Book 2: Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

Seeing as Jay and I weren't invited to the luncheon, I found myself in Jay's living room staring blankly at the fireplace. My heart was broken after the events still. From learning I had a miscarriage to losing Cyrus. My head was swirling around wondering how I ended up in this mess. Never would anyone imagine that someone like me would have two guys arguing over their feelings about them. It was insane and someone ended up hurt because of it. Where did I ever go wrong?

Despite that, my mind is also occupied with thoughts of almost being a mother. I've never thought about it much, but having kids was not on my radar at the moment. I'm barely able to commit to moving in with Jay and we almost had a kid. Thankfully, my mom wasn't too upset about me getting pregnant so suddenly but she wasn't thrilled either. The main thing was that I was physically okay. Mentally, not so much.

Speaking of which, Jay has been rather distant these last two days. In the moment, he didn’t show his emotions but now, it all started to hit him. He lost his best friend and though he still had some of the others, no one was going to be able to replace Cyrus. He's been trying to keep himself busy by going out for runs more frequently. When he's not running or spending time in the gym, he's locked up in his room. Both of us were shells of what we were before the blowout. Could our relationship also be in jeopardy?

Before I could get worked up about it, Jay came walking through the door drenched in sweat. This was the first time in two days that we've made eye contact with one another. There seemed to be life in those ocean-like orbs for once. Maybe he was just in a funk, but whatever it was seemed to be over. At least for now.

"Get dressed and pack a bag in 30 minutes," he says before walking to his room.

I stand up to follow him utterly confused. "What do you mean 30 minutes?" That was not enough time. "And where are we going?"

He turns the shower on to jump rather quickly. "Don't worry about it just do what I said." He was stern. Not once has he ever talked to me like that before.

My mind was racing but I didn't want to argue about it. Instead, I threw some things in a bag and put on jeans with a T-shirt. Rummaging through my clothes, I ended up finding the bracelet Cyrus bought for me. My heart sank staring at it. He was so upset that I wasn't wearing it that he was going to buy me a new one. Even though he wasn't talking to me I couldn't get rid of it. Instead, I put it on my wrist grasping onto the last connection we had together. There's no way we would get that back again.

Jay got out of the shower quickly, throwing things in his bag before getting dressed. Within the time frame he gave me, we were both dressed and headed out to his car. He was still silent on where we were going. I didn't bother asking him either as we rode together in silence. It was awkward. Like I've said, for the past two days Jay has been distant. Now that he was finally taking me somewhere...I didn't know how to act. This shouldn't have been hard since we weren't at odds. We just didn't speak.

After minutes of driving, Jay pulled into the parking lot of another gigantic house. It looked beautiful and well-kept. The grass was bright green and there was a gate going around the estate. This was Hadid level of artistry that one has to be extremely rich to own. I'm unsure of what his reasons for coming here were but this was beautiful! I couldn't wait to see the inside of it. Though, questions still needed to be answered before then.

Looking over at him, he shuts the engine off staring back at me. "What is this? Why are we here?" I wonder.

He sighs leaning back in his seat. "A, we've been pretty um...not connected since the confrontation," he finally admits.

I smile, looking to joke with him. "Oh, so your solution is to go to an even bigger house." My arms crossed.

That made him chuckle. "Not my first thought, no." He says. "I did, however, think we could use a small getaway. This is my dad and stepmom's second home."

It was magnificent but how many homes did someone need to own? I get having a house and then a vacation home. But a third one was a bit much. What did they even use this beautiful house for anyway? Surely they weren't here nearly enough to live in. The outside alone looked immaculate so someone had to be taking care of the place. None of that explained why Jay so suddenly wanted to come here though.

Nodding, I sighed wanting to get into some tough questions before embracing their beautiful home. There was so much going on and I realized I never asked him how he felt about everything. Like truly made sure that he was okay. The situation was hard on me. There's no doubt that it wasn't hard for Jay as well.

"Jason...are you alright? I mean...with everything." My voice was soft as I asked him.

He stared at me for a second before looking away. "Truthfully, no," he was honest. "I lost my very best friend and a baby. That's a lot to think about."

I agreed. "A baby..." I trail off. "We were going to be parents Jay." The reality finally settled in.

"I would've been a dad," Jay sounded petrified by that idea.

"And me a mom," I added.

The silence hit again as we both processed what would have been had things not happened. We were going to be parents before moving in together. Before getting married. That was such a huge jump from girlfriend that I was not ready for it in the slightest. From the sounds of it, Jay wasn't either as he looked out the window blankly. That wasn't the news we expected to hear from the doctor, but that's what happens when you aren't using protection. However, there's still that risk even when you do.

As much as we loved each other, having a kid was not on our agenda. We just started officially dating not too long ago. Adding a child into the mix was not ideal in this situation. Not yet anyway. Maybe sometime in the future, we could revisit this, but for now, I'm glad we didn't have one.

Grabbing my hand, Jay lightly squeezed as a feeling rushed throughout my body. He has not touched me in any way in a while. It shocked me that he took the time to make a gesture my way even if it were little. The softness of his lips connecting with my knuckles made my cheeks flush. The distance that was created between us felt like it broke. Jay didn't want to be this way toward me. He brought me here so that we can build our closeness once more.

"I'm sorry for shutting myself off from you gorgeous," he apologizes with a soft look on his face.

I gulped, clutching his hand tightly. "Jay, don't apologize," I tell him.

He wouldn't listen though. "I have to A. The ordeal was a lot but that doesn't mean I have to sacrifice our relationship too." Then his face fell again. "You do still want to be with me right?"

That was such a loaded question that left me speechless for a second. Not because I didn't want to be with him but because I wasn't expecting him to ask me that. I'm not sure what made him think I would want to end our relationship. Maybe because Cyrus was with me before he was. After losing him the only way to get him back would be to end what Jay and I have. Listening to my mom and Ashton, that task would be impossible. Jay has shown me he's willing to go to the ends of the earth to love me. I missed Cyrus so much but I wasn't losing Jay over it.

I laugh because he was silly to think that. "Of course, I still want to be with you, Jay." My lips curve into a smile. "Our love is stronger than you may think."

That got him to smirk as his hand moved up to my face. Leaning over, Jay kissed me softly and passionately. It's only been a couple of days but this was perfect. I waited for him to embrace me like this for days. He's been so stuck in his head that he couldn't even look at me. Now, that all changed. It was going to take some time to adjust, but even with him losing yet another person, Jay's love for me was unmatched. Nothing was ever going to change that.

Parting lips, his thumb caressed my cheek as he smiled at me brightly. "I love you so much my gorgeous girl," he cooed.

My fingers glide through his hair while smiling back at him. "I love you too Jay," I echoed back. "Forever."

That lit him up as he pulled me into him once more. My head rested on his chest taking in the sounds of his heart beating. We were made for each other that much was for certain. Everything we've been through together. All the tears we shed with one another. Our hearts were connected in a way that no one else would understand. Jay was my everything and then some. This weekend getaway was just what we needed to get back on the right track. There was only one more week before this wedding came to an end. We may as well make the most of our time together.

Stroking my hair, Jay chuckled one last time before leaving me with a compliment that only he could leave me with.

"By the way, you would have been the sexiest mom alive." He winked at me.

Looking up at him, I laugh at his silliness. "You're such a flatterer." My eyes roll playfully.

Jay laughed with me. "Just making up for the days I missed complimenting you."

We shared one more kiss before finally getting out of the car. This trip was sure to be relaxing and leave it to Jay to plan things. He always went above and beyond to make sure our relationship was intact. He was simply the greatest.