Chapter 111

KATE

Lisa was sitting to my right, and Brad and Matt to my left. They were incredibly cheerful. I should be too, but knowing that Ryan was here today stirred up an unusual feeling in me. I couldn't feel anger anymore, didn't know if I really believed in it or if I still cared. But when I saw him arrive and sit with the other guests on stage, my heart raced. And when he looked in my direction, I had to look away. But I could still feel his gaze on me, and I loved that somehow.

We listened to Mr. Spencer's speech and all the other guests, and when Nathan walked to the center of the stage, I heard whispers behind me. Some girls giggled, making me think, he's all mine. But my conscience screamed: No, he's not, you idiot! Thanks to yourself! I tried to convince myself that I was better now and that I would never let a man make a fool of me again.

Lisa squeezed my knee with a tender look.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course!" I smiled.

When it was time to receive the diploma, I applauded enthusiastically as I heard the names of my friends being called. Everyone seemed so happy during the walk to the stage. Then my eyes met Nathan's several times at the end of that walk. That meant I had to prepare myself to face him.

I felt proud of myself when they called my name. Being a graduating student with honors was rewarding after so much effort; recognition was one of the best rewards, in my opinion.

I took a deep breath and started walking, hearing cheers and applause. As I approached Mr. Spencer, my heart was already pounding.

"Congratulations, Miss Collins, we are proud to have you as a student at Columbia. Great job!" He said, shaking my hand. I thanked him.

When I released his hand, I took a deep breath, walking toward him. My eyes met his, and my stomach churned. After handing me the diploma, he extended his hand. I squeezed and heard a congratulation, which sounded quite sincere. I thanked him and rushed away from there with my heart pounding, trying to escape all the feelings that came back with his touch and the pain in my chest that I thought I had overcome.

After returning to applaud the last graduates, Lisa grabbed my arm when the ceremony ended. All the attendees were directed to the campus hall, where a formal celebration would take place.

"Are you okay?" Lisa wanted to know.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Two words: Asshole Ryan!"

"That's in the past, Lisa."

"You can tell that to anyone you want and try to pretend, but have you forgotten who I am?"

"What do you want me to do? You know he'll always get to me, but I'm moving on."

"As long as he only messes with your thoughts, that's fine. Did you invite John?"

"No. Why would I?"

"I thought something was going on between you two."

"No, we went out a month ago, and that's it."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want him to think I want a commitment."

"And why don't you?"

"So many questions! God! Come on, let's get a drink." I drag her to a table with drinks.

"Look who's here..." She whispered in my ear. I turned to see Michael approaching with a smile. "You still haven't told me if he's good in bed." She said, making my eyes widen.

"For God's sake, I didn't sleep with him," I whispered.

"How come? Then why did you go to his house?"

"It doesn't matter, but we didn't sleep together."

"His smile says otherwise.

"Shhh."

"Hello, girls!" What is he doing here?

"Hello, Grey! You look great!" Lisa said, mocking me without even trying to hide it.

"Dickens, congratulations on your graduation."

"Thank you! Now I'll leave you alone." She winks at me before leaving with a smile.

"She'll never change," Michael said.

"No. The worst part is that she thinks she's being discreet." I say, making him laugh.

"Can I congratulate you?"

"Of course." He hugs me.

"You're amazing, this is just the beginning of something brilliant, Collins, I'm sure of it."

"Thank you so much."

Going to his house was a big mistake. Two months ago, I was having a terrible day, and after a stressful day at work, sex was the only thing I could think of to relieve the tension. So I sent him a message asking if he felt like watching a movie and went to his house.

I had never been so forward before. But the big problem was that sleeping with Michael Grey would never solve my problem, which was more of a "desire for sex with the jerk Ryan." After watching half of the movie, we got into action, and as good-looking as Michael is, and as much as I had felt something for him before, it didn't help me at all.

Nothing happened beyond a few kisses, some making out, and some good oral sex from his side before I froze and gave up. I felt awful for doing that to him, or rather, for not doing it. I think he couldn't get over it and still thought something would happen.

"Good evening! Excuse me?" The familiar voice snapped me out of my reverie, sending shivers down my spine. Shit. It's him. What does he want?

"Good evening! Aren't you Kate's ex-boss?" Michael asks but is successfully ignored. Nathan keeps staring at me, then asks if he can talk to me. Michael says goodbye, noticing the awkward situation.

"Are you going to talk to me?" He insists. I hadn't noticed before how different he looked from the last time I saw him.

For a moment, the anger I felt when I found out about that damn encounter took over me.

"I have nothing to say. Do you have anything to say that you think I really want to hear, Mr. Ryan?"

"I just want you to listen."

His beard and hair were longer, making him look older and different. It made me uneasy.

"Not now." Shit. I wanted to touch him. I had to find a way to escape.

"When?"

I shouldn't even talk to him.

"Maybe after I have fun with my friends. When I'm leaving."

I hoped he would give up waiting.

"Great." He said before I left, escaping, heading towards where my colleagues were. Shit. Get back to reality, Kate.

Everyone was overjoyed, especially Sarah, beautiful, already a few months pregnant. I couldn't picture myself with a belly like that. The image of a little Ryan flashed through my mind, making my eyes widen. God!

Lisa handed me a glass of wine.

"Are you okay?" She looked at me, concerned.

"How many times are you going to ask me that?"

"As many as necessary."

"I'm fine!"

"What did he want? And why is he still here?"

"He wants to talk to me."

"And you said no, right?"

"I think I said... not now."

"Kate!"

"What? He'll eventually leave, don't worry."

"Don't let him hurt you again. Otherwise, I'll have to cut his..."

"Okay! Enough of this topic!"




He was still there after an eternity, and I was already tired of all the conversation, not knowing how many glasses of wine I had drunk. He wouldn't give up; it wasn't his style. People were planning to continue the celebration somewhere else, and I wasn't interested in going. I could only think of one thing... how much I wanted... shit, I wanted it so badly.

I distanced myself from everyone and headed toward him. He was pouring himself a drink.

"You're still here?" I said, and he turned to face me.

"You said when you were leaving. The truth is, I thought it would take longer."

I knew he wouldn't give up, even if he stayed here for another five hours.

"Yeah, everyone is going to celebrate somewhere else."

"And you're not?"

"In my bed, with my sheet."

Suddenly he fell silent, staring at me. I didn't intend to provoke him, but it seemed like I did. I had to contain a smile. I was about to do something I wasn't sure of.

"Do you happen to have a pen?" I asked.

"Yes, why?"

"Can you lend it to me?" He seemed confused but took out a pen from his inner suit pocket.

I looked for a napkin on the table and wrote down my new address before handing it to him. He examined it with bewilderment, still not understanding. I didn't even know what I was doing. Then he finally asked what it was for.

"You want to talk, and I'm tired. I'm leaving."

"Do you mind if I come to your house?" he asked, surprised. He was right, it was very strange, but I didn't want to talk to him here or anywhere else.

"Yes, I mind."

"So?"

Why is he asking so many questions? Damn. I could hardly think straight.

"I want to get rid of you. I'll listen to you, and you'll stop asking questions, okay?" He nodded. I turned around and headed for the exit.

"Are you going to drive like this?" he asked, making me stop, apparently concerned. I had forgotten how he acted like my father.

"I'm fine." I couldn't help but smile before rolling my eyes and continuing to walk.