Guilt and "Hatred"

I eyed Milton as I pulled up in front of the hangar that would take us back to the west coast. He had slept for eleven hours and hadn’t said a word to me when he woke up. He wasn’t mean about anything. He was just defeated, and that was something that I could understand. Being thrown out of the sleuth you were born into and had given most of his time and energy to would be a huge hit to anyone. I slanted my eyes at him, eyeing him curiously.
“Milton?” I called softly. “We’re here.”
He sighed as he opened the door to get out. “I know.”
I furiously blinked back tears, hating that I was the reason for what happened. If I had just let him go and stayed away from him, he would still be Realm’s future gamma. I wiped a tear off my face as I started to climb the stairs to board the plane, following Milton at a much slower pace than he was moving. Once inside the plane, I clenched my jaw when I saw that Milton had chosen a seat where I couldn’t sit next to him. His choice of seating was like a dagger in my heart and every second that passed was like another twist of the blade. I made my way over to the safe set into the plane’s wall to get the sleuth records that I still needed to finish reviewing but hadn’t taken to the hotel room.
What was supposed to be a relaxing weekend with Milton had very quickly turned into a depressing one that might have caused me to lose another person I cared about. I began to read the different business monthly summaries, making notes along the edges to share with Logan during our meeting on Tuesday morning. As much as I hated the work, I was glad that I had brought it. If I hadn’t, I would probably be on my knees begging MIlton for his forgiveness.
I swallowed hard when the plane jerked, tilting for a second in the air before straightening out. I hated flying but it had been a necessary thing. With Annie on the east coast, it was the only way to get there every Monday. Not to mention Milton was also on that coast. I jumped when I was lifted out of my chair. Before I could react, Milton shifted me in his arms before sitting back down on the chair with me cradled in his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist before pressing his face into my shoulder.
I sat frozen for a moment, silently pleading with him to say something but he didn’t. I bit back a sigh when it became clear that he had no intention of talking to me. I gave up on my hopes that we could work out whatever was going on in his mind before we arrived at Havana, going back to reviewing my documents. True to his actions since he woke up, we flew the entire way to Havana silently. As the plane started its descent, I put the files back into its folder, winding the thin string around the latch before tucking it under my arm as I got up. Milton exited behind me, drawing up short when he saw Logan and Annie waiting for us beside the hangar. I turned toward him, wanting to take his hand but being fully unsure if he would let me.
“Milton–”
“It’s fine,” he said, cutting me off.
I sighed before turning around to lead him down the stairs. Annie immediately reached out to pull me in for a hug, glaring at Milton as he shook Logan’s hand. When she let me go, she grabbed my hand to drag me away from the men. After forcing me far enough away that the males wouldn’t be able to hear us, she spun back toward me with her arms crossed over her chest.
“What about Gerry?” She asked, making me stiffen.
“He’s gone, Annie. I don’t want to talk about this!” I told her.
“He’s not! I spoke to him and–”
“YOU WHAT?!” I yelled. “YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULDN’T TALK TO OSPREY ABOUT ME! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”
“I didn’t promise not to talk to him about you. I promised not to call him. And I didn’t. This is serious, Giselda. You brought Milton here and your mate is still alive. There’s still a chance for–”
“NO! THERE IS NOT! I DON’T WANT HIM! WHY ARE YOU PUSHING THIS?!” I screamed at her, knowing that I shouldn’t but not being able to stop.
“But–”
“NO,” I growled. “Just stop! I want to be with Milton!” I paused to put my hands in my pockets as I lowered my head. “If he will even take me now that I’ve ruined his life,” I mumbled.
She reached out to take my hands. “You didn’t, Giselda. It’s better this way. It’s better if he’s here and not at Realm,” she said softly.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Annie. He hates me. He’s said two words to me in the last 17 hours and I can tell he doesn’t want to be here,” I whispered sadly, glancing over my shoulder to see Logan watching us while Milton paced around near him.
Annie shook her head. “No, Gilda. He’s just trying to make sense of what’s going on. He’s not mad at you. He is just hurt. He will get over it. At least here he has a chance to do that. He’s alive and if he is who you want, then I will try to support you but promise me something.”
“What do you want me to promise? I don’t know if I want to make promises where Milton is concerned,” I admitted.
“Promise me that if after Osprey helps Gerry and he comes to see you that you will keep an open mind.” She held her hand up to stop my instant response. “I get it. I do. Gerry messed up. He did things that you can’t forgive him for but that’s not the true Gerry. The true Gerry would love you with everything in him and would never make you feel like you were not worth everything to him. The true Gerry would give his life for you in an instant and then ask the Goddess to send him back so he could do it all over again. That’s the Gerry I want you to be with. You are the best person that I know, other than Logan, and you deserve to be loved like Logan loves me. Gerry can do that. He just needs a little time to get back to who he is.”
I searched her face, frowning deeply before turning back to watch Milton for a moment. Finally I sighed as I nodded.
“Alright, Annie, I promise to not just blow him off if he shows up,” I agreed, hating myself for lying to her.
I had no intention of ever giving Gerry a second chance. I was never going to give him the opportunity to break me again, no matter what Annie said. She could remember the “good” Gerry, but I didn’t. Nor did I care to. I knew I deserved to be loved like Logan loved her, but Gerry didn’t deserve to love me like that. Not like Milton did. And I was not going to let anyone tell me otherwise. She threw her arms around my neck, beaming widely at me.
“Thank you, Giselda. Come on. The boys are waiting for us.”
I trailed behind her, longing to feel the same way about Milton that Annie obviously felt about my cousin. I smiled up at him as I stopped in front of him.
“Are you ready to go home?” I asked before cursing silently when his eyes became hooded, hiding his emotions from me.
“Sure.”
I turned to Logan to hug him, instantly stopping when I saw the anger in his eyes as he looked at Milton. I reached out to touch his arm slowly.
“Logan?”
His eyes snapped to mine as he opened our link. ‘What’s going on with him?’
‘I don’t know, but please let me handle it,’ I begged.
‘If he keeps up this attitude, I’m going to kill him!’
My eyes widened and I protectively stepped in front of MIlton. ‘Please, don’t say that. I can’t lose him too,’ I murmured.
‘Don’t just pick him because you are lonely, Giselda. There are a lot of mateless boars out there that would be lucky to have you. I don’t want you to get hurt.’
‘I’m not. I promise.’
‘You better not.’
He pecked my cheek before leading Annie away, leaving me alone with Milton who was staring at my car. He followed me to it before getting in. As I drove to my house, the one I never stayed at on sleuth land, I couldn’t help but think about what Logan said. I hadn’t lied about not getting hurt. I cared about Milton, I did, but in order to get hurt in the way he was worried about, I had to be in love and I wasn’t. After going inside the small house, I made my way toward the kitchen, desperately needing the vodka that I kept there when I just needed to hide away from life. Before I could get to the bottle on the counter, I was grabbed around my throat to be pinned against the wall beside the door. My heart started to pound erratically in my chest as Milton leaned down to peer into my eyes.
“I don’t blame you, Giselda. I’m not even made that Corey threw me out of Realm. To be honest, I was expecting it,” he told me.
“Then why have you been so cold to me?” I inquired anxiously.
“This is not how I thought our weekend would go. It ruined all of my plans and I’m struggling to work out how to move forward now,” he informed me.
“Move forward with me?” I whispered as my heart shattered in my chest.
“No, Giselda. With this,” he said as he reached into his pocket to pull out a small, black velvet box. He opened the top and my breath caught in my lungs as I eyed the diamond and ruby gold ring. “I wanted to talk to you about being my wife. I had this whole speech planned. I even had a pro and cons list, because I know you focus better that way. I–”
I nodded before kissing him softly. “Yes, Milton. I’ll be your wife.”