Chapter 120: Semicolon
*Take a break from life. But don’t forget to start living again. – Law*
It did not take long for the whole school to know that Amelia Haughton had killed herself. Counselors were available for students and staff alike. A school assembly was scheduled for Tuesday morning.
Evie did not hide her own emotions. She scrapped her lesson plans and led open discussions in every class. Just like the one she was about to lead in the last class.
“Miss, are you going to give us some bullshit about how we can talk to you?” Miss Davis asked.
“No, ma’am, I will never give you bullshit. But you can always come talk to me.” She flipped on the projector and a phone number appeared on the smart board. “Put this in your phone and text me your name.”
“You expect me to believe that you’re going to give out your phone number?” one of the boys demanded.
“My Saints kids, you have my phone number. Is that the same number that you have for me?”
Camille was scrolling through her phone and then compared the number on the board to the one in her phone. “Yeah, that’s it.”
“Anytime you need someone to talk to, call me. If I don’t answer, I will call you back as soon as I can. If it is an emergency, send me a text of a semicolon.”
Evie held up her right hand, showing them the small and often overlooked semicolon butterfly on her thumb.
“A semicolon is used in a sentence when you need to pause a little longer than you would with a comma. But it’s not a hard stop like a period.”
One of the cheerleaders raised her hand, exposing her own semicolon tattoo on her left wrist. “Life goes on.”
“Yes, Miss Grayson, life goes on.” Evie agreed as she settled in her chair. “The week after next, I will be out. It will mark four years since I lost my husbands. My legal husband and his patrol partner responded to a domestic disturbance. Teenage boy had a bad reaction to some drugs and assaulted his mom and sister thinking that they were monsters.”
“Officer down call went out and our partner was one of the first paramedics to arrive. His best friend’s life was in danger and Cade went against orders to go to Daniel.”
“The boy, Geoffrey, was one of my junior students. All of this was going on with me being completely oblivious. In fact, just before the chaplain showed up, I had found out I was pregnant.” Evie rubbed her growing belly tenderly.
“By midnight, Cade, Daniel, Richard and Geoffrey were dead and I had miscarried.” As in her other classes, they listened with rapt attention. “I didn’t return to school until after Christmas break. I fought with depression for quite a while. I went to my parents house one night to say goodbye.”
There was a collective gasp in the room as Evie steeled herself. She had said it many times that day. It did not lessen the shame.
“I had it planned. So much that I even had my cat at the vet overnight. I told them that I was going out of town, my parents might pick Scruffles up in a few days if I was gone longer than expected. I had asked one of Daniel’s former patrol partners to stop by in the morning, I had found something that he might want. I didn’t want my family to be the ones that found me.”
“My dad is an emergency doctor. He saw what I did not want him to see. Instead of letting me leave, he said he wanted to go for a ride. He didn’t let me out of his sight until we met my brother.”
She gave a little laugh. “He even made me go to the men’s room with him. Stall door open. Had the cops called on him twice and both times he told them he was my father and doctor. I was on suicide watch.”
Wiping tears away, she looked over her class who were also crying with her.
“I spent three months with my brother in Maine. Before I went home, he took me to the tattoo shop.” She clicked a few keys on her computer and Law’s rose tattoo popped up. Buried in the leaves were the names Alma, Preston and Parker. The petals declared they were the reason he lived. The rose and stem made a semicolon.
“My brother lost his wife when their boys were twelve. He knew where I was. Knew the struggle I was in. And I can tell you, our stories may not be the same, but I know that darkness.”
“It sucks.” Miss Davis said softly. “Everyone tells you to ask for help. But when you do, adults think you don’t have anything to be depressed about.”
“You have your whole life ahead of you.” A boy added with a snarky voice.
“I will never tell you that.” Evie promised. “They are your feelings and you are entitled to them. My dad reminds me that it’s okay to not be okay. But it’s not okay to give up. Life sucks from time to time. We’re talking sucks worse than a dollar blow job.”
She rubbed her belly again as the teens laughed. “But the sun comes out again. Little miracles happen. Dreams change and come true. You change. Life changes. You have to go through the darkness to see a sunrise.”
“Do not go gentle into the dark night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Rachel Woodson, her one goth student, quoted.
“Love me some Dylan Thomas.” Evie smiled as her alarm dinged. “I have agreed to stay after today if anyone wants to stay also. If you need to talk, or just don’t want to be alone, you’re more than welcome to stay.”
