Confused

Giselda
Four days later, I looked over the computer on my desk to watch the way Gerry poured over the catalogs that were spread out on the coffee table in front of him. He had thrown himself into the service planning without hesitation, which surprised the hell out of me. I expected him to argue or at least make offhanded comments about planning a service for a man that his fated mate had chosen over him, but all he did was ask me a few questions about Milton before starting. Every time he made a decision about something for the service, he came over to me to run it by me. And every single time it was something that I would have chosen myself. I sighed as I leaned back in my chair, making him immediately look over at me.
“Are you alright, Giselda?” He asked softly.
“No, not really,” I grumbled, hating myself for starting to doubt my thoughts about his intentions. He really seemed to be trying hard, and I hated that his little act was working. I was starting to doubt that his actions were solely to get back with Annie. His attention and attempted affection over the last few days had touched my heart and the night before the thought of possibly giving him a real chance crossed my mind. I stood up, stretching, and he instantly climbed to his feet too.
“What can I do?” He inquired worriedly.
I hesitantly walked over to him, stopping in front of him to tilt my head back so I could search his face. “Are you lying to me about your intentions?” I whispered.
He started to raise his hand to my face before fisting it and lowering it back to his side. “No, Giselda. I really just want to be with you.”
I sighed heavily before reaching out to take his hand to put it against my cheek. “I don’t want to hate you, Gerald. I don’t want to keep fighting with you. I can’t promise you that I will ever get to where you are, but maybe one day, we can have a semi-decent relationship. I know how hard you are trying and I really appreciate it. I know how angry you must have been to see how happy I was with Milton. I won’t apologize but I understand, and that just makes what you’re doing for him even more important to me.”
His thumb stroked my cheek, catching a tear as it overflowed my eye and started to roll down my cheek.
“I would do anything for you, Giselda. I told you that. You are my heart, my soul, my everything, and I will wait for you however long it takes.”
I turned my head to kiss his palm. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, Giselda. It should be me thanking you for giving me the opportunity to earn your love again. I promise that I won’t fail you. You are everything that I want in life,” he murmured, slowly leaning closer to me with every word.
I anxiously licked my lips and didn’t pull away when his lips pressed lightly against mine. At first I didn’t feel anything, but as our demure kiss continued, the urge to melt against him hit me, making me groan with the need to go further. Guilt filled me and I pulled away from him. He let me go, eyeing me curiously.
“Giselda–”
“No! This isn’t right. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t want a physical relationship with you.”
“Giselda, it’s okay to want me. We’re fated mat–”
I slapped him hard, shaking with fury. “NO! Don’t even blame this on the mate bond. I don’t want that either. I just want Milton!” I cried, my voice catching on a sob.
“But–”
“I’m going for a run,” I interrupted him.
“Okay. Let me just pack this stuff away, and I’ll be ready,” he told me.
I shook my head. “No! You stay here. I want to be alone.”
“Umm, okay.”
I hurried out of the room, frowning deeply. What was wrong with me? There was no way that I was going to go from hating him with everything in me to wanting to give him another chance overnight. I shook my head. This was so wrong. I couldn’t help but feel like I was soiling Milton’s memory by wanting to be with Gerald again. It was almost like I was being manipulated. But I couldn't be. I was immune to Gerald’s aura. There was no way that he could override the potion the vines gave us. They were given to us by the Goddess. They did her bidding. He couldn’t overcome the vines.
“FUCK! What was wrong with me?” I mumbled quietly as I walked out of the sleuth house.
Logan fell into step beside me, making me glance at him.
“Hey, cousin. Where is Annie?” I asked him.
“At soccer practice. Where’s the asshole?” He inquired.
“Planning the service in my office,” I grunted as I jammed my hands in my pockets. “I had to get out of there. I was suffocating.”
“Whenever you are ready to be done with him, just let me know. I will happily throw him off the sleuth land myself,” he told me.
I chuckled as I laid my head against his shoulder. “I know, Logan, but there’s a little problem that we are having with that,” I said quietly.
“What problem is that?” He asked.
“I think I’m being manipulated into falling in love with him again,” I admitted angrily.
“WHAT?! Giselda, no. That can’t happen. He doesn’t deserve your love. He hasn’t changed, remember? You don’t really believe that he has, and neither do I.”
“I know, but Annie thinks he has. Don’t you trust her?” I inquired.
“Not really when it comes to Gerald. She does not see clearly where he is concerned. Please, don’t join her in her delusions when it comes to him. I need you on my side when this all goes wrong. Please, Gilda, fight whatever you’re feeling. If you are being manipulated, which I’m not sure how you would be, please don’t give him. Everything depends on the two of us keeping a clear head. I know it’s hard because you are his fated mate and the bond pulls you in a way that is almost impossible to fight, but you have Bruin blood. You are stronger than this. You are stronger than misguided and forced feelings,” he said.
I sighed. “I know. It fucking sucks. I know what happens when this all goes awry. I have thought about it so many times that it’s almost like I am consumed by it.”
We stopped on the outskirts of the kids’ soccer field, watching as Annie ran along the sidelines, guiding her team. I was proud of her. She had blossomed over the last few weeks and I was so happy to see the way she was bonding with the sleuth. It was possibly the best thing in my life at the moment. She was a true asset for Havana, and I would give my life for her without hesitation. I smiled softly when she caught sight of us and began to wave enthusiastically before blowing Logan a kiss.
“I used to worry about you, Logan. I always wondered how you would be with your mate. I never imagined you would be the way you are with Annie. She really has helped you grow,” I murmured.
“No, Gilda. She didn’t help me grow. She saved me. I was a lost little boy before I met her. I’m still not where I need to be, but I’m getting there with her by my side,” he replied quietly.
I giggled as I patted his arm. “Well, either way I’m glad you have her.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m going to go, Logan. I know you and Annie play your little game everyday after she gets done with practice. I don’t want to get in the way of that,” I told him.
“Where are you going?” He called out after me as I began to jog away.
“I’m going to fuck Gerald,” I answered.
“GISELDA!” He roared.
“I’m just kidding. I’ll see you later,” I said.
“You better be joking or I swear to the Goddess, I will tie you up in the dungeon!” He threatened.
“Promises, promises.”
I started jogging again, not stopping until I reached the clearing where the attack happened. I glanced around nervously, checking for anyone who might be lingering around. When I didn’t detect anyone, I laid down on the spot where Milton passed away. I pressed my face into the grass, missing Milton more than anything today. I usually waited for the sleeping pills I slipped Gerald to kick in before slipping out of the room to sleep here, just to feel close to Milton one more time. When the vines came up out of the ground to wrap around me, I let out a little sob.
“I’ll be with you, soon, Milton. I love you. I will always love you.” I buried my face deeper into the ground. “I will always choose you. Not him. It will always be you. I promise.”