Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Why did they have to have such a huge house? Looking all over for this guy was already so exhausting. It didn't help that I didn't really know my way around and it's been four weeks at this point. If the matter weren't important, I wouldn't even be looking for him. But it was in both of our best interests if we solved this problem right away. Even though I wasn't on the best terms with him, there was no way he shouldn't know about this. Kind of was his fault since he didn't listen to me but what do I know?

Feeling tired, I stopped my search briefly to get a drink of water and when I did of course he'd be right in the kitchen. Somewhere I wouldn't have even guessed to look. I was not happy to see him though he was surprised to see me. I know my purpose for searching for him was important, but I couldn't get it out of my head what happened on our date. The stupid argument really put a damper on everything we worked towards. Normally I would be excited to see him. However, all I felt was disgust. God, I didn't even want to look at him that's how angry I still felt. It was a bit ridiculous, but could you really blame me? The things he said really hurt my feelings and who knows if we could ever recover from it?

Seeing that I wasn't going to speak to him first, Cyrus looked at me trying to figure out exactly what to say. Knowing how things turned out last time, he was trying to be extra careful about what came out of his mouth. Something I wish he would have thought about beforehand. Then we wouldn't even be in this awkward position like we're in right now. Him looking at me I could tell he felt remorse for what happened and wanted to make it better. But how could he if he didn't even know what to say? Leaving us in this very draining silence.

I grabbed my water and was gearing to walk out because I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. Before I could go, of course he stopped me in my tracks. His eyes looking desperate for me to listen to him. I did have to tell him some vital information so out of my own will, I stayed and listened to what he had to say.

"Can we please talk, Autumn? The way Saturday happened...the way you walked away from me...it wasn't supposed to be like that." He fumbled around not knowing what to say but saying it anyway.

Sighing, I crossed my arms not wanting to listen to his pathetic attempt at an apology. "Then what was it supposed to be like Cyrus? You sure seemed confident in your words. Why not just leave it at that?" I questioned the disdain in my voice becoming quite evident.

He frowned a little bit wishing I would be more open to listening to him. "Because I didn't want to hurt you. That wasn't my intentions, and you know it!" He raised his voice a little bit, but I wasn't buying what he was selling.

I scoffed, shaking my head at his bullshit. "I don't think I know anything about you. Truly, you aren't who I thought you were."

"But I am, Autumn, that person was just talking out of his ass." He said, "I was in no way trying to offend you. I was merely telling you what I wanted to do because..." he stopped himself midway looking away from me. "Look, I'm really sorry, A."

His apology was truly meaningless. It's like he didn't even know what an apology was. The fact that he couldn't figure out what to say felt like he didn't mean it. Did he want to talk to me again? Sure. Did he miss our time together? Of course, I missed our time together as well but the way he tried to apologize to me was not it. All he said was sorry. Which, thanks, I appreciate it but what was a sorry going to do? It didn't change the fact that he still said what he said, and it doesn't even seem like he understands why I'm truly upset with him. He called people that I work with, and for, the help. It was disgusting and immoral. Something that was going to take a little more than a sorry to forgive him.

He genuinely seems like he didn't want to hurt me and that I can say wholeheartedly. He was just ignorant thanks to who raised him. I must remember he grew up royalty where I grew up decently until later years where I needed to work. He doesn't get the need for how things are when you aren't from money because that's all he's known. He has a whole competition about him finding love! Things that should be something to experience without the help of mommy and daddy. It still wasn't enough for me to automatically forgive him.

I wasn't even going to acknowledge the apology because there was no point in it. I was going to tell him what I wanted to tell him in the first place. That was honestly more important than whatever this shit show was. There was no time to dwell on it now though.

"Anyway, Jenna knows." Was all I said giving no attention to his horrible attempt to make things right.

He looked at me confused about what I was saying. "Jenna knows what?" He asked trying to get a clear understanding.

"She knows about our late-night meet ups that I told you were a bad idea." I say, eyeing him intently.

His face dropped and he face palmed himself. "She's so fucking nosey. Don't worry, I'll handle it." That was all he could say leaving it at that.

I'm not sure what I was expecting him to say. There really isn't much he could do other than to keep her quiet. She didn't exactly give me a run down on what she planned to use this information for. The only thing she said was the competition was now in her hands which it already felt like that anyway. The way Farah favors her it's not like she didn't have full control anyway. I was expecting more of a fight from him, or my judgement is just clouded because of my anger towards him right now. Either way, I did what I needed to do and now I was going to walk away from him.

Without saying another word, I almost made my way out of the kitchen when he grabbed my wrist. My heart stopped taking in the warmth from his simple touch. He was so gentle like he always was to me. That comforting feeling, I always get was so refreshing to feel. Even though I was beyond pissed at him, I couldn't deny the confusing feelings he seems to make me feel. Making it twenty times harder to walk away.

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" His voice was soft with a hint of sadness lingering behind it.

I sighed not daring to look at him or I'll cave. "I'm not sure, Cyrus." That was all I could say to him. I couldn't think of anything else.

He squeezed my wrist tighter not wanting me to leave. "How can I make you sure?" He asked me. "I'll do anything."

Turning my head, I looked at him seeing the hurt in his eyes. I'm not going to lie it killed me seeing him like this. Was I being too harsh? Did he take anything away from that argument? What would be the point in forgiving him if he hadn't learned something from it? There was nothing more that I wanted than to continue to build our relationship. But we can't do that when he can barely understand where I'm coming from. Sexually, we connect on all levels. But that's as far as it goes. We need more than just lust. I want him to dig deep inside my mind. Actually, feel me on an emotional level. Understanding my life and how I grew up was completely different from him. However, he didn't seem interested in that and that's what we were lacking.

I freed my wrist from his grip feeling the sadness he felt as well. "If you can't figure out what went wrong then we clearly need to end this here."

"But...I can't accept that, Autumn." He shook his head not listening to anything I was saying.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean you can't accept it?" I ask. "There is no negotiating, Cyrus. I didn't give you that option."

Cyrus snapped his head at me this time with determination in his eyes. "I can't accept it because I simply cannot let you go." He states firmly. "For the first time in my life, I have some control. Control where no one gets to choose my happiness. For once the decision is mine to make. Did I fuck up and say some shit I shouldn't have? Yes, it was dumb on my part. It was especially dumb to expect you to not get mad." He stepped closer to me, his hands cupping my face looking directly into my eyes. "I apologize for that, I truly do. I promise to do better and to get out of this headspace that unfortunately is all I know. But if I let you walk away, that would be the dumbest decision I ever made."

This time his apology was sincere, and he was open and honest with me. Well, as honest as he'll ever be right now but it didn't go unnoticed. It stunned me. The attraction he had for me was more than artificial. He placed his affection on me because no one was forcing him to. That was something he decided on his own which is why it was eating him up inside. He just always had to make things difficult.

Haven't not said anything, he got this worried expression on his face. Without saying a word, I gently pulled his face down to mine connecting our lips together. Passionately, I kissed him creating tingles throughout my body. When he snapped out of the state of shock, he kissed me back with so much force and hunger. His hands grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to him as much as he could. My fingers found their way through his wavy hair enjoying the softness as we continued amplifying our lust for each other.

Slowly his hands moved down to my ass grabbing it gently catching me by surprise that I squealed. He laughed lifting me up carrying me over to the countertop. I wrapped my legs around him as we both smiled, our foreheads touching.

"Hey mister, we have to be careful." I whispered, hoping no one saw us.

He shrugged his shoulders pecking my lips again. "Fuck that, I want them to see." He bit his lip, and it was the sexiest thing I felt like I ever saw. I know it wasn't but damn.

I giggled, shaking my head at him. "Cyrus, seriously. Jenna is already on our case." I reason with him.

He sighed frustrated with the whole thing. "Urh, I know. At least see me tomorrow night." He said not really worried about Jenna.

"Why not tonight?" I wondered. Tonight, would be so much better.

"Business sweetie. Plus, I want to make up our date that went horribly wrong Saturday." He winked at me. "It's going to take a little more preparation than a few hours."

I pouted but was excited about what he had planned. "What should I wear?" I continued to whisper just in case Jenna was nearby.

He thought for a moment before smiling happily. "Something warm, but not too warm. I'll have Jeremy escort you to the meeting place." He kissed my forehead making me blush. "I have to go before I get in trouble. I'll see you tomorrow night, precious."

With that he was gone leaving me sitting on the counter excited, nervous, and a little embarrassed that I forgave him so quickly. Nevertheless, Cyrus was someone slowly becoming important to me. There was no way I could not talk to him. Now let's hope he starts making changes to himself.