Chapter 09

KATE

 
The taxi stopped in front of my apartment. I just needed my bed. I entered after paying the driver, and it was still raining, and I guessed it wouldn't stop anytime soon. I climbed the stairs to the door and opened it, hoping not to find anyone in the living room. I was lucky.

I entered my room, closing the door behind me and leaning against it. I took a deep breath. I just wanted some peace and tranquillity, but it was impossible with him on my mind.

I undressed from my dress and shoes and lay down. I wanted to sleep the rest of Saturday. I curled up and covered myself with the sheet. I tried to push all the memories away, squeezing my eyes shut. But his face was vivid in my mind—his mouth, his hands. Damn it. I felt like kissing him, feeling his strong touch. His firm hands on my body.

Why the hell did I desire to be with someone I had spent just one night with? Someone I had just met? I wanted to forget him, but at the same time, I wanted to be with him. To sleep with him.

Damn it, I could only think about sleeping with him. This will pass soon. It's just happening because I've never been so intimately involved with someone before. I'll survive. But the desire was consuming me, making me feel like an addict.

It was past seven thirty when I woke up. I got up early since I had slept the whole afternoon the day before, and in the evening, I just watched a movie with Lisa before going to bed again.

I put on running clothes and went out. The sun was still hiding behind some clouds. I walked to Central Park and ran for about forty minutes, with my headphones at maximum volume, trying to occupy my mind.

When I got back home, I found Lisa leaving. I remembered that she had mentioned that she was going to visit her mother in New Jersey and would be back on Thursday. She came down the stairs with two suitcases.

"Need help?" I asked, taking off my earphones.

"Please!"

I picked up one of the suitcases and helped her put it in the car trunk.

"Thank you. So... are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Don't try to fool me, Kate. I know something happened. But I'll leave you alone for now."

I smiled and hugged her, grateful for her not pushing further. I knew she didn't believe me when I said I didn't spend the night with anyone, omitting the events of the previous night. But perhaps lying to myself, saying that it was a terrible night, would help me forget.

"Tell your parents I send kisses."

"Ok. Tell me you'll be okay," she said.

"I'm fine," I replied.

She hugged me again.

"I think you should also go visit your father, Kate," she said.

"Who knows... maybe soon," I replied.

"You know you can always count on me, right?"

"Yes, I know."

"Alright then. Goodbye! If you need anything, just call, and I'll come running."

"Sure. Goodbye! Take care!"

She got into her car and drove away, leaving me alone. I entered the house and picked up the phone to call my father, remembering Lisa's comment. I hadn't been calling him very often in the past few months.

As much as he was the best father in the world, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold myself together, and it would only remind him of what happened.

Some things changed after my mother died in the accident. That almost ended us. It happened a year before I moved to New York. My father just moved houses. It must have been impossible for him to leave Dallas. He met her there, and I think he would spend the rest of his life there. But for me, it was so hard to spend that last year there without her. But I had to finish school.

And as much as I didn't want to leave my father, I couldn't stay. He knew that. So he let me go without any interference. But I knew he missed me, and I missed him too. I didn't visit him after he moved. Not just because of the university, but because it would be too hard to go back there knowing I wouldn't see her. I usually called once or twice a month, and he would tell me how everything was going.

The phone rang, and he answered on the third ring.

"Yes?"

I heard his familiar voice.

"Hi... Dad."

"Katherine? Hi, sweetheart, how are you?"

"Fine, how are things over there?"

I could sense the sadness in his voice, and I knew he could feel the same about me. I wasn't ready to visit him yet, but I knew I had to do it soon.

 
 

In the following days, before Lisa returned, I could hardly sleep. That man, whose name I wished to forget, took over my thoughts since I had nothing else to occupy my mind. But the nights were the hardest because I longed to feel his body close to mine, almost as if it were a necessity. And it was driving me crazy.

I was setting the table when Lisa walked in, throwing her suitcases on the floor and coming towards me with open arms.

"Missed me?" I asked as she hugged me.

"Very much. My mom sends you a million kisses and a gift too."

"Thank you! Remind me to thank her later."

"Hmm! I see you've been cooking. I'm starving, but I need to change first."

"Okay."

She walked away toward her room but stopped at the door.

"You lost weight? You look so skinny."

"It's only been three days, Lisa." I rolled my eyes. It was ridiculous.

"God! I leave for a few days, and I find you malnourished."

I ignored her, gesturing for her to hurry up.

After changing, she came back. We sat down for lunch. I asked her many questions about her trip, and when we finished eating, she showed me the presents she brought for some of her friends and handed me the gift her mother had sent for me. There was a card thanking me for taking care of Lisa and a dark blue dress that must have been extremely expensive.

Money was never a problem for Lisa's family; they owned a chain of department stores known nationwide. Dickens Store. But Lisa wasn't so attached to money; she didn't go around squandering it; she just liked to dress impeccably.

In my family, we always had enough; my father owned a chain of automotive parts stores in Texas. My mother always chose a simpler life, and my father never minded. He loved her too much, especially for that.

And despite the job demanding a lot of his time, he was always there. My father even wanted me to work in his business after high school, but I made him understand that I wanted to conquer the world on my own.

I slept well on the last night before the test results came out. Maybe it was because of the completely depraved dream I had. The memory made me want to laugh while sitting in Lisa's passenger seat.

Damn, Nathan. I woke up wet. I should be ashamed. But the dream had helped with the tension in a way. Now I was just anxious for the test result; my future could depend on it.

The drive to the university took about twenty minutes; the traffic wasn't so chaotic. Which was strange for a Friday.

We were informed that the whole class was already gathered in one of the rooms. We greeted everyone, and Mr. Spencer, our dean, arrived shortly after, accompanied by a brunette woman.

After exchanging some greetings, they organized themselves in front of the classroom and turned to face us. Mr. Spencer began speaking.

"Before announcing the new hire for Ryan, I want to congratulate in advance the successful candidate, and also thank Ryan for his partnership in this project."

Nervousness took over me. I guessed it was happening to everyone around me too. Mr. Spencer looked at the woman, creating suspense, then turned back to us. My heart seemed to leap in my chest.

"Well, I am pleased to announce that Miss Katherine Collins obtained the highest score on the test. Congratulations, Miss Collins!"

What? Damn it! I froze. Did he say my name? I can't believe it. I made it.

Mr. Spencer started walking towards me, and I automatically stood up. He extended his hand, and I shook it, still in shock.

"Congratulations, Miss Collins!"

"Thank you, Mr. Spencer."

I still couldn't believe it.

"This is Miss Julie Swan. She works at Ryan and will assist you until your first day at the company. She will give you all the information you need."

"Just Julie, please. It's a pleasure to have you as part of the Ryan team, Miss Collins."

The brunette offered me her hand, and I shook it firmly.

"The pleasure is mine, Miss Swan."

"See you soon, then," she said before walking away.

"See you."

"Miss Collins, we'll call you tomorrow to discuss the matter."

Mr. Spencer said before leaving with Miss Swan. Lisa let out a little scream behind me and ran to hug me.

"Congratulations! You deserve it! I knew it!" She hugged me, shaking me.

"Thank you. I still can't believe it."

"Enough, Lisa; we also want to congratulate her," Matt said, coming closer. He hugged me, and all my other colleagues did the same afterward.

"Where should we celebrate?" Lisa asked. She just needed an excuse to party.

"In the usual place, right?" Brad suggested, putting his arm over my shoulders.

"Kate should decide, guys," Sarah said, looking at me with a smile and obvious pride.

"Whatever you all want." I shrugged, still not believing it.

Later, we ended up in the same bar as always, two streets away from the university. And after a few beers and a speech from Lisa, drunk and on the table, about how proud she felt.

I ended up going back home alone, and I simply threw myself onto my bed, exhausted and happy.

I still couldn't believe I had made it; it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. But something was still bothering me. As if something were missing.

Him.

Everything would be perfect if I could have just one more night and put an end to my desire. But he couldn't give me more. Just one night and nothing else. Why can't you be my 'more'?