Chapter 54

Chapter 54

Being in Jay’s house was awkward and not for the reasons I thought it’d be. It was awkward because Jay really was pretending like nothing happened. He was joking around with Cyrus like everything was ok. We even talked normally, like we didn’t just commit a crime. The show he was putting on was golden, that’s for sure. But it bothered me because it felt like he calculated everything to get me to sleep with him. I felt used. My heart hurt.

My feelings aside, the joy Cyrus felt today was out of the world. He looked extremely happy to be spending time with his friend again. It has been awhile since these two hung out. I was grateful to come along for the ride. I was also grateful to be seeing him be at his happiest. Even if we concealed the truth for now. Seeing Cyrus this joyous made everything ok.

Hours had gone by with these two throwing back a couple of beers. Yes, Cyrus let Jay drink some since he was under his supervision. Of course, he wouldn’t turn down cold beers while I sat back, not drinking a thing. Beer wasn’t my cup of tea, so this night was all about the boys. It felt great to be included, though. They both included me in the conversations. Cyrus more than Jay, but like I said, it was awkward between the two of us right now. Only he was good at masking it.

“As soon as we get to Santa Fay, we have to go straight to the spot!” Cyrus was excited about this trip for once.

What caught my attention was that he said once we were. As in him and Jay. My heart pounded in my chest. Was Jay actually coming to Santa Fay with us? Why? Who on earth would invite him there? I thought this weekend was going to be my chance to reevaluate my life. That was going to be hard to do with Jay still in my presence. I would have fixated my attention on Cyrus. Now I’m going to be so worried about Jay that Cyrus wouldn’t get me at my best. This was just great!

Jay chugged some of his beer, nodding in agreement. “Man, it’s been forever since we’ve been there.” He reminisced about the memories.

“Wait, you’re coming?” I asked, a little freaked out.

“Yeah, is there a problem with that?” Now he was just being an asshole.

I shook my head, leaning back against the counter. “Nope. Not at all.” Keeping my cool was hard.

“Good.”

“Great.”

We could cut the tension with a knife between us as we stared each other down. I don’t know what game he was trying to play, but it wasn’t funny. Did he find enjoyment in making me stress out? He wasn’t sweating any of this, which perturbed me. That cool and collected demeanor of his was bugging me. Ugh, why was I letting him get under my skin like this? It was not worth it, but I wanted answers! Best believe I was going to get them. If we have to spend a weekend in Santa Fay with him around, we should at least be comfortable with each other.

Finishing his drink, Cyrus threw his glass out before gathering his stuff. “Make sure you get packed tonight, Jay. I’m not missing this trip because of your slow ass.” He warned him.

Jay laughed. “I’ll go pack as soon as you leave, boss man.” He joked.

Cyrus looked at me, happiness etched on his face. “Ready to go?” His voice was so sweet.

I smiled. “Yeah, just I forgot something here from when I stayed the night.” I lied. “Meet you outside?”

He nodded. “Of course, no problem.” He kissed me, making my knees buckle. “Remember what I said, Jay, or you’ll get left.”

“I got it, I got it. Sheesh.” Jay responded as Cyrus walked out the door.

I headed upstairs to his room because I did forgot my wet clothes the other day. They were still hanging up right where I left them in his bathroom. Quickly grabbing them, I walked out of his bathroom, only to be startled by Jay standing in his doorway. His deep blue eyes piercing through me. He didn’t look too happy, but he was trying to hide it as best as he could.

Though there was no need, as I wasn’t happy with him either. There was no explanation for why he was acting the way he was, but here we were, staring each other down. No words were being said with our lips. But a lot was being said with our eyes. Deep down, I knew he felt it, too. The animosity slowly building up between us was indescribable. It was ridiculous even. Maybe we should forget everything that happened.

Not being able to stay quiet for too long, I spoke up first. I needed answers.

“What the hell, Jay?” My voice was fierce, my eyes raging with fire.

He stepped inside his room, but not too close. “What the hell what?” He played dumb.

I frowned. “You know what I’m talking about, Jason.”

“Ouch, you said my entire name. You must really be mad.” He had to turn everything into a joke.

I gave him a tight-lipped smile, not willing to entertain this any longer. “You know what, never mind.”

Walking away, I pushed past him, not sparing him another glance. He didn’t let me get as far as the door before he grabbed my arm. Turning me back around towards him, he still had that stupid smirk on his face. It’s like he didn’t learn a thing about at all. What kicks was he getting out of this? This wasn’t even a laughing matter. We were dealing with some serious shit and he wanted to make light of the situation.

“Why so angry, gorgeous?” He questioned, holding on to me.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m angry because you’re acting like a jerk!” I yell. “Did you forget what happened the other night, or did it not matter?”

Jay heard how serious I was being with him, finally letting my arm go. His face went from his seductive smirk to a serious expression. It was clicking with him. I wasn’t joking. I was dead ass serious, and we needed to settle this as soon as possible. Cyrus was outside waiting for me. Probably wondering why it was taking so long. There was really no time to discuss this, but a simple explanation would suffice for now.

Jay put his hands in his pockets, sighing. “You think it didn’t matter to me?” He questioned quietly.

“Yes! You’ve been pretending like nothing happened, so naturally I would make that assumption.” I argued with him.

“Well, Autumn, you’re a fucking idiot.” He shook his head in dismay.

That made me furious. “Excuse me!”

“You’re an idiot!” He yelled this time. “Maybe I could communicate better with you, but that’s something that I have to work on.”

Now all I did was get him upset, which wasn’t my intentions. I was furious because I didn’t even know my own feelings. With him ignoring what happened, it set me off. I’m not a confrontational person, but if I said nothing, he wouldn’t have either. It was a confusing mess that I honestly wanted it to be over. I still had to rush outside to meet Cyrus. Any minute now, he’ll get suspicious of my behavior. Jay just didn’t give me satisfying answers.

I looked away with a pout on my face. “It still doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been avoiding it.”

He took his hands out of his pockets, gently grabbing my face. “I am avoiding it, but not because I want to.” There was his soft side coming out again. “I don’t really know what you want me to tell you other than I know what happened.”

He was being truthful, but what the fuck?

“Did it… did it mean anything to you?” I asked him, hoping I’d get the answer I wanted.

Searching my eyes, he sighed. “Why are you trying to bring all these emotions out of me?” He sounded defeated. “If you’re questioning my integrity, then stop it. I’m not that much of an asshole. Things are still processing for me, too.”

Hearing him say that I think I understood what he meant. He did tell me before that when he talked to girls it was to get in their pants. Initially he would barely say words to me and if he did, it was always awkward. Now that we’re passed that it was hard to understand what exactly we were feeling. I couldn’t even describe it and I’ve felt this already with Cyrus. Things were more complicated than that and I should have understood.

Not saying anything, I saw him leaning in for a kiss, but I turned it down. Stepping away from not thrilled with the results. Also, I needed to get down to Cyrus’ car before anything happened that shouldn’t.

Jay rolled his eyes, not pleased by me ignoring his advances. Though that had to be done.

“Really? You kissed him but can’t kiss me?” The jealousy rolled off his tongue so well.

I looked at him, confused about everything still. It didn’t mean I didn’t want to feel his luscious lips on mine, but we couldn’t get carried away. At least not now.

“It’s complicated, Jay.”