Chapter 42
KATE
It's almost midnight. I wonder where Ryan is right now, maybe in someone else's bed. And me? I am alone. The anger still consumes me. I hear knocks on the door.
"Open up." It's him. I stand up and force myself to open it. He enters with haste and an angry expression. I close the door and turn to him. I feel that he would burn me alive if he could. His jaw is clenched, and he doesn't even blink. "Did you have fun? How many different ways did you let him fuck you?" I can't believe it. My reaction is instantaneous. My hand hits his face hard, and I keep hitting his chest.
"Bastard! Asshole!" I growl. He holds my wrists, trying to restrain me. "Let go of me, you imbecile! You have no right to treat me like a whore! You fucking asshole! You are the biggest son of a bitch in the universe!"
"I saw him leave."
"Go to hell!"
"What's gotten into you?"
"You bastard! You have no right to complain about anything, you fucking asshole! You must have had a long time of fun with that bitch!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I saw you two!"
"What?"
"You and fucking Stella."
"She's just a girl! I didn't lay a fucking finger on her!"
"Don't lie! We know you're the biggest womanizer there is!"
"So, you decided to have sex with another guy, just because I was talking to the girl?"
"You let her take you to ‘who knows where’ to talk?"
"I haven't laid a finger on her! Because I am with you! Or I was. But you don't trust me, and you never will." He turns away from me, putting his hands on his head. "You didn't think of me?" Is he telling the truth? Did he have nothing to do with her? "Tell me you didn't have sex with him?" Oh, shit. He's not lying. He seems too tormented to be lying. It was me who was wrong, jumping to conclusions. I shouldn't have brought Bryan. "You were only mine..." I am yours.
"Nathan…" I feel bad. He turns towards me. "I…" How can I say this as if it doesn't matter in the least if he can't even bear the thought of anyone touching me?
"Tell me! I want you to tell me."
"I didn't have sex with him, but..." I don't know what to say. Should I say that I let him touch me? I shouldn't have done that.
"I get it."
"Nathan..."
"Shhh." He walks to a stop behind me, and I feel his warm breath on my neck. I remain still. "I wanted to fuck you until I made you forget that there are others besides me. Until I make you lose your senses and make you forget your own name. I could fuck you all night long. In many different ways."
I let my head fall back. His words aroused my desire. But he pulls away, letting go of me as if in disgust.
"But I think you've had enough fun for today."
The feeling of guilt overwhelms me. I watch him walk to the door and leave. What should I do? I can't go after him. Apologizing wouldn't do any good. Let's go back home tomorrow. It will be a long night, especially knowing that he is in the next room, alone, angry with me. Imagining that he doesn't want me anymore makes me nauseous.
I get out of the cab. I feel horrible. Especially with this rain. The taxi driver gets out to get my suitcase. I feel the raindrops wetting my face. Although Ryan offered to let his driver take me home, I didn't accept. I preferred to take a cab. It was one of the few times he addressed me after last night. And it is killing me. He also told me to take the rest of the day off. And I think this is because he doesn't want to see me. This means that it is over. Whatever kind of relationship we had is over.
Despite everything, it was good to be home. Lisa should be at work. I'm glad to see that everything is in order, at least here. All I have been thinking about for the last few hours is what will happen now. I have been contemplating the idea of looking for another job. I have only been at Ryan for a week, there is still time to plan a new project somewhere else to present in the final paper.
On the other hand, I wonder how much this will make him think I'm weak. It is as if I let him win the game after all, even though I have already lost in a way. The truth is that I always knew it wouldn't work out. From the moment I saw him on my first day at Ryan, I wanted to run away. It was quite clear that it would be impossible to carry this through.
After taking a shower and eating something, I pick up my laptop about to do something that I am not so sure about, but that I think is the most sensible thing to do.
NATHAN
I get into the elevator. I know I look like shit, and it bothers me that she will notice that I look like this because of her. I didn't get much sleep last night. I try to prepare myself psychologically to see her. The plan is to act indifferently. Treat her as my assistant, which is what she is. When the doors open, I leave. Walking towards my office, I stare at her desk for a moment. But she is not there. Maybe she is late, or somewhere else. I walk into my office. I feel uneasy. Maybe I am anxious to see her. Minutes pass, and I go out to check if she has arrived, but there is no sign of her. I go back to my office and call Megan.
"Mr. Ryan? Good morning. What can I do for you?"
"Can you tell me if Miss Collins has arrived yet?"
"Mr. Ryan... I think I'd better come up and talk to you." Huh? What's up?
"No! Whatever it is, tell me now!"
"Mr. Ryan..." She hesitates.
"Tell me!"
"Kate came by earlier... She... left an envelope, and asked me to give it to you." Oh, shit! Just imagining the contents of the envelope makes me sweat.
"Bring it to me."
"Yes, sir." I hang up.
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