Chapter 56

Chapter 56

When I got to the room I was staying in, I was pleasantly surprised to see Jay standing there. He hadn't talked to me all day so it was strange seeing him here. How did he even know this was my room? There was something important he wanted if he was waiting for me in here. We needed to figure our shit out. Being awkward around each other this weekend was not going to be fun for either of us. 

Stepping a little closer to me, Jay looked nervous but spoke to me anyway. "Hey, can we talk?" His voice was light and nervous-like. 

Nodding, I smiled lightly to show him I was present with him. "Yeah, what's up?" 

"Not here, you may want to put something on really quick." He said fidgeting with himself. Why so nervous? 

Listening to him, I slipped on my sweats and a sweater before heading out with him. We walked pretty far through some trees which scared me. I wasn't sure where he was taking me and there was nothing familiar looking to me. Of course, there wouldn't be since this was my first time here. It felt like a scene out of a horror movie where the killer leads you through the woods and then snaps your neck. Jay wouldn't do that to me, but it was strange we were walking so far away. 

Much to my relief, we came to an absolutely beautiful clearing. It looked over the entire city that was lit up nicely. I wasn't going to get too close to the edge but beautiful nonetheless. Jay seemed to like it just as much, the smile on his face was priceless. The way he was looking out at the clearing calmed him in a way. His mind wasn't racing at all. He was very relaxed with cheerful spirits. Why did he want to come here and talk?

"Wow, this is beautiful." I smiled to myself. 

Jay walked over to a tree looking at it intently. "Cyrus and I would come here all the time when our parents vacationed out here." He started to tell me. "Just to get away from the adults we even craved our names right in this tree. Setting up our friendship for the rest of our lives." 

"Definition of best friends." I giggle a little. 

He turned back around towards me laughing as well. "We mainly came here just to scream at the top of our lungs. It helped to release anything bothering us." The next thing I know, he was screaming. "AHHHHHH!" 

I was so caught off guard I didn't know how to respond. It was not expected to hear him scream like that. It sounded like he needed that badly. He does look a little stressed out lately as he should be. We did something that wasn't easy to forget about. A brand new set of feelings were in the mix. Neither of us knew how to handle them and we certainly didn't communicate in the best of ways either. The screaming was sounding like a great idea right about now. 

Debating, I finally let go and screamed as loud as I could. It felt great releasing all that negative energy I've been feeling. All this confusion and frustration was building up bringing me down in the process. Jay didn't know how much he meant to me. It was killing me that I couldn't act how I wanted to around him because of so many other things going on. Things were so delicate between us, where do we even begin? 

"I wasn't ignoring everything purposefully, A." He stated calmly. 

I pouted on the fence with this whole thing. "It's not whether you ignored it or not. It feels like you just wanted that and sent me away." I was upset. "As I asked, did you even feel any-"

"Of course, I felt something!" He raised his voice at me looking me dead in the eyes. "It felt like I had the world in my hands just from holding you." His voice was shaky. 

I can tell he was feeling all sorts of things. The tone of his voice had so much emotion behind it that I couldn't say anything back to him. My heart was aching listening to him speak. He sounded so distraught but he wanted to get his point across at the same time. Communicating was not his thing and it was evident by the way he kept so much to himself. Getting him to talk about anything was hard. It's like he rather keep his emotions to himself than share his feelings. I was tugging at those heartstrings though. Slowly but surely. 

I started to get nervous because I didn't know how to respond. "So why exactly were you pretending nothing happened? There has to be an exact reason." I wasn't letting it go. I didn't want him to be using me. He wasn't exactly a saint when it came to women. 

"Because I feel guilty!" He got even more upset. "I feel guilty for fucking my best friend's potential girlfriend and you know what makes it worse?" 

I shook my head. 

"I don't regret it. I don't regret a single fucking thing." He started walking towards me while I walked back. "After all of this, I may lose my best friend." 

"Jay..." 

"He'll probably hate me for the rest of his life." He continued to walk towards me slowly. 

He was making me nervous. "Jay, what are you doing?" I kept asking questions listening to what he was saying. 

"But..." He cupped my face gently pushing me against a tree. "None of that matters when I have you. You've become so important to me that my emotions spiral out of control when you're around." 

His voice went back to being calm as his fingers rubbed against my cheeks. The way he was looking at me I could tell that he was feeling all sorts of things. Reading his eyes I saw how much this moment meant to him. With everything on the line, he was willing to risk it all for me. If that didn't show me he felt something that day, I don't know what else would. Even though he hated it, he couldn't help but bring his sensitive side out whenever we were together. It's like I was his weakness or something. 

"Do you know how jealous I was watching you kiss him? My friend and I was jealous of him. It angered me so much that you wouldn't kiss me that night." He was being honest and I loved it.

I smiled sweetly at him. "Were you?" I don't know why it made me happy to hear that but it did. 

"Yes, Autumn very much." He gave me his smirk finally. "This is going to sound strange but can I...can I kiss you?" 

He's right it was strange he was asking me but adorable nonetheless. 

I nod my head in anticipation. "Of course, you can." 

As soon as I permitted him, his lips made contact with mine slowly and sweetly. The way his hands cupped my face made my cheeks warm. The kiss was different from the last time. This time I can feel the emotion he was trying to convey to me with words. Only this way was better for me to pick up on. Everything he was feeling, I was feeling as well not wanting him to stop. I realized why I was so attracted to him in the first place. His spontaneous ways made me fall for him in a way I couldn't explain. You never knew what you were getting when it came to Jay. Every day was a new day with him and I loved that. You could never get bored with him and if we were able to stay like this all night, I would. 

We broke the kiss, his thumb still caressing my cheek. We rested our foreheads against one another catching our breath in the process. I wrapped my hands around his neck pulling him down to kiss me some more. Of course, he started to laugh throughout the whole ordeal making me giggle as well. I'm not sure what was funny, but it always felt great to see him laughing. It at least let me know we were going to be ok. 

Still laughing, he shook his head looking down at me sweetly. "I don't know if I'll ever have a chance with you, but you bring out the best in me." 

I rolled my eyes not agreeing with his statement. "No, I don't do that Jay. You're naturally the person you try to hide." I say not willing to take credit for that. 

"You think so?" He wasn't even sure of himself. I blame his father. 

"If you weren't I wouldn't be here right now. But I like you so damn much I can't seem to stay away." I admit not thinking I ever would say this to him. 

That got him going. "Oh, someone can't get enough of me?" He played coy. 

Rolling my eyes, I pushed him away walking back to the house. He laughed running behind me to catch up. 

"Come on, A, I was only joking!" He called out to me still laughing. 

I know he was joking but it was getting late and we needed to get back to the house. Plus, I was getting tired although it was nice getting to see the clearing. I'm grateful he took me there and that we got to finally speak to each other. There wasn't anything we can do to avoid any other consequences that came with seeing each other. I also didn't have a clear-cut answer on what I wanted to do between the both of them. They both had qualities that the other didn't that I loved. It sucked we couldn't mash them together then we wouldn't be having this issue to begin with. 

As it stood, I was head over heels for two guys and there was no way to fix it.