thin curtains in my bedroom.
After taking some breaths, I throw my feet over the edge of the bed and walk to the window. As I slide the curtains aside, my heart skips a beat. Right in front of me, the Full Moon stares directly at me. It has a bright red border but is as white as snow. It feels like something personal between it and me, like it has a score to settle with me. With large worried eyes, I stare back at it, wondering what doom it foretells this time. Tomorrow is the mating ceremony, where Ralph will also mark me and then bind me to him forever. Does this moon challenge me because I can no longer avert my fate?
With a tug I close both curtains blocking the light from this bad omen. I turn my back to the window and bury my face desperately in my hands. "Jasper, where are you?" I whisper now in pure fear at the prospect of being bound to Ralph. A sob escapes from my throat; I seem to be going crazy from my inability to change my situation. My only remaining option is to refuse to perform the ceremony's rites. It may seem rude, but Ralph leaves me no other option. I wanted to discuss this whole mating thing with him, but he didn't give me any chance.
Life seems so hopeless now. The mating ceremony in a few hours that I want to escape, Jasper likely not showing up on time to save me, the Full Moon amusing itself on my account and the feeling of being trapped in the Palace.
My heart is weighed down by all this. And without thinking, I run out of my apartment.
I pass the elevator and take two flights of stairs at a time until I reach the first floor. I sprint to the front entrance of the Palace. Once there, I notice that it is firmly locked. The door is tall, made of hardwood, and also reinforced with a thick metal trellis on which there are all kinds of images. I grasp the framework and begin to shake it fiercely while the tears run down my cheeks. When I finally notice it is useless, I fall to the floor and roll myself into a ball in my miserable state.
Then I feel two small hands on my shoulders.
"Saray, control yourself. Everything will be all right, I tell you. I wish you could control yourself," I hear Elena whisper. She comes and sits next to me on the floor and puts an arm around my shoulders. "You're so strong, Saray. Come, let's go back to your bedroom, it's only midnight. We went to sleep early, that's why you woke up after just some hours of sleep". I take her hand in mine, stand on my feet and look at her through my hazy gaze. She smiles at me and I immediately feel much better. There is something enchanting about her small and wise face.
"I'm hungry. Let's check if there's anything else in the kitchen," Elena suggests. I nod and let her take me to the large kitchen behind the Palace. It strikes me that Elena knows her way around so easily, whereas I have been here for so many weeks and could actually get lost in the Palace in a wink. As I lower myself onto a chair, Elena dives into the refrigerator and pulls out some fruit and pastries. I also see two bowls of pasta that she is warming in the microwave. Ten minutes later, we headed to my apartment with a bag full of food.
Once inside, Elena walks to the balcony doors.
But before she can open them, I stop her. "No! I don't want the moon in my room. It always haunts me, and today it likes to taunt me with what awaits me tomorrow. It's really bad," I exclaim frantically. "Let's eat here, Elena. It is safer in the room." The girl turns and stares at me in surprise. "Did you say that the full moon is bad, Saray? How did you come up with that? I just read that to werewolves, the Full Moon is sacred and you even worship it. And now you think it wants to harm you?" I shake my head, she won't understand anyway if I explain. I have been feeling restless for a long time when the Full Moon arrives and it has brought me nothing but grief and unhappiness.
Elena walks to the doors again and peeks through the curtain.
"Come see for yourself, Saray. The moon has completely disappeared behind the clouds now". She slides the curtains up so I can just see a tip above some clouds. The light is dull now; it looks like the clouds are transparent. I breathe a sigh of relief but still doubt that the balcony is the right place. The girl notices my hesitation. "It's such a beautiful night tonight. The wind is blowing quietly and coolly. Let's enjoy it, Saray. Drive out your fear of the full moon, please. You will miss out a lot if you keep holding on to this agony".
Reluctantly, I give in and step onto the balcony. We each take a chair.
Elena unpacks the bag and sets everything we brought from the kitchen on the table. After a few suspicious glances in the direction of the disappearing moon, I finally relax and feast on the pasta. We sit there for another hour, enjoying the food before going to bed.
And I know that the next time I open my eyes, the most profound day of my life has arrived. ....
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