Chapter 113

KATE

It was dark, there was only a faint light coming from the lamp and the window, where the street seemed to be calm. I lifted my head from his chest, trying not to wake him up. Were we really sleeping on the floor of my living room? How long had it been? I got up, trying to clear my thoughts. He held my hand, stopping me from taking a step.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

Damn. What did I do? He was here, naked, sitting in my living room with a smile.

"I want to see your new room."

"It's time for you to leave," I said, trying not to be rude but apparently failing, judging by his surprised expression.

"Tomorrow is Saturday, I'm not in a hurry." Damn. What should I do now?

"Yeah, but you have to go." I offered a weak smile.

"Are you playing hard to get now?"

"It's not that..." I didn't know what to say to him, I didn't even know why I did this. No, I knew, I wanted this so much. And now I think I've lost myself. "I don't know what you're thinking... It was amazing, thank you, but... it was just for fun."

I needed to make it clear that things between us hadn't changed, despite the sex.

"Are you really going to play this game?" he asked with a cold expression.

"It's not a game, Nathan, it's reality."

"Reality? Which one? The one where you act like a bitch?"

"We had sex, had fun, and it was great." What was I saying? Just push him away, Kate.

"And when are we going to have fun again?"

"Any day, who knows." I didn't want to be rude, and I didn't know if I should or shouldn't be. I really didn't know what to do or say. But I knew I wasn't going back. And I wouldn't go back.

"Are you really going to pretend you're not interested?" Did he think things would be the same as before?

"Or maybe seeing me again isn't good for you."

"God!" He stood up. "Alright, Collins. Maybe we can talk when you grow up."

Of course, he would attack me. I'm asking him to leave after stripping naked like a madwoman in front of him. Why did I do this? I shouldn't have done it. But it was just sex. That's what Mary always says. But it was sex with Ryan. Damn. We had something before, I shouldn't have thought it would be easy...

"Just try to accept that things have changed, Ryan." He raised his eyebrows, getting closer.

"What changed? I still feel the same, Kate." Damn. The red flag sounded in my brain. I was playing with fire. Okay. Keep your distance. Be indifferent.

"I've changed. It may seem like a short time, but I did things, my thoughts have changed." There was truth in what I was saying, but right now, I just needed him to leave. All this time apart had at least shown me that I could never be rational around him.

"Be straightforward, but don't pretend to be indifferent."

"I will never be indifferent to you, you're the most amazing guy I've ever slept with." Damn. Don't be a jerk, Kate.

"I'm not just talking about sex... You talk as if you've been with many others."

"I went out with other guys." He averted his gaze from mine, and I saw his jaw tighten before he stepped away to look for his clothes. Damn. Should I have told him that? Okay. Maybe I was being too rude. But I didn't know how to explain to him that we weren't getting back into the tumultuous relationship we had before. "Nathan? I had to move on."

My intention wasn't to be rude, but he didn't seem okay with that. What else could I say?

"Okay." I watched him finish getting dressed and simply leave. What the hell had I done?




***


One week after he came to my house and appeared in one of the most important gossip magazines alongside a top model who seemed to be eighteen, I couldn't resist. My instincts told me to do it.

I asked someone to let him know I was coming up. I still had the code for his floor. I was informed that he was in his office. It was an exciting Saturday, the weather was incredibly pleasant, and in just forty minutes, I was supposed to meet John at a beach-style bar for some casual conversation.

I questioned myself countless times if I should come here, but I missed him, and I could admit that after so much reluctance. But I couldn't admit that I was dying of curiosity about the model he was pictured with, embracing her as they left a nightclub.

Perhaps jealousy was eating away at me. I walked until I stood in front of the enormous windows of his office. I liked them. The view was simply incredible. Manhattan seemed so calm from here, with all the towering skyscrapers and an orange sky behind them.

In a way, Mary was the big influence for me being here, and she didn't even know about my problems with Ryan. But that woman had taught me more about dealing with men in recent times. She was always happy and self-assured, and I wanted to be more like her. So I was trying to leave the past behind and do only what I wanted to do.

I wasn't proud of it, but I did some research on the girl from the photos. Google is always a good informant in certain moments, especially when it comes to these super-famous people. Her name was Samantha, she was twenty years old, had an enviable body, and so on.

I really wished I didn't care, but I hated imagining her here and Nathan calling her Sam. It made me sick. Maybe I was crazy. Sending him away and then coming here out of jealousy didn't make any sense. But I wouldn't be at peace without knowing what was going on with the girl.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as the doors opened.

"'Kate, it's so good to see you!'" I mocked, trying to stop looking at his body wrapped only in a towel around his hips.

He looked delicious as if he had just taken a shower, with water droplets falling from his hair, wetting his skin. As I had noticed, he had gained more muscles in these months. But unlike last week, he had cut his hair and shaved completely. Was that a sign that everything was fine? I didn't know if I wanted to know the reason.

"Actually, I'm completely surprised. After our last encounter, I thought I wouldn't see you again."

"I came to see if you were okay. After all, we're friends." What a terrible excuse.

"Are we?"

"No?"

"I don't think so. You look marvelous. Is all this for me?" He moved away, heading towards the kitchen.

"Thank you." I ignored his question. I watched as he grabbed water from the fridge and poured himself a glass.

"So?" He took a sip before looking at me.

"So?"

"Is it for me?"

"Actually, I'm meeting a friend in a little while. I think I reserved the day for visiting friends. But I already see that you're a terrible host since you didn't offer me anything to drink." I sat on the arm of the sofa.

"I'm sorry, what do you want?"

I ended up turning the neutral and light-hearted atmosphere into an uncomfortable one when I stared at him for too long, but I couldn't stop looking. My lustful desires dominated my imagination. My mouth watered, and everything heated up down there.

"Thanks, but I'm leaving. I just came to check if you were okay." I forced a smile.

"Do you want to tell me something?" He asked, stopping right in front of me. Of course, he wanted to know why the hell I had come. It really didn't make any sense.

"No." I shrugged.

"What did you really come here for?"

"I already said to see if you were okay."

"You mean, to see if I was able to survive after you dumped me?"

"Did I do that? I just said that you wouldn't find something that was left in the past. But I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I've figured out what your problem is, Collins, you're crazy," he said, making me laugh.

"Why do you say that?"

"You spent four months hating me, and then when I approach you to talk, you simply take your clothes off in front of me, have sex with me, and tell me to fuck off."

"Think about what I just said, the past stays in the past, Ryan."

"And the present, what does that mean?"

"That I wanted to have sex with you, so I did."

"Sure, just like that."

"Just like that."

"Great, now tell me the real reason you're here."

"I'm not going to repeat it."

"Alright, I'm fine, if that's what you wanted to know."

"I'm genuinely glad, and I already suspected it, since you have a new girlfriend to help you." He narrowed his eyes, then raised an eyebrow, a satisfied smile appearing on his lips. Damn, Kate, how subtle.