Giselda's Mental Anguish

Giselda
I bit back another groan when the sound of kissing came from across the office. I was glad that Annie had chosen my brother, but I was still jealous that he had chosen her back. Without hesitation. Even before he was sure that she was his mate, he wanted her. I would never have that with my mate. The most I could hope for was that if my chosen mate found his fated mate, I wouldn’t be tossed aside like an old, dirty rag that had cleaned one too many toilets. I hadn’t realized I sighed out loud until Annie called my name softly, making my head snap up to look at her.
“Yes, Alpha Sow Annaria?” I immediately responded.
“It’s just Annie, Giselda. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s just these papers. It’s–”
“Tell me why you cry at night,” she interrupted me.
“I don’t,” I instantly denied.
“Giselda!” Logan growled. “Don’t lie to Annie!”
I frowned at him. “I’m fine. There’s nothing going on that Annie needs to be concerned about.”
I groaned when he opened our link. ‘You need to tell her. She is going to be concerned about you just because she is your alpha sow. Add to that the fact that she considers you her best friend, and she is going to go crazy worrying.’
“Giselda? Is this about Gerry?” Annie asked.
I cut my eyes at Logan before meeting Annie’s eyes.” Why would it be about Gerry?”
“Because he’s your mate,” she answered, making my eyes shoot back to Logan’s, where I discovered he was purposely avoiding my gaze.
“Annie–”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, cutting me off. “I would have stepped to the side. I was nothing to him compared to you. You are his fated–”
I got to my feet, frowning deeply at her. “You were everything to him until his last breath, Annie. And I can understand why. You’re amazing. Besides, I-I don’t care about Gerry as my mate. I have Milton. I’ve already asked him to be my chosen mate.”
“When the fuck did you do that?” Logan growled.
“Before Annie came to Havana. I asked him to be my chosen mate.”
“Giselda, you can have Gerry. All you have to do is say that you want him and I’ll help you get him. As for his last breath, I don’t think he is gone. I can still feel him,” Annie told me, earning a growl from my cousin and a groan from me. She looked up at him innocently. “What? He’s my brother. I would feel it if he died. Our link would break, and it’s still–”
I jumped to my feet with my hands balled at my side. “JUST STOP! I DON’T CARE IF HE IS OR NOT! I BLOCKED HIS LINK THE MINUTE I LEFT THE HOUSE! I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW! I DON’T WANT HIM! I’M WITH MILTON! AT LEAST HE CHOSE ME BACK!” I screamed. “And I suppose you would hold out hope that he’s still alive, but I know him better than you do right at this moment.”
Annie got to her feet, Marsha flashing angrily in her eyes. “I’ve known him all of my life! He was everything to me for the longest time. There is no way that you know him better! And I won’t tolerate your saying so. I understand that you’re going through some things but I am not your enemy.” She walked around the desk to approach me slowly before wrapping her arms around me. “I love you, Giselda. I just want you to be happy. If you want Milton to be your mate and you think that he will be enough for you, I will support you, but I know the difference between chosen and fated mates. I just want you to be as happy as you can be. Logan forgave me for what happened. If he can move past it, I’m sure you and Gerry can too.”
I shook my head as I squeezed her. “No, Annie. There is one big difference between our fated mates. Yours actually wanted you. Mine didn’t. When he met me, he could have claimed me, but he didn’t. He didn’t want anything to do with me. So even if he was still alive, I don’t think that I could ever forgive him. There is no chance for me and him.”
She tipped her face up to look at me. “But why are you so sure that he’s dead?”
“Because when I left the house, Osprey was going back for him. And after what Gerry did to Scarlett, there was no way that Osprey would pass up the chance to end his life,” I explained softly to her.
“What do you mean what he did to Scarlett? What did he do to Scarlett?” She immediately asked.
“Ummm,” I muttered, glancing at Logan. “He ordered Osprey to attack her.”
She pulled back, confusion written all over her face. “That doesn’t sound like the Gerry I know!”
“I know it doesn’t, because he erased all of the bad things he did from your mind. He wanted to just keep you for his own and he didn’t care if it hurt you. He just wanted to be in control. It didn’t matter who he hurt. You or me. We were just pawns in his game. He killed people and had other people attack and hurt other people. That is the Gerry that exists now. He never cared about me enough to want to remove my memories. It was always about you. That’s why even if he was alive, we would never be together,” I told her.
She sighed as she began to wring her hands. “I’m sorry I’m a coward, Giselda.”
I reached out to take her hands. “You are not a coward! You have been through a lot and not wanting to remember the things that were done is not weak or cowardly! You are handling everything as well as can be expected. Please believe me when I say that Milton and I will be happy together. It’s okay. I know the difference between fated and chosen, Annie. And I’m okay with only having a chosen mate. Milton is a great man who really cares about me. There is nothing wrong with choosing him.”
“But is loving him going to be enough?” She asked me quietly.
“I’ll make it enough,” I answered.
“But you shouldn’t have to,” she argued. “I can reach out to Osprey and see if Gerry is dead. We can try to help you and Gerry get to a good place. Can I have your permission to talk to Osprey?”
I pulled away from her, shaking my head. “No, Annie. What has happened has happened. I’ve already accepted that I will never be with Gerry. You should too.”
“But–”
“He’s dead, Annie. I already know it. There is no reason to keep hashing this out over and over again. I will grieve and get over it, because that is what I have to do. I will not let you, Logan, or Havana down. You can count on me to be the best beta I can be.”
“But you are crying and I can tell you are sad. Please let me help you,” she begged.
“There is nothing you can do to stop the pain of losing a mate. It’s just something that has to pass. Like a virus.” I gave her a small smile. “That’s actually very fitting. My relationship with Gerry is a virus. 7-10 days tops, and I’ll be over it. I promise you that I will be okay.”
“But–”
I glanced at Logan who cleared his throat. “Annie, sweetheart, do you truly want to help Giselda?” He asked.
“Of course I do,” she replied immediately.
He got up to take her in his arms. “How about we fly her out to visit with Milton for the weekend and I’ll take it off and we can spend it together? She has been so busy with sleuth business, and I think she would benefit from a mini vacation. What do you think, baby?”
She nodded eagerly. “Yes! I think that is the perfect idea!” She beamed at me. “And on Monday we can go to lunch together and hang out?”
I winked at her, trying to help her relax a little. “I’ll take you to my favorite place in Havana. Not even Logan knows about it.”
“Hey! I know everything,” he growled playfully.
“Not this, you don’t. But Annie will.”
She clapped her hands together before tugging me back into a hug. “I can’t wait. Go enjoy your weekend with Milton. Be safe.”
“Promise not to call Osprey about me and Gerry?”
“I won’t call him, I promise.”
“Good. I’ll see you on Monday. I hope that the two of you get busy making a little Lonnie.”
“Lonnie?” Logan inquired, confused.
“Logan and Annie,” Annie giggled.
“Oh, right.”
I gave her another squeeze before gathering my papers and walking out of the office, maintaining a bright smile on my face until I was driving away from the sleuth house on my way to the private air strip on the outskirts of our land. About halfway there, I called Milton to see if he wanted to see me for the weekend. After hanging up with him, I burst into tears, furiously wiping my face as I continued my drive to the plane. I wanted to get all of my tears out before I got to Milton. There was no way I could tell him that I was upset because I was in love with my fated mate, even though he didn’t deserve any of it. He would doubt my feelings for him. And the last thing we needed was for both of us to doubt my feelings. I was already doubting it enough for both of us. We wouldn’t survive if he did too.