Book 2: Chapter 43

***Chapter 43***

It was sad leaving Penshaw that next morning, but the trip was a lot better than expected. Cyrus and I got to relax without having to think about Sunbury. Coming back made me worry we were going to go back to how our relationship has been. A long time of arguing and awkwardness. It’s the last thing I wanted, but I couldn’t predict the future. Cyrus has every right to suspect the things he’s curious about. Sometimes I wish we could just be like we were in Penshaw.

We made it back to Sunbury around mid afternoon. Cyrus drove me to Jay’s, holding my hand the whole way. The car ride was abundantly silent as I stared out the window. My mind was racing, thinking about what was going to happen to us now. Every time we enjoyed something good, the bad follows right after. What was going to be our bad this time? Maybe it’ll be nothing if I stop thinking negatively. It’s hard not to with the life I’m living.

Getting to Jays, Cyrus pulls into the parking lot before stopping. I squeeze his hand a little tighter, not wanting to let go. As much as I missed Jay, I’d give anything for us to just go back to Penshaw. The reality was setting in that everyday won’t be as amazing as that was. Not only did I have my misgivings in my head, but it was also harder to spend any time with him, given the circumstances. Though, Penshaw gave both Cyrus and I a lot more perspective.

Looking at my face, Cyrus put on this gentle smile as he held my hand closer. “Don’t worry, I’m thinking the same thing you are,” he said, kissing my knuckles.

I turn toward him with a somber expression. “Let’s just go back, forget about Sunbury,” I joke.

He chuckled. “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” he agreed. “However, we don’t want to lose the speciality of our getaway.”

I sighed. “I guess you’re right,” I pout. “It’s just we haven’t exactly been in the best place since I’ve been back.”

All the arguing and fighting we’ve done over the course of 4 weeks really drains a person. Seeing that our relationship doesn’t have to be filled with disagreement made me feel hopeful for the future. Like we’ll finally be able to get that spark back that we’ve been missing for so long. It’s a shame the trip may have been worth nothing if we fall right back to old habits.

Cyrus understood and didn’t promise me anything except for one thing. “No matter what, I’ll always love you.” He says confidently.

That made me smile brightly. “I love you too, Cyrus, always,” I say before he plants one on me.

Just like last night, his lips were soft and inviting. Being here in this moment made me never want to leave. The reality of it all is that he’ll have to be more affectionate with Jenna, much to my dismay. It’s the only way to get both her and Farah off my back. While also keeping Farah’s big mouth closed about Jay and I. It wouldn’t play out the way I was hoping, but even for just awhile will do.

Stalling aside, we say goodbye before I get out of his car. It was sad seeing him go, but I knew I’d see him soon. Maybe not alone, but soon either way. What I wasn’t expecting when I walked into Jay’s house petrified me. Though, I tried to mask my emotions as best as I could. I just got back from an awesome trip, for crying out loud. It didn’t stop me from wondering what the hell she was doing there.

Walking through the door, I heard a slight laugh that instantly told me it was Jay. The other voice drove me into madness. The smile on my face instantly dropped when I heard it. Kameron was here, and she was here with Jay, who was laughing with her. I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn’t help it. Jay told me there was nothing to worry about, but how could I be so sure? They’ve been spending a lot of time together whenever I’m not around. Who knows what they’re up to?

Not getting too far ahead of myself, I walk into the kitchen where I hear the laughter coming from. They’re a lot of feet apart, but it still didn’t make me happy she was here. Not only was she here, but Jay looked happy to see her, too. There’s no telling what they were talking about. The only thing I could hear was them laughing and now Kameron was giving this devious grin.

The look on Jay’s face was always nice to see, as he looked excited to see me back home. He didn’t hesitate to run up and hug me as tight as he could. The love I always feel from him never missed a beat. It’s safe to say I missed him too, but it still didn’t explain why Kameron was here.

In the middle of our hug, Kameron stood up, gathering her things. “Well, I guess I better get going,” she says, smirking at me. “It was great spending so much time with you, Jay. We’ll have to do it again sometime.” Now she was taunting me.

“Try not to let the door hit you on the way out,” I say with a smile. “It’s quite slippery.”

She rolled her eyes before leaving. Jay looked at me like I was being stupid. I knew I was and I shouldn’t have let her get to me. Anytime I see them together, all senses go out the window. Ever since she told me what her game plan was, I’ve been on edge anytime she’s around either of them. Mainly Jay because technically he wasn’t the one getting married. There’s also the fact that I haven’t seen her try anything with Cyrus. Her focus has been Jay, and it drove me insane.

Jay still laughed, giving me those eyes. “Was that necessary?” He questioned, amused by my nonsense.

I shrugged. “What? I was simply giving her a friendly warning.” I smile.

He laughed again. “That’s bullshit, and we both know it.” He always called my bluff.

My eyes roll. “Maybe, but I can’t help but ask…what was she doing here?”

Things fell silent, as he didn’t look like he wanted to answer. More like he didn’t know how to answer that question. I would not be upset or angry if something happened. All I wanted to do was know, so I’m able to process it and move on. Jay never wanting to tell me things when he was with her made me feel like he was doing something he didn’t want me to know.

Still, I had to trust him, right? He would have never asked me to be his girlfriend if he wanted to do something like that. Jay was a lot of things, but he wasn’t some sleaze trying to sleep with everything that walked. The only thing I couldn’t figure out was what he was up to. It had to be something important if he was using Kameron.

Jay wrapped me in his arms, pulling me close to him. His smile was big as he looked down at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I missed those so much.
“That’s a secret I can’t tell you yet,” he says. “But the good news is I’m almost done.”

That didn’t make me feel any better. “This secret better be fucking amazing then,” I joke. Sort of.

He laughed. “It will be. I would never lie to you.” He reassures me.

“Then tell me what you’re up to,” I say, turning the tables on him.

For a minute there he looked stumped, but caught on to what I was doing. My mind was curious to know why he needed to be around her so much. He said he didn’t care for her yet was always talking to her. They were hanging out a lot more often than usual. I guess that was my insecurity shining through. It’s hard not to be when you’re dating someone like Jay.

“A, you’re doing it again,” he says, squeezing me.

I look down, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be jealous,” I apologize.

He smiles, understanding all my feelings. “Just as long as you know you’re my one and only,” he kisses my forehead.

That made me blush, hugging him as I hadn’t hugged him back earlier. His sweet scent taking over my nostrils. Despite Kameron being here, it was great to see Jay again. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until now. My mind was so fixated on Kameron being here that I didn’t take the time to appreciate Jason. I’m sure he missed me just as much as I missed him. My feelings needed to get under control.

After minutes of hugging him, Jay helped me unpack my things upstairs. I was feeling better about being back home. Getting that situation out of my mind, there was plenty I had to be excited about. For starters, Jeremy still had an engagement he needed to plan for. The bachelorette party was this weekend too, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. The weeks were ending, but there was still lots of fun to be had. It almost canceled out everything else that was going on.

Once I was finally settled, Jay decided he wanted to know how my trip went. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem answering. Cyrus and I did a little more than I was expecting to do. As far as the physical contact between us goes. How do I say this without bringing that up? I didn’t want to put Jay in an awkward position. Especially not after I was losing my shit over Kameron. Talk about a hypocrite much.

We sat on his bed as he avoided eye contact with me. “I’m assuming your trip went well since you came back in good spirits.” That was his way of asking.

I nod in agreement. “It’s amazing what 2 days can do for a person.” I didn’t want to go into too many details.

Jay wanted them, though. “What exactly did you do?” He wondered, still avoiding eye contact with me. His voice and demeanor changed completely when he asked me.

I pursed my lips, planning to avoid any sex talk. “Well, he took me on this beautiful dinner cruise that toured around the city,” I say. “Then the next day we walked around town and enjoyed some freshly baked croissants that were delightful.”

He didn’t seem satisfied with either of those answers. I was trying to avoid going into detail. Like how Cyrus and I couldn’t stop kissing. Or how I’m the one who started the sexual interaction between us. It’s not something a girlfriend should do with someone who’s not their significant other. However, Jay gave me the all clear. It didn’t make me feel any better about it, nor made me want to talk about it. At least not with him, anyway. It just made things very awkward and me the bad guy.

Jay paused, fiddling with his fingers. “Did anything…umm…happen while you guys were there?” He asked nervously.

I gulped, not wanting to answer this question. “I-I don’t know what you want me to say,” I stutter. “If something happened, it’s not the way you think.”

He looked at me, confused. “What do you mean?” His mind wondered.

“Well…fingers and hands were the only thing involved,” I explain. “That’s what I mean.” I figured I’d be honest.

Jay nods. “So, no real penetration, then?” He sounded relieved when he heard that.

I also nod my head, feeling better about being honest. It’s great that I told him and didn’t keep it hidden. He told me he wanted me to keep pursuing Cyrus and, unfortunately, this is what may or may not happen when I see him. It’s hard controlling feelings of lust, and it didn’t help that it was just Cyrus and me there. The only thing I can say is that while I started it, I didn’t let it go too far. That’s the least I could after being given so much leeway. It still felt wrong, though.

Jay looked like he appreciated my honesty as he pulled me on top of him to cuddle. The feeling of his body against mine was something that I missed dearly. Both he and Cyrus have beautiful masterpieces, but Jays was a little more toned up. I could lie up against him all day and never leave. He was my safe space and I like to think that I was his. That’s why we mesh so well together.

He stroked my hair, sighing with me. “That’s ok,” he said. “I’m happy you had a good time, and I hope it provided you with some answers.”

It killed me how sweet he was to me. I did not find the answers. “Umm, I think it made things more complicated. Though I know one thing that will never change.”

“What’s that?” He asked.

I looked up at him with a soft grin on my face. “How I love you.”

That made him giddy as he hugged me even tighter. Jay started out as the guy who I was seeing on the side. Now, he was my everything.