Chapter 138: Shelby
*But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. – Haruki Murakami*
Shelby sat in the office of the therapist that Neo contracted with for his guards. He had seen how it could fuck with a person’s mind when they had to shoot someone. Much less knowing that they had killed another human being.
Although she had insisted that she was fine, because she could not stand to see the guys looking at her like she was going to break, she knew better.
She felt like she was going to break.
The only reason she had not given in yet is because Nate was watching her. And he was watching because Zack was watching.
Not that Zack was in a better position. He had been there, and she saw the way that his PTSD had taken over for a brief moment. But then the training and muscle memory took control.
As Shelby stood there watching the puddle of blood grow just outside the warehouse, that was now on fire thanks to the same asshole bleeding everywhere, Zack grabbed the first aid kit out of his work vehicle. Ghost and Joker were going crazy in the kennel at the back of the property, but he left them there.
Sitting on the couch next to her in the pristine office with calming blue walls and serene landscape pictures, Zack took her hand in his.
“You’ll be okay.” He whispered. He had said the same words to Henry Fargo as he lay dying in the parking lot. Both men knew it was a lie. But it offered comfort to them both.
A siren sounded off in the distance and Shelby jumped, tears flooding her eyes. The sound had haunted her all weekend. The cop shows that they usually watched went on without them. The world continued to spin as she hid in her house with her son and boyfriend.
Sunday Jolene and Neo had come over. The two men cooked burgers out on the grill while Nate ran around with the two dogs. Shelby and Jolene hung out inside and put together sides. When Shelby had a moment of weakness and gave into the tears, Jolene had pulled her close and hugged her.
“You know the most important thing that I learned from Bunny and Olivia?” She had quietly asked Shelby who simply shook her head no.
Jolene smoothed down the other woman’s hair and rested her cheek against the head on her shoulder.
“It’s okay to not be okay.”
Shelby nodded at the advice but did not acknowledge it. It was more than what she wanted to admit. She did not want to admit that she was not okay. Even if that was okay.
The door to the office opened and the white-haired gentleman walked inside with an apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry for the wait. Sometimes things are out of our control.”
Shelby felt like he was trying to make a point to her. Let her know that it was not her fault. But it was. She had pulled the trigger. She had released the bullet. She had killed a man.
The man now sitting across from them had them go through the events. It played out in Shelby’s mind as they described it. With encouragement from Zack, she was the one to tell it. He would add something here and there. But he wanted her to tell her story.
She knew that he had been to an earlier session and had probably discussed it with Neo. She had not. She tried to forget that it happened. And refused to leave the house. Zack took Nate to school and then forced her to leave her sanctuary for this.
They had been in the gun range when the alarm alerted them to someone being on the property. Zack and she had both assumed that it was one of the other guards and had simply come out of the range to look around. The half-loaded gun was still in her hands, since Zack said that it was a good training opportunity.
“Keep both hands on the weapon at all times.” He had instructed. “It’s not like the TV shows, you’re not going to carry it barrel up. Safety on, until you know there’s a threat. Finger on the safety switch, not on the trigger. Arms relaxed and gun aimed at the ground about two feet in front of you.”
She had nodded and did as he said as they walked out. Not thinking that there would be a threat, Zack had not gotten his gun. It was left on the shelf with the loaded clip lying next to it. Since she was armed, he had her walk out on point.
“You’re not going to go all alpha male on me and tell me to stay behind you?” she had teased as they walked through the hallway to the training facility.
“Hell no.” He chuckled. “You got a loaded weapon. You can go all alpha female and protect my bitch ass.”
They had been laughing about this as they came around the corner and entered the large room that was filling with smoke.
“What the hell?” Shelby declared as Zack muttered a similar “What the fuck?”
He pulled her down to a crouch. “Smoke rises, stay as low as you can and head for the back entrance.”
Turning, she saw the office portion of the warehouse fully engulfed in flames. “My things!”
“Any of those things worth losing your life over?” Zack demanded as he forced her to start moving.
“All my pictures of Nate.” She argued, thinking of all the photos on her computer and phone.
“Cloud backup.” He reminded her.
“My purse!”
“I’ll buy you a new one.” He growled as they neared the door. “I’ll even get you one with a goofy duck on it.”
“The goofy duck?” she asked as they forced the door open.
“Boonies and Dork or whatever.” He said as the door finally gave way, and they stepped out into the spring sunshine.
Laughing, Shelby stepped away from the building. “Dooney and Bourke.”
“Whatever.” Zack grinned.
“Where the fuck is she?” a man demanded, and they turned towards his voice.
Henry Fargo stood there with a gun aimed at them. it was wavering wildly between the pair before he aimed it towards the back parking lot that was mainly empty. He shot at a trashcan and missed by a large distance.
“Who?” Shelby asked, even though she thought that she knew who he was talking about.
“Jolene.” Henry spat out. “That fucking bitch has caused me too much damned trouble and I’m going to solve two problems with her.”
“What problems?” Zack asked as he made a subtle movement with his hand and activated his button camera. He knew better than to think that this would be like in the movies or TV shows where the villain would spew out their manifesto. But he could hope.
“Fuck you!” Henry replied as he aimed the gun as Shelby. “Tell me where the hell the bitch is before I kill your slut!”
Still, it seemed like it happened in slow motion. Shelby felt her finger push the safety switch and then move to the trigger. She brought the gun up with her arms out straight, keeping her elbows straight and preparing for the recoil. Just as she had been taught, she kept both eyes open and lined the sights up on the largest part of the man’s body.
Five pounds of pressure on the trigger and it fired.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
And then Henry Fargo lay on the ground bleeding.
She looked to Zack to see if she had done it right and saw the look of fear and shock on his face. The shock cleared and he was running for the SUV and then the man on the ground.
“And what were you thinking at this point?” Dr. What’s his name asked, bringing Shelby back to the present in the blue office.
She looked away, not sure if it was out of shame or something else. “That I needed to get a new power washer for the parking lot.” She said softly. “The other one was on fire.”
A giant sob shook her whole body, and she buried her face in her hands. “I just killed a man and I’m worried about cleaning up the blood! What kind of a sick bastard am I?”
“The normal kind.” The doctor gently assured her. “The kind that is still trying to do her job, take care of those around her and make sure that there is not a mess.”
Zack pulled her into his side.
“It’s all normal.” The doctor assured her. “So is the guilt that you now associate with those thoughts. Let’s make a plan to meet at least one other time this week, and a few times for the next several weeks and we’ll see where you are in about a month.”
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