Book 2: Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

Miscarriage? A fucking miscarriage! The only way a person has a miscarriage is if someone is pregnant. There was no way that I could have been! I don't get pregnant! I don't want children. They can be cute and cuddly but they're so much work. How the hell could we have let this happen? We haven't done much of anything since we've been back together. My head is spinning.

Jay's eyes widened in shock, confusion, and then horror. My mom didn't seem too worried but she didn't look happy either. Whatever the case, the news wasn't something any of us wanted to hear. I, Autumn, was pregnant with a freaking baby inside of me. This news was unheard of and not what was supposed to happen with my time back in Sunbury. There is always something going on here.

Jay looked at the doctor bewildered. "How...why...I need to lay back down." He was at a loss for words.

I sat up trying to make sense of this situation. "Are you sure? I mean, there has to be  a misunderstanding right?" This felt like a dream.

"I'm afraid not, you were pregnant." He didn't change his stance. "It's very unfortunate and I'm sorry for your loss. We'll keep you here for more one night and then you're free to go."

He walked out leaving us to decipher the news that we'd been delivered. There wasn't anything either of us could say besides wonder how. Why did this have to be something that happened? The loss was tragic but having to explain to people why I was here would be even more tragic. It made me feel bad about drinking. Had I known there wouldn’t have been an alcoholic drink in sight. My biggest concern was telling Cyrus. I'm sure he knew where I was but he didn't know why. What was he going to think?

My mom stands up looking at the both of us. I couldn't tell if she was disappointed but she was feeling something. "There's no need to worry. You're both adults and the situation has handled itself." Her voice was calm. "Were you guys not using protection?"

"Yes, of course," I say. "We would use it but we haven't done anything except—"

"It happened on that night," Jay cut me off. "It's the only explanation." He sits up looking at me.

Thinking, my mind was blown at the realization. "We didn't use anything that night did we?" I asked him.

His head shakes. "Not a thing." He thinks for a minute. "Unless...did you and Cyrus ever..."

My head immediately shakes. I may not remember us using a condom or not, but if one thing is for sure; it's that Cyrus and I have not done anything like that. We never went further than we did since Penshaw. I've been very adamant about that and was sticking to it. However, that made matters worse as he'll realize that and wonder who else could've gotten me pregnant. The situation was shitty all around and only solidified us having to tell Cyrus the truth sooner rather than later.

Maybe it was for the best that this happened. Jay and I couldn't keep having this secret forever. Cyrus was going to find out eventually what had been going on. This isn't how I wanted to tell him, but now there was no avoiding it. Jay realized that as well, looking to the ground. His mind is sure to be racing imagining Cyrus's reaction. Nothing good was going to come from this concerning their friendship. It was as good as dead. Especially knowing there could have been a baby in the mix. What were we thinking?

Either way, my mom walked over to me kissing my head. She didn't know the predicament Jay and I were in. There was more than just getting me pregnant. This was more than a simple baby. Friendships and relationships were on the brink of being destroyed. Yet my mom was none the wiser. All she was concerned about was me being okay and us being more responsible. She had no idea of the true implications of our actions.

"I'm going to go let Summer and Jeremy know that you're ok," she says. "Make sure to come by the house tomorrow when you're out of here."

I look up at her and nod. "Okay, mom." That is all I could manage to get out.

Jay said goodbye to her as well, coming back to sit next to me. The room filled with absolute silence apart from the few beeps coming from the heart monitor. We didn't know what to say about the mess or to each other. How were we going to go about telling everyone the news? Cyrus wasn't going to want to see either of us afterward. What was going to happen with the wedding? There's no way Cyrus would keep Jay on as his best man after this. The hatred he would feel is going to be catastrophic.

Still, there wasn't anything we could do to avoid it. Instead of dwelling on it too much, Jay came over to me. Sliding over, I made room for him to come on the bed. We wrapped up together sighing away the nerves. My heart was aching thinking about the mess that was to come. So much so that, my hand grabbed at Jay's shirt while I cried. And I mean I cried hard. You never know how something feels until reality smacks you in the face. This was reality and we were about to face it.

Jay stroked my hair squeezing me tightly. He didn't say a word to me as I let out my emotions. I'm sure he was feeling what I was too but he didn't show it through tears. Instead, he stayed calm, comforting me the best way that he could. A lot of that emotion was stemming from losing Cyrus. However, there was also part of me that was upset about something else. Even though I wasn't ready, the loss didn't hurt any less.

My tears slowing down, I wiped my face keeping my head on his chest. "Jay, can I be honest?" I asked him before telling him my feelings.

"You can always be honest with me gorgeous," he kept his tone light.

Sighing, I clutched on him tighter. "Every part of me is screaming that I wasn't ready. But, I can't help but feel guilty about losing our child," I explain. "All the partying...all the drinking. If I had known then—"

"That's just it, you didn't know meaning it's not your fault that this happened." He stops me. "Don't blame yourself, Autumn. There's been so much going on. The stress alone could've caused this as well."

I bit my lip, still feeling a great deal of fault for the matter. "But our baby...they're gone."

It was all I could think about. As much as I didn't want one, the hurt wouldn't go away. We didn't need a baby to represent our love but it would've been nice to see. The future we could've created together. The life we could have brought our child would have been amazing. There's no doubt that they would've been so cute and so loved. Regardless of us not being ready, we would have taken care of that kid and loved every part of them.

Jay didn't want me to get too caught up in that though. Of course, he felt my sentiments but he didn't want to feel so upset. After all, we could have another when we felt like it.

"A, don't worry. Neither of us was ready for it."
He lifts my head toward him. "Besides, I'm positive that when the time is right we'll have a beautiful family and you'll be a fantastic mother." He smiles.

My heart warmed. "You think so?" I smiled back. "You're not upset?"

He shakes his head. "My concern was you being ok," he admits.

"You were so worried...I'm sorry," I apologize.

He chuckled. "Don't be. I just...have lingering abandonment issues since my mom died and my dad left me alone." His shoulders shrug.

It makes sense why he was so concerned. I'm not surprised that he has those sorts of issues. The whole situation was traumatizing for Jay. I promised him I wouldn't leave him and it must have felt like that was exactly happening. I'm thankful to have made it out of this okay. My soul wouldn't have rested knowing I left him distraught. Hell, who knows if he would have even survived himself after that? The most important thing was that we were here together.

Still, it prompted me to ask him another question. "Are you seeing anyone for it?" I wondered.

"No, but I will be soon. My dad recommended someone for me." He rolls his eyes. "I'm not excited about it but self-help can only get me so far. Now after this, I'll need a professional."

That only made me feel even worse. "Oh, Jay..." I trail off.

He wouldn't let me feel bad though. Instead, he pulled me back into his chest hugging me gently. "Don't you dare feel bad about this? I had these problems before I met you," he reassured me. "The only thing you do is make me want to solve them."

I sighed, squeezing him back. "I love you."

That was all I could say to him in this situation. Understanding everything he's done thus far has been to be with me was gut-wrenching. Especially knowing that I didn't ask him to change. He chose that on his own and hasn't looked back since. Despite not seeing a professional, Jay has been in a good spot. No one can be level headed everyday but Jay did a good job at keeping his emotions in check. A lot better than me that's for sure.

But I wasn't going to keep stressing about it. Shit happens and unfortunately, this happened to us. The troubling part was telling Cyrus. Neither of us was ready for his turbulent reaction to the news that we'd been fucking. Not only that, but he was my boyfriend as well. We were in love with one another and I doubt Cyrus is going to want to hear that. He wouldn't even understand. The fight we were avoiding was as long overdue. It was time.