Book 2: Chapter 38

***Chapter 38***

The next day we were up around 4 in the morning. We had to be up so early because we were taking a drive to Greendale. It was all a part of my game plan to speak to Summer without our parents around. I wanted her to see the good that was going to come out of our mother remarrying. This type of thing was always hard for kids her age and I wanted to change that. Unfortunately, that meant driving to Greendale, but I had Jay to thank for that.

We didn’t have time to make breakfast at home, instead stopping at a quick drive-thru cafe to grab drinks and a couple sandwiches. Soon after we got on the road for our long drive to Greendale. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had Jay driving instead of Jeremy and that made all the difference. The drive felt a lot quicker with someone else behind the wheel. That part I was thankful for.

The hard part was seeing Summer’s face once she realized where we were. One minute she was laughing and talking nonstop with Saida. The next, she went silent with tears already forming in her eyes. I knew this would be hard for her, but it was something we needed to happen. This was the only way to open her eyes to the positive changes happening around her. My mom would so kill me when she finds out what I did. It’s for the best though.

Summer looked at me like she knew what I was up to and didn’t like it. Being the best big sister that I am, I didn’t care. Instead, telling Jay and Saida to wait in the car for a moment while Summer and I head to our father's gravesite. Ironically enough, it reminded me of the time Jay took me to meet his mom. Though that was a bit more intimate than this is. I had an angry teenager on my hands this time around. More like a misunderstood teenager.

Getting to our father's site, almost immediately Summer started balling tears. It made me shed tears with how much she was crying. It’s been some time since we’ve been here, but I didn’t think we’d have this much emotion so suddenly. I understood though and wanted to dig into what she was feeling right away.

I grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly. “Tell me, Summer, what are you thinking?” I wanted insights.

Summer squeezed my hand back, trying to fight back the tears. “Why would you bring me here, Autumn?” She questioned with so much anger mixed with sadness. “Why? What are you trying to do to me? I don’t like this.”

Sighing, I let go of her hand to lay down the law. “Look, I knew you wouldn’t like it, but I need you to understand something,” I began to speak. “Mom is going to remarry soon and you’ve been nothing but rude to Jeremy.”

I didn’t want to come here and argue at our father's grave, but it was the only place where Summer would be honest with me. It was a painful ordeal and I’m sure our dad wasn’t happy about this, but he would be happy to have Summer happy. That much was for certain and that was the goal. She’s been a completely different person since Jeremy has been in the picture. I was here to tell her she didn’t have to be. She didn’t have to be sad or depressed about anything. Or she at least didn’t have to feel she couldn’t talk to us about it.

Summer didn’t want to hear that though. “I just don’t understand why she has to get remarried. It’s pointless!” She yelled.

“Pointless? Mom is happy and in love again. How could that be pointless?” Now I was getting a little angry.

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this, Autumn.” She insisted.

“Well, you need to, Summer. You can’t keep ignoring this because it’s happening. So what’s wrong? Why are you acting so closed off-”

“Because I don’t want a new dad! I want my dad back, ok?” She finally opened up.

I can hear the hurt in her voice as the tears continued to roll down her face. I couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. Though Jeremy didn’t need to be seen as a new dad. Just someone that she could look to as a dad. If anyone felt her pain it was me. We both lost our father on that tragic day. I wish there were a way for me to turn back time so she could develop those precious memories. But that didn’t mean our mother couldn’t move on and be happy as well.

We both stayed silent as Summer sat down close to our fathers head stone. The tears spilled more rapidly as she sat there. I didn’t want to talk without giving her the chance to let out all her feelings. Instead of speaking, I walked over to sit with her to show her that I’m always there when she needs me. This was a turning point for Summer to get out of her funk. To open herself up to new experiences. But first, we had to deal with the hard part.

Wiping her tears, she kept her eyes focused on the headstone while speaking some more. “I want to let Jeremy in, but it’s hard. I didn’t get to have a dad as you did, A.” She sniffled. “As much as I want those experiences it feels wrong in a way. Like I’m betraying dad or something. Not only that, I’ve been a real jerk to mom about the whole situation when I know she’s trying her best. I’m just scared that if I open up to Jeremy then I’ll forget all about dad.”

Her concerns were valid and I can understand the rollercoaster she was going through in her head. Thinking our dad would be upset with her closeness to Jeremy would scare anyone in her position. However, knowing that man, he would be happy that Summer is well taken care of. That’s all he ever wanted for all of us. There was no need to worry about how dad would feel because I know he was happy as long as she is.

Wiping some of her tears, I smile. “Summer, you getting close to Jeremy would never change how much dad loved and still loves you.” I remind her. “All he ever wanted in life was to make us all happy and my goal, as your big sis, was to make sure you were happy as well.” I wrap my arms around her. “Now, I probably haven’t been as attentive as I should be and I’m sorry for that. Summer, I really am but that’s also why I introduced you to Saida and you’ve had a good time with her right?”

She nods. “I didn’t think she’d be as fun as she is.” She says with a smile.

I smile back. “Point is, you don’t need to worry about replacing dad because he is irreplaceable.” I squeeze her tighter. “That doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with Jeremy and just be happy.”

Summer sat silently for a minute, processing my words. I was hoping I could get through to her in some capacity. It wasn’t my greatest idea, but it did bring out emotions in Summer that she’s been bottling up. The good thing is she listened to me this time. I don’t mean listen just to make me shut up, but her ears were opened and it got through to her. As hard as it was, Jeremy wanted nothing but the best for Summer as for all of our family. She didn’t have to think of him as a father if she didn’t want to. He could just be Jeremy and he’d be completely fine with it. Happiness is all that matters.

Sighing, she hugged me back, resting her head on my chest. “I miss talking to you Autumn,” she says faintly.

I smile, looking down at her. “I know kiddo. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted.” I apologize.

“Just make sure you find yourself a husband out of this,” she jokes, making me laugh. “And also, I think I’ll give Jeremy a chance. He has been trying for so long after all.”

That’s what I wanted to hear. “Not only are you going to give him a chance, but you will apologize for acting like a brat you hear me?” I couldn’t help but parent her a bit.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah mom.” We laugh as we nudge each other. “I love you, A.”

“I love you too, Summer.”

We stayed at the site for a few extra minutes before having to head back to Sunbury. We didn’t need Farah losing her mind about Saida not being back on time. I also didn’t want Farah to stop them from seeing each other. It was important we get her back home when we said we would. So, we grabbed lunch to eat in the car again and Jay stepped on it to make it back.

Summer seemed a lot better after our small talk. I needed to make better efforts with her. Sunbury truly does suck you into this life of chaos. Though, as I said before, I’m happy she had Saida to talk to and confide in when I’m not around. The fact of the matter is, I won’t always be there and that’s ok too. As long as she knows she can come to me whenever she wanted then we were ok. Jeremy would be delighted to see a new Summer around the house too. Now the only thing left to do was plan the proposal which would be hard with how nosey my mom is. Knowing Summer was on board would make her day though.

We got back just in time for Saida to be back and said goodbye to them both. I didn’t bother to go in as I was exhausted from the long drive there and back. Jay took us to his place where we somewhat relaxed. Ever since we got back from the gravesite, my emotions have been all over the place. Mainly, I’ve been thinking about my decision to go with Cyrus to Penshaw. I wasn’t sure if it were the right thing and I still needed to tell Jay about it. But how?

Jay was no stranger to me overthinking things. His arm wrapped around me as he pulled me into him gently. The warmth of his body soothes me every time. Though I was afraid he wouldn’t react well to the news. At the same time, I didn’t know if I wanted to go through with it anymore.

Kissing the top of my head, Jay started to speak. “What’s going on, A? I know visiting your dad probably filled you with a lot of emotion.” He was so attentive and understanding.

Lifting my head, I avoid eye contact when responding to him. “No, it’s not that. It’s just…” I trail off for a moment. “Cyrus invited me to go to Penshaw for 2 days and I-I initially said yes, but I don’t know if I want to go anymore.”

That caught his attention. “Oh, well why not?” He wondered.

I shrug, trying to make sense of the things I was feeling myself. “I’m not sure. I guess I’m tired of having to go back and forth between you both.” I admit.

That wasn’t a lie. It was getting exhausting going back and forth trying to be careful of the things I said to each of them. However, I still loved them both dearly. I guess I’m just exhausted and need a break as well. Secretly, Jay and I are a couple. Yet, I still see Cyrus every now and again when I can. It’s a lot to process and with such little time with them both; how does one handle it? How do I even begin to choose who I want to be with?

Jay shifted in his seat a little bit, getting this worried look on his face. “Autumn, are you-”

“No, I’m not breaking up with you, Jay,” I giggle to which he sighed with relief. “I’m just…still figuring stuff out.”

He smiled softly. “If that’s the case, then you go and see if it helps you figure things out.” He was always so open to everything I did. “But not without spending the day with me first.” He winked.

I smirked, running my fingers through his soft curls. “What do you have planned Mr. Karim?”

“You’ll see.”