Bonus Chapter!- Jay

**~One Year Later~**

It's been a long year but a promising one. Things have changed a lot for me, and I was excited to get to a healthy mindset finally. There was a lot of trauma that I've put off dealing with, and for a long time, that stunted me. It stunted my growth as a man but not anymore. I was a new person. A brand new man, and I knew what I wanted.

Autumn.

Since I left that note in her room, I couldn't stop thinking about her. The primary purpose of my leaving was so that I could be better for her. During our little time together, I realized that I wasn't ready. Getting jealous of her hanging out with Cyrus when I knew he had her first was absurd. I was the one intruding, yet, I couldn't bear the thought of her being with him alone. There was also the fact that I hated being alone. Ever since my mom left me, being alone has been a fear. On top of that, the way I handled our arguments wasn't mature of me.

Not only was I not ready for her, but Cyrus was choosing her, no doubt about it. He still doesn't know about what happened between us. At least, I think he doesn't. I haven't exactly talked to him for a year, either. Sending a text saying I was leaving was the last time I had communicated with him. Seeing them together would have driven me mad and probably still will. However, Autumn was someone I needed to see. She'd probably be mad at me and yell at me in her cute, high-pitched voice when angry. That didn't matter as long as I could see her face, even if it was for a second.

That wasn't the plan today, though. Today I was doing something I never thought I would in my life. I was going to see my father. After being away for so long and growing up, there was no better time than now to confront my dad. He may not want to see me, but that didn't matter. We couldn't spend the rest of our lives avoiding one another. What happened was tragic, but he's still my father. As much as I disliked him, I still loved him. There was no reason not to have a parent just because the other was deceased. It was time to put our problems aside.

Pulling up to the vacation house, I saw his car outside and instantly got chills. It's been years since I've seen him. Has he changed at all? Would he even want to talk to me? Could he even look at me? I probably would remind him of mom, and he'd kick me out. There was no time to waste. I was already here, and this was happening.

Shaking in my sneakers, I pulled out my key to the house, letting myself in. I expected it would be pretty quiet since it was just my dad. The place has looked relatively the same since I've been here. Pictures of mom and I were still up on some of the walls. I'm guessing he didn't stop thinking about me after all. Or he just liked looking at my mom. Either way, it felt strange being in here without her. Especially knowing my dad and I aren't fond of each other. My mom would have wanted this, and that's most important.

As I walked into the house more, I was heading to my dad's office when a kid ran by, startling me. She was cute and looked to be between seven to nine years old. She had curly brown hair that was long, too, and she was running fast. I don't think she even noticed me standing there. Something wasn't adding up.

I heard a sweet voice coming from around the corner, and my soul nearly jumped out of my body.

"Nadia, please, we don't have time for this...oh my." She stopped in her tracks with clothes in her hand like she saw a ghost.

Little did she know, I was staring at her the same way. This lady, this lady looked like my mother. The black curly hair, the blue eyes. The oval-shaped face with soft cheekbones. If I didn't know any better, I'd call her mom without any questions. I knew she wasn't, but still, the resemblance killed me. My heart started aching, but I kept it together. She was probably wondering why I was in her house. Not that I knew this was what I would be walking into.

She continued to look at me in disbelief, but suddenly she was hugging me with tears in her eyes. I was bewildered, not knowing what to do. Should I hug her? Should I push her off me? What the heck was happening? I'd never met this woman in my life, yet here she was, hugging me as if she had known me for years. My head was running a mile a minute.

Finally, she let me go wiping her tears in the process. I was too stunned to say something seeing the little girl, then her. What the hell was my dad up to, and why didn't he tell me?

"I'm so sorry, I'm...I can't believe it's you." She sounded thrilled. "Where are my manners? I'm Clara." She stuck her hand out to me even though she squeezed the shit out of me.

I was still confused but shook her hand anyway. "Um, Jay," was all I could muster to say. "Where's..."

"Your dad, he's just right in his office. Please come, Nadia, you too, missy." She stuck her finger out to the little girl hiding behind the wall.

The girl quickly ran up to her, following behind. She glanced back at me with a smile on her face. I didn't know how to feel until I heard my dad speak. He needed to explain what was going on and why I was in the dark. This was not what I was expecting, and it stunned me. I can't believe my father had a new life without me. Not that I expected him to be miserable, but that's the way he left me. I was sad and alone, yet he was happy and thriving with another woman and some kid.

We got to his office door as Clara knocked on it. I heard him say come in, and when she opened the door, he wore a smile. Until he saw me, and it instantly dropped. Not in a wrong way but more in a shocked manner. It's safe to assume he wasn't happy to see me, but here I was. We needed to talk now more than ever. He had a lot of explaining to do.

"Son," was all he said, utterly flabbergasted.

I gave him a tight-lipped smile and a small wave. "Hi...dad."

The air in the room grew thick. We hadn't talked to each other in so long; what were we supposed to say? There was nothing to talk about aside from mom, which would cause an argument. I wanted to be there for him and to let him know that I wanted a relationship with him, but seeing this was a bit much. Especially knowing he had other people in his life. People that weren't my mom and me.

We stayed silent, looking at each other awkwardly. Clara noticed this and wanted to get as far away as possible.

"I'm going to go check on Jacob; you guys, please chat." She was hoping this would go well, but I doubt it.

Closing the door behind her, my dad and I still looked at each other in silence. My mom would probably scream at us that we needed to get our shit together. We were father and son. Things shouldn't be this way blah, blah, blah. It was a bit ridiculous because we were close before the accident. He used to be my world, someone I looked up to. Now I could barely look him in his tired eyes. However, my mom and Autumn would be proud of me. I could hear them now.

I sat down, looking at him partially in disbelief and partially because I missed him. Believe it or not. He was still my father despite all of our shit. Deep down, we loved each other deeply.

My dad looked at me, astonished. The grey hairs shine throughout the dark parts. I'm unsure what excuses he would use to explain his missing behavior. However, I had to believe he would blame things on me. He did that a lot. Blame his wrongdoings on others because he can't handle the pressure.

Sighing, he averted his eyes, not knowing what to say. "So, what are you doing here?" Someone wasn't happy to see me.

"To see you," I replied. "It's been a while, old man."

He chuckled at my old man's remark. "It has, son. It has."

I tried not to let my anger get the best of me, but I couldn't do anything about my tone of voice. "So, when were you going to tell me about your new family?"

"You want my honest answer?" I nod, "never; it didn't seem like I would have to."

Wow. It was clear that he never intended to talk to me again. He was content with abandoning his son, forgetting that I ever existed. All to start a new family without mentioning I had siblings. Why would he do that? Was this his attempt at hurting me because he thinks I purposefully killed mom? If that were the case, he was a jackass. It's no wonder we weren't fond of each other.

Shaking my head, I didn't want to continue this conversation, but I had no choice. "You didn't think I wanted to know about my siblings? About my supposed step-mom who, if you haven't noticed, looks an awful lot like mom."

He stood up, grabbing a picture off his desk. It was of my mom and me when I was a lot younger. His keeping that picture on his office desk said a lot but nothing at the same time. Whatever he was trying to pull wasn't working. He needed to man up and apologize for abandoning his son. Instead, he would rather bullshit me, so he didn't have to take responsibility. It shouldn't have been shocking, and it wasn't. More like it was frustrating.

"Honestly, son, I didn't think you would want to be a part of this," he sounded sincere. "Truth be told, I couldn't look at you because you remind me of your mother."

"So that means abandon me?" I questioned, getting angrier by the minute. My emotions weren't going to get the best of me.

My dad chuckled, setting the picture down. "I love you, boy, but you know what you did. Why on earth would I want to look at you?" This was the man I knew. "You killed the only woman I ever loved until now."

"You can't possibly be holding that against me still," I said in disbelief. "I didn't kill her."

The fact that he insisted that I was the cause of the accident bothers me. Technically, it was my fault for not paying attention to the road; I didn't purposefully kill her. It's been years now; you would think he would be over it and want to compensate for the lost time. No, that wasn't what he wanted at all. He just wanted to shit on me and expect me to take it like I used to. Those days were not over anymore, and he would not like what I had to say to him.

He put his hands in his pockets, nodding at me. "Then what happened? From my reconciliation, you were driving."

"I was driving, but do you know what we were fighting about?" He shook his head, listening to me carefully. "We were fighting about her leaving your ass because you are everything she was complaining about. A selfish, no responsibility having dickhole! And clearly, nothing changed."

After letting him in on that information, I stormed out of his office and returned to my car. I tried making amends, but it wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it, and I knew my mom would be upset with me, but I couldn't do it. He was impossible to talk to without him blaming me for her death. I've spent a whole year working through that. He wasn't going to drag me back down. It was best if we just stayed away from each other.

Before I could get in my car, Clara came running out in a hurry. She looked desperate to talk to me, so I listened to what she had to say. It was rugged looking at her because she looked so much like mom. In a way, it was comforting just feeling like she was still here but in this woman who looked just as kind as her. Yet it felt so wrong in a weird way. However, I couldn't take my anger out on her because of my dad. She didn't deserve that.

"Please wait, I...I want to apologize," she came running over to me in a hurry. "Your father can be judgemental sometimes, but I would like it if you came around more often." She sounded nervous.

The gesture was nice, but I wasn't keen on the idea. "Clara, you seem great, but I don't know if I fit in."

"Please...I've been asking your father if I could meet you for years now, but he's been so uninterested," she complained. "My daughter was so thrilled to know she has an older brother. Even if you are her step-brother, she also wants to know you. And Jacob is just a baby, but I call him Jay for short because of you."

That shocked me because I didn't know she felt this way. My father was keeping us apart for selfish reasons. It was clear that she wanted to be a part of my life, and it made me feel good inside. This was the part of me that missed my mom being around. I haven't had a parent in eight years. Clara wants to have a place in my life means a lot to me.

She smiled, grabbing my hand in the process. "This has nothing to do with your father but me wanting to know my stepson."

There was nothing more she needed to say as I pulled her in for a hug. This lady was killing me, and I barely knew her. I wasn't opposed to getting to know her or my siblings. Maybe in a perfect world, my father and I would get along, but right now, Clara was enough to make me feel like I have some family again. We were going to build a relationship; my father could suck on that.