I Am Dead
Lupercalia or the Full Moon.
Both are the same to me. For me, there is no Full Moon without Lupercalia. I stare at it, my eyes blurry with fatigue and fear. "Ralph, where are you? Please, find me," I whisper now. The wind rages on, tossing the waves high and delivering me to their mercy. All I can do is stare at Lupercalia. I dare not beg her to spare my life, for years, she has only caused me grief and pain. Why would she choose to let me live today? My death suits her better, she would rather see me leave this world as soon as possible. I'm nothing worth, just human, worthless for the werewolf species. Perhaps it was she herself who orchestrated this disaster to get even with me. Making sure I disappear from this globe altogether, even my remains won't soil the earth.
As if harassing me, she occasionally slides behind a dark cloud making the sky a lurid image before my eyes. And then she hides almost completely, further obscuring the world around me. It is as if she is playing me mentally, driving me to the brink of insanity but still at the last moment, pulling me back and keeping me sane. To her, this is all a game, never minds that to me, it is a heartbreaking experience. But I am willing to get into a deal with her. If she wants to save Jasper from my clutches, I'm ready to let him go, never again chasing him. My mate is better off without me, I'm done with that.
But I want to keep Ralph. That man has enough love for both of us in this lifetime and accepts me as I am.
I close my eyes, unable to face my fate on this open sea.
With Lupercalia hovering over me, I don't expect to come out of this alive. She is out for my blood, perhaps I tortured or killed her in a previous life and she is out for revenge. She shows no business in getting in a deal with me, she wants me dead. I don't know how long I lay like this, I must have fallen asleep somehow, but when I open my eyes again, the sky is lit up. It is morning and I am still alive. "Moon Goddess, thank you for this extension. Lupercalia is targeting my life, but you are the only one who decides my fate," I whisper to myself. Cautiously, I sit up straight. As my eyes adjust to the sharp daylight, I look around. Water, sea, and floating debris are all I see. There is no solid ground anywhere, the water stretches to infinity.
Quickly I scanned the area again, hoping to see Ralph somewhere after all.
How can he have disappeared? We were on the same yacht. I remember there was a word of an approaching storm and then I fell asleep in Ralph's soft bed. The next I remember is waking up in a room with water. Panic threatens to overwhelm me but I quickly manage it. To my body, I am wearing a roomy sweater I borrowed from Ralph. Inspecting the lifeboat, I see some bottles attached to the edges. Drinking water. I will have to use that sparingly; it's not clear how long it will take Ralph or rescuers to find me. I take off the life jacket, place it over my face and lie back down. Although the sea is relatively calm now, I don't want to panic about my situation to the point of making stupid decisions.
I look up again; this time, the sky is clear blue.
A watery sun is to break through. I pray that it will not be too hot, causing me to get sunstroke. Because then I will have to dip into the water to stay cool. I know nothing about survival in the sea, but the few movies I've watched in which boat accidents occurred should benefit me now. Hopefully, the stunts were close to actual situations, and I won't end up in the stomach of some kind of shark. I fall asleep again for I don't know how long, but when I open my eyes this time, it is sunset. Again I sit up, but there is no change around me. Still I am looking at a wide expanse of water; there is not even another boat in sight.
I take one of the bottles and drink a sip of water.
I decide to lie down and eventually fall asleep again. There is nothing more I can do. But when I wake up, the same high waves are back. Night has fallen again, the waves are playing with my boat like it weighs nothing. But this time, these are more menacing, a few times trying to throw me out of the lifeboat. There is nothing I can hold onto. Now death seemed to be getting a face and was more real than ever before. When I look closer, I see some rocks sticking out of the water, I dare not hope that I have been driven close to land. Stiffly I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to calm my heart.
But then comes that one wave I feared all along.
I lie on my back and I see it hovering above me like a dark, evil grinning mask. It doesn't bode well. And then it hits me, I fly out of the boat and come down hard on the water's surface. It is as if my head lands on a hard concrete shell and is cracked. The impact causes my mouth to open wide, I cannot prevent water from entering my mouth. "Moon Goddess, help me!" I cry out as another wave picks up my helpless body and hurls it a long way. Desperately I reach around me, but there is nothing that can serve as any support for me.
At some distance, I see the parts of the lifeboat floating above the water.
I try to swim toward it, but another wave picks me up each time and takes me further away from it. My chances of surviving this are diminishing by the second. And when I see another high-water curtain coming my way, I'm sure my end has come. It drags me along a long way, I reach the top of the wave till I can oversee the dark sea. The ocean is fierce and merciless.
Like a rollercoaster, it pulls me down again to throw my body into the air. I land on a hard surface, but before I pass out, I see sand and green. ..
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