I want her
BANE'S POV
I walked out. I walked down the quiet corridors until I made it to his office. I opened the door. A few pack members were there. They turned to looked at me. Their eyes were low. Their faces read sorrow and empathy as they searched my face.
"Good afternoon?" I mumbled softly. Bane quickly dismissed them from the room as I took a seat across from him.
"How are you feeling?" His tone was low. I could hear how he almost regrets actually asking the question because deep down, he knew the answer to that question.
"Fine." I whispered. Is that the answer he was searching for? Is that what he wanted to know? I gave him the lie he desired.
Someone knocked on the door. I refused to turn and look at the door. He urged them to come in. The door creaked open. I looked. Renee?
"What's up? What's going on?" I asked, my eyes shifting from Renee to Bane..
"Here." He slid a black piece of plastic across his wooden desk. "Jess, I want you to take her out."
"What?"
"I want her..." He pointed to Renee. "And you." He pointed to me. "To get out for a moment." "Wait. Who said I even wanted to leave?"
I could see how badly I frustrated him but he could not allow his anger the opportunity to take charge. He decided to be patient with me, despite my unmanageable behavior and slick tongue.
"Renee." He sighed as he massaged his temples to calm himself. "Please. For me." He pleaded.
I don't want to go. I want to be here. I want to know what is going on. I want to make sure things are going good. Who am I kidding? I can't really 'take charge' when I'm wrapped up in my blankets sobbing my eyes out.
I reached for the card and stuffed it into my pocket. I will go. Get out. On one condition. "If there is anything, ANYTHING, I want to be informed. Okay?"
"Promise." He nodded in agreement to my terms.
I shot him one more venomous glare before I followed Renee out of his office and out of the glooming house.
"Well I tried to plan this day out for us in such a short amount of time. A spa or maybe a little manicure and pedicure thing. Lunch then maybe the fun zone. I don't know, what do you think we should do?"
I listened to Renee suggest what we should do with our day out. I was just thinking about what we can do that takes less time and will get me back home and quick. I pulled my cell phone from my jean pocket. I unlocked it and scrolled to my call log. I clicked the first name that popped up.
'Calling mother' appeared on the screen and the phone rang. I listened to it ring once then go to voicemail. I nearly caved as I listened to her voice in the voicemail for the hundredth time.
I wish she would have gotten a better phone sometimes. Something traceable. Instead she had some old flip phone.
I miss her voice. I was losing hope. I hated this.
"Renee?" My head snapped toward Jess as she drove down the empty road toward town.
"Yes?" "I called you like six times." She admitted. "Oh sorry." I mumbled. She glanced down at my phone. She watched me scroll my call log, my mother's name appearing numerous times.
"I miss her too." She sighed. "We were never blood.....but she was like my mother as well."
"I know." I whispered. She treated Jess as if she was family. Our own blood. One of her own. She loved her as well.
I sunk deeper into the suede seats, fighting the downpour of tears. I hated that Jason wanted me out of the house. But was it for the best? I felt horrible, pained, and sick. I also felt as though the pack could feel it as well. I have not noticed a smiling face since my last. I have not heard a joyful laugh since my own. Maybe I needed to get out. Not just for Bane, but for everyone.
I looked toward Renee. Her eyes were low. She remands quiet, allowing me time to mellow into my own thoughts.
"Well." I cut through the thick silence. "I do need a manicure." A gust of cool air wrapped around my body as we stepped out of the small nail salon.
"Your nails look cute." Renee gripped my hand. I had medium length almond shaped nails with a coat of brownish-tan nail coloring.
"Let me see yours." I took her hand. She had a normal length stiletto shaped nails with a black coat of nail polish and a few small diamond studs on her ring finger nail.
They were pretty! Also very dangerous for fun time with Bane.
We turned and began walking down the street. We decided to head toward a restaurant on foot. No need to hop in a car if it was only a block or two away.
"How have Bane been? You know the last couple of days." I questioned her. I was curious. If my assumptions were correct, then he would be feeling my pain and discomfort. "He has been..." She mentally searched for the correct term. "Mopey."
"Oh." I lowered my head. "Actually the entire house seems...down." She assured me. I sighed.
"Renee." She locked her arm around my own. She leaned her head against my shoulder. "They love you and feel for you." "I wish they didn't you know? I mean I wish I did not have to feel how I felt. I wish they were...normal?" "Honestly, the only way they would feel better.....is if you did."
She was right; the only way they would even show any signs of positivity is if I changed my attitude. But how can I? What could I do to change my emotion? I was stuck on sadness. "I want to." I honestly did. I want to stop feeling so...low.
"I know you do." She smiled. "But I also know it's hard to do so."
We walked down the street, blending in with the passing faces that were still unaware of the world that hid in the shadows of their large town. Shopping. Eating. Smiling. Happy faces. They did know of this world. Honestly, every time I thought of my mother, I sometimes wish I didn't too.
I listened to Renee mumble a few phrases and throw in a few jokes to make me laugh. I appreciated it. Even if her jokes were stupid, they were stupid funny. She knew they were.
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