Chapter 155

NATHAN

She seemed sadder now that we were back. Seeing the sadness in her eyes was killing me inside. It was raining heavily when we arrived. I escorted her to my room.

"Do you prefer to stay in another room, or do you want me to sleep somewhere else for now?" I didn't know if she needed space or if she wanted to be alone. I watched as she sat on the bed, looking anywhere but into my eyes.

"No. It's your room. I already feel bad enough for being here after what you..."

"I've already told you to forget about that. If you change your mind, I'll leave anytime; you just need to say."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I want you to be comfortable."

"No, not that. Why are you pretending like nothing happened? Like we're okay?"

Why? Because she was my priority, damn it.

"Kate, my priority is knowing that you'll be okay."

"And what about your feelings?"

"I'm not doing this out of pity if that's what you're thinking. I'm doing it because I want to and need to because it's exactly what I feel I have to do: take care of you."

"I've already said I'm fine."

She wasn't fine at all. Neither physically nor psychologically. She was just trying to deny her own suffering and pain.

"Let's not argue. You need to eat and rest."

"I'm not hungry. I'll take a shower. I need to go to my house to get something to wear."

"I'll have someone pick it up for you."

She didn't object; she just entered the bathroom.

Damn, I was lost. I didn't know what to do or say, and I couldn't stand seeing her like this. I didn't know if I should get closer, stay around, or give her space.

I followed her into the bathroom. She was already naked. My eyes eventually roamed her body. And even now, I couldn't help but desire her. I felt like a jerk for it.

How could I think about sex after everything she had been through? She stepped into the shower. Part of me felt the need to be by her side every second to make sure she'd be safe.

"Can I join you?" I asked hesitantly, leaning against the sink.

Turning to me with a weak smile, she said:

"You never used to ask for permission before."

"You're right," I admitted.

"And you'd also never admit that I'm right," she said, drawing a smile from me. "But... I'm not sure if it's a good idea."

I got the impression she thought it was a sexual advance, but I didn't argue; I just nodded and left.

I sat in the armchair in my room and checked some work emails on my phone. I was tired from not having slept much in the last week, precisely because I was away from her.



Only a few minutes passed before I heard a soft sob. My heart tightened. I quickly got up and rushed to the bathroom.

She was sitting on the floor of the shower, her knees pulled close to her body, hugging her legs, her head down, and crying.

I took off my shoes before entering, fully clothed, turned off the shower, and pulled her into my arms, sitting on the floor.

"I'm here. Everything will be alright. Let it out."

She broke down even more in my arms, sobbing.

"I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to apologize. Shhh." I kissed the top of her head.

I held her until her body calmed down and the tears stopped. I couldn't feel worse after seeing her like that.

Some time passed with just silence filling the air. I felt her fingers playing on my back.

"You're cold; let's finish this shower. Can you stand?"

She nodded before getting up. I left the shower to take off my clothes and returned.

"I'll wash your hair; turn around."

She took a good look at my body before turning around. *Oh, Kate... Don't do this.* I was using all my willpower to keep my erection under control.

I didn't know how much longer I could last. I didn't want to be enough of a jerk to get hard in a situation like this after everything.

I poured some shampoo into my hand before starting to rub her head. She moaned, sending a vibration straight to my erection. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Please, don't do this, baby." She inhaled before moaning again. "Kate…" She laughed, making me smile too, and something warmed inside my chest. "I'm not kidding."

"A week…" She turned to face me, her breasts pressing against my chest. I closed my eyes, seeking strength.

"What?"

"The doctor recommended at least a week without sexual activities." She had an almost smile on her face, waiting for my reaction.

"Okay," I said.

She laughed, putting her hands on my chest.

"Is that it? No complaints?"

"I don't doubt that you'll try to make this harder for me."

"Me?" She feigned innocence before taking some soap and rubbing my chest. "What are we going to do? Normal couple stuff? Like watching a movie and strolling in the park, holding hands?"

"It doesn't sound so bad." I lied.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Nathan?" Her hands slid down to my hips, and I reached out to stop them.

"All for you. You just need to keep your hands to yourself."

She laughed before becoming serious, and her sad gaze returned.

"Are we okay?"

"We will be."

"You know, we wouldn't be together right now if all this hadn't happened."

"Kate…"

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but it's the truth."

"I'm just trying to forget."

"You haven't forgotten."

"I'm trying. All this made me realize that you're more important than anything else."

She kept staring at me before nodding.

"Can I ask you something?"

How bad could it be for her to ask for permission?

"Yes." I reluctantly agreed.

"How did you feel about the pregnancy?"

Was she really asking this? What did she expect me to say? I hadn't allowed myself to think about it. I found out about it at the same time she did.

I couldn't feel sad about something I didn't even know existed. I felt sad for her. It was awful just to think about it, but I couldn't deny that I felt relieved. I wasn't ready to be a father, not for the next five or ten years at least. We still had a lot to enjoy together before that could become one of my desires. Kate would always be enough for me.

"We weren't ready for it."

She nodded. For her, it had surely been a thousand times harder.

"I think so, too."
Mr. Ryan
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