Chapter 133

KATE

On the way to my apartment, I tried not to dwell on the confusion I was feeling and ended up growing a bit concerned about him. How could our relationship be so unstable? Just hours ago, I had told him I loved him, and now I was rethinking how harmful this relationship could be.

When I got out of the car, it was starting to rain. I went inside, throwing my bag on the couch, and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass before heading to my room. Where I took off my shoes and everything else.

A bath and a bit of wine, that way I could organize my thoughts. I turned on the hot water to fill the bathtub.
I was feeling a discomfort, like a tightness in my chest. I felt bad for leaving him alone with his own thoughts now. Maybe I could even understand him a little more, after what Stephan had told me. But it didn't change the fact that I felt used in a certain way. But it had been so long, as Stephan said. Yet all the signs he was showing of this dark side of himself worried me. Damn, I was going to go crazy with my own thoughts.

I got into the bathtub, and the water gradually helped me relax.

He wasn't guilty, he wasn't guilty of anything, of that I was sure. No one wishes or deserves to go through something like that so soon. He was just a little boy.

His obsession with control, his aggressive sexual desire, were all remnants of a certain disorder?

It didn't matter. I would probably let him use me to help him confront his demons if necessary because I loved him. Yes, I love him, damn it. As tormenting and scary as it may be, I don't want to leave him, and I don't think I could. After everything we've been through, I can't do that now.

I ended up falling asleep in the bathtub. It was already past ten o'clock at night when I woke up. I needed to see him.

I only put on a pair of panties, threw a coat on top, sprayed perfume, and hurriedly left, grabbing the shoe I found on the way, the one I had worn all day, and the car keys.

It was still raining heavily, and I ran to get into my car. Damn, a storm was coming.



At Nathan's building, I no longer needed to announce or ask for permission to go up. Besides having the private elevator code, he had certainly given an order to those who worked there.

I entered the enormous room, hearing the sound of thunder. It was all dark, except for the faint natural light coming from the huge glass windows that went from floor to ceiling. I noticed the silhouette sitting in front of them.

I took off my shoes and approached slowly. Nathan was holding a glass, and a bottle of whiskey was on the floor.

He always did this.

"You think whiskey solves everything?" I asked, making his face turn towards me.

"And you think you can solve everything by running away?"

Okay. I deserved that. I deduced he was slightly drunk from his tone of voice. Relaxed, I would say.

"Do you want to argue now?"

I could barely concentrate; he was so sexy. Part of me just wanted to embrace him. The thought of a little boy suffering broke my heart.

"I didn't expect you... I'm glad you came."

Suddenly, he seemed so melancholic. It was completely strange.

"Are you okay?"

"You left... What do you think?"

I approached, standing beside him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I didn't leave; I just can't think straight near you," I said.

"I understand that well..." He smiled and placed a hand on the back of my thigh.

"Just looking at you... it already..." His thumb was caressing my skin.

"Nat..."

"What have you decided?" He continued playing with his thumb.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I was upset. Partly because I found out from someone else."

"You're the only person who can say those things to me. If it were anyone else..."

"Would you have killed them?"

He smiled and nodded.

"I was just upset and scared."

"I'm not that boy anymore, beautiful. It's been a long, long time."

"I think this fear has always been with me. I don't want to be just another one. Disposable." His hand left my thigh. "I think that will always haunt me."

"We've been through this so many times before. But I can't change my past. Trust, remember?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then why didn't you tell me? You never tell me anything."

"I don't like talking about it, Kate. I'm ashamed of what my parents went through because of me. Please..."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Let's just... not talk about it."

"You were just a boy. Everyone has problems, Nat, and it's clear how proud your family is of the man you've become."

"I just don't want to remember. It's all fine now. I want to forget, okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

We stayed silent for a while.

"Do you still have this crazy idea that sex is just to keep me sane?"

"You said you wanted to do things with me."

"I always do."

"What things?"

He stands up, standing in front of me.

"Maybe you might even like some, others I think you wouldn't accept. My desire is to show you a little bit of everything I've experienced."

"Why wouldn't I accept? What have you experienced?"

His hands reach my face.

"Baby, I believe you have limits. We all do."

"I don't understand. I can't quite imagine exactly what those things are."

"Can we leave that aside for now?"

"I don't know, it makes me think that I can't give you everything you want."

"You're everything I want. Only you." He bit his fleshy lower lip, moving closer to mine.

I closed my eyes and let his soft, warm mouth dominate mine. His tongue fit perfectly and fervently into mine, arousing my body in response. Desire intensified between my thighs.
"Why do you do this to me?" I stopped the kiss, holding his chin as I gasped.

"What?" He looked into my eyes.

"You leave me hungry..."

I wanted to do everything with him. To kiss and explore every part of his body. His firm back, his broad shoulders, his muscular arms, his huge chest, and his well-defined abdomen. The sight of his body was enough to stir my wild desire inside.

He opened my coat, staring at me. He held onto each side of the garment, looking at my body.

"Damn... Did you leave the house wearing just this?"

"I was in a hurry."

"A hurry?"

"I was worried about you."

"Worried?"

I didn't know if he was paying attention to my words or just repeating them. His eyes were still fixated on my breasts.

"Is it a game?" I asked.

"Huh?" He looked into my eyes.

"Are you just going to stare? I'm sure I can come just like that." I took off the sleeves and let the coat fall to the ground.

"Just like that?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Yes, but I prefer you to touch me."

I put my arms around his neck and felt how excited he was when his erection pressed against my stomach.

"Excuse me, Mr. Ryan!" James cleared his throat, entering the room suddenly. "I didn't know you were with someone."

"Damn," Nathan muttered, using his body to cover me.

I laughed, finding the situation embarrassing, and he narrowed his eyes at me disapprovingly.

He checked if James had turned around before bending down to pick up my coat. After helping me put it on, he took a deep breath before turning to James.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, Miss Bethany is downstairs."

Bethany? The assistant who took my place? What was she doing here?

"Bethany? At this hour?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, you can let her come up."

"Okay, sir." James waved at me before leaving.

"Why is she here at this hour?" I asked.

"I'm wondering the same thing."

"There's a storm outside."

"I know... I can see it from the window."

He was a little drunk and now annoyed as well.

"Does she always do this? Show up in the middle of the night?"

"Please, Kate, not now. I'll just get rid of her, okay?"

"I hope so."

I closed my coat while he picked up the whiskey bottle and glass, then placed them on the side table.

I heard the elevator doors opening as he walked towards the hallway, heading to his room. What the hell was Bethany doing here at this hour?

Bethany had been one of the top students in my class. It didn't surprise me that even after graduation, Nathan decided to keep working with her. But even though she wasn't his type, in my opinion, I still felt apprehensive. Bethany wasn't ugly; she was actually quite pretty. She must have been one or two years older than me, with honey-colored hair and eyes. She wore glasses, and from what I had noticed, her body was in good shape.

We weren't friends; I think we exchanged only a few words throughout the course. But the fact that she showed up here so late was completely strange. My curiosity made me stop. I leaned against the wall to try to hear them.